Worried about crying in front of my child

[Anonymous]

DH and I separated about a month ago and it has been a tough time. I am an emotional person and, although I try not to, I cry in front of DS. He is 8 months old. When I am really sad, I am not as responsive to him as I should be and I don't interact with him in the positive happy way that I should. I try and shelter him from this by going into another room when I am upset and enlisting the help of my mother on hard days. Still, sometimes there is no hiding it from him. I am worried that this is going to psychologically harm him. I am trying to work things through in my head and will arrange some therapy. I wonder if anti depressants may help also. Sometimes I look at DS and feel distant when I see the parts of him that are his father. Also, I think irrational thoughts that he will grow up to hate me and go to live with his father at the earliest opportunity (who has effectively abandoned us at this point in time). Has anyone been through this? I would love some ideas about how to cope with this better than I am doing, for the sake of DS. TIA.

[Anonymous]

My son's father and I never married but I often felt the same way you do. Some therapy might help but don't worry too much about crying in front of your child (who is still very young). It is better to go through this now than later. My parents split up when I was 5 and I have no memories of the whole thing and neither will your child. Time helps too and after getting some help now, you will move on to other things. My brother moved in with my dad as a teenager and then moved back home a few months later. He said to my mother "Now I know why you guys got divorced!" I know my mom privately LOVED hearing that. Being a single parent is mostly great in my opinion. It definitely is more tiring than anything you will ever do but you will have a great bond with your child. They will also learn that you are the boss pretty early in life (which helps me now that my son is 2 yrs old). Find a good therapist. It will help to talk it out. Hang in there!

[Anonymous]

I am also recently separarted with a 5 month old. I think in my case things were bad for a long time so there is less sadness. And DS keeps me going. I know somedays I am pre-occupied and feel guilty about that but it is something I just try to be very aware of and then correct immediately. DS needs me. And he needs me to be a full person for him. I try to remember that I need to make a happy & stable home for him & I can do that without his dad around (he also has basically abandoned us).

Don't beat yourself up. This is a really tough time for you - so hard to go through. Feel the sadness and that may help you move through it. It will get better. I promise. You are a good mom.

[Anonymous]

I think the other posters had some good info, but I just wanted to say how sorry I am. I can't imagine how difficult this time must be. It may help to try to get yourself into some kind of distracting activity outside of your home and with new people.

[Anonymous]

i think it's ok for you to be upset. in some ways you're lucky that your son is only 8 months old. you don't really have to explain things to him at this age. my son is 3 and he would want to know why i was crying. i think if you feel like you should see a therapist, go see one. talk to him/her about anti-depressants...although how you're feeling now might be entirely reasonable given the situation and may not warrant anti-depressants. if you're dysfunctional, maybe it does.

i'm a single mom and went through two deaths in my immediate family within a period of months when my son was your son's age. when i look back at that time, i think the immediacy of my son's needs kept me sane and functional. was a blessing in so many ways.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I think the other posters had some good info, but I just wanted to say how sorry I am. I can't imagine how difficult this time must be. It may help to try to get yourself into some kind of distracting activity outside of your home and with new people.

I just wanted to reiterate this poster's thoughts. Please don't worry too much. Your child is young. Hang in there and take care of yourself. Best of luck to you.

[Anonymous]

OP here - I wanted to thanks you all so much for your input. It is so hard feeling that there is no one else going through this, so it was such a surprise and relief that there are others in the same boat. I feel like the 'odd one out' as my old friends have their high flying careers and the moms I know are all happily married. I feel like I don't know who I am any more and everyone looks at me with pity in their eyes (including my family!). A lot of crying comes from the shock of this happening as I was incredibly happy and had no idea that my life was about to be turned upside down. My main difference is that rather than pulling me through, I am feeling worse in that I am letting DS down. I will try and be more patient with him and myself. Thanks everyone again.