What age do kids start choosing their own friends instead of who their parents choose?

[Anonymous]

My kids in first and the kids seem to have social lives organized by which parents are friends. What age/grade do kids start having a preference and forming friendships independent of their parents, and what age do drop off parties start? I am would love to graduate from this chapter so am curious. Thanks!

[Anonymous]

Mine is 7 and in first. She started in K. And we did playdates with kids she liked in K.

[Anonymous]

Covid really interrupted this for us, but I think no later than 3rd grade for boys. By the time my son was 8 he started getting in arguments with his “friends” and clearly not having fun. I realized he had outgrown them and they only had the parents in common.

[Anonymous]

3rd

[Anonymous]

My kid is 10 and does both. She’s got friends at school she obviously made herself but she rarely sees them outside of school. She also has friends from when I joined a moms group when she was a baby that we still see. Right now she’s gone out with a neighborhood friend. They like each other but me and the mom are friendly too.

[Anonymous]

If the kid is younger than 3rd grade, they might be playing with a kid because you want them to - but there better be a reason and for a limited time.

[Anonymous]

15

[Anonymous]

My child asked me to set up play dates with specific kids back in Pre School. We are not from this area so we don’t have a large group of family or long term friends. I suppose it made it easier for our child to say “I like playing with X, can we play together this weekend?”

[Anonymous]

Even in kindergarten she had her best friends. DS on the other hand, is 3 and can't name any of the kids in his preschool class. Or, if he can name them, he can't identify them in person.

[Anonymous]

My son is in second grade and it started this year. He will groan if I say we are going bowling with the family down the street and I say "Mrs. B is my good friend so you have to be nice to (her son, his age, everything in common) but you don't have to be friends." Of course the families we like have the kids he doesn't like and vice versa.

[Anonymous]

Kindergarten for my daughter.

[Anonymous]

PreK. This is when my kids started saying certain kids were their friends and they wanted to have playdates.

By 2nd or 3rd start vocalizing more if they didn’t like certain kids in group setting when the parents hang out.

By 4th grade I completely stopped taking them to hang outs with my friends and their kids. We had separate friends. They had their own and I had my own.

[Anonymous]

^adding to my post. If your kid is in first, more parties will start being drop off. By 2nd grade all will be unless it’s really far away or you are friends with the parents.

[Anonymous]

My kids clearly clicked with particular kids, and not others, by age 3 or 4.

[Anonymous]

Age 4, maybe age 5 years.