Is saying very mean comments acceptable vs cursing isn’t?

[Anonymous]

My daughter is friends with a girl who says really mean things often. She tells people they are ugly and laughs. She excludes others and says she doesn’t like them. She has no filter and very honest and says comments in a mean way and seems to like to hurt people’s feelings. Mom never corrects her and says the daughter is kidding. Mom then got so upset she learned a curse word and starting say, “sh&@“.

I was surprised that mom thinks hurting people’s feelings is fine but mom thinks it is horrible her child learned a curse word.

Girls are 6-7 years old.

[Anonymous]

I think what that girl is doing is much worse than cursing. I personally don’t even think cursing is bad, but refrain from doing it around people who might be offended. But if my kid said sh!that home around me, it wouldn’t bother me, though DH and I will remind her not to say those words at school or around other kids.

Your anecdote reminds me of a grown woman I knew who was similar to that kid. Just said incredibly rude, unkind things under the guise of “being honest”, and if someone took offense, she was “just kidding.” In fact I assume that girl’s parents are like this.

I once called this woman a c-you-next-Tuesday because I was tired of her BS and she was SO OFFENDED. She regularly told people they were unattractive or dumb, to their faces, as though it was just a fact that they should accept. Well, I was just sharing a fact, too, not clear to me why it upset her so much.

[Anonymous]

My DC does both. He shouldn't do either. As his parents, we are working on it but it's a long-term effort and you're not going to see it in the moment.

[Anonymous]

No acceptable. I have a 7 year old and i dont let her say mean things.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I think what that girl is doing is much worse than cursing. I personally don’t even think cursing is bad, but refrain from doing it around people who might be offended. But if my kid said sh!that home around me, it wouldn’t bother me, though DH and I will remind her not to say those words at school or around other kids.

Your anecdote reminds me of a grown woman I knew who was similar to that kid. Just said incredibly rude, unkind things under the guise of “being honest”, and if someone took offense, she was “just kidding.” In fact I assume that girl’s parents are like this.

I once called this woman a c-you-next-Tuesday because I was tired of her BS and she was SO OFFENDED. She regularly told people they were unattractive or dumb, to their faces, as though it was just a fact that they should accept. Well, I was just sharing a fact, too, not clear to me why it upset her so much.

She was out of line. You were out of line. So you were the same.

[Anonymous]

I think unkind comments are worse than curse words. A word isn't "bad" or "good" in itself; it's appropriate or inappropriate for a given context. What's good or bad is how you use words. I'd much rather my kid swore like a sailor but was kind than that she speak only in G-rated terms while insulting and hurting others.

[Anonymous]

Being mean is worse than cursing, yes

I teach about cursing in the context of politeness/rudeness. We don't curse (publicly) because it's rude

[Anonymous]

The girl is a bully. Full stop

[Anonymous]

There are no banned words in our house. The most important thing is context, intent and appropriateness. You can be just as hurtful without “bad” words based on what you say and the tone used. Tweens are gonna curse. They need to know when it is ok and when it isnt. With friends, fine. With adults, at school or any kind of mixed company, inappropriate. The consequences for unkind and inappropriate are the same. Saying there are “bad” words doesn’t teach them anything about language or kindness or how to be a functional human.