Seeking advice on elder housing

[Anonymous]

Hello all, I’m hoping people who have been through things like this already can give some advice. I am an only children of a 76 year old woman who is single. I live 400 miles from her. She has always had a difficult, very independent and impulsive personality. Over the past few years, I have noticed significant cognitive and physical decline (home no longer clean, limits activity, repeats stories more, and forgets words). Her neurologist states no dementia symptoms present but I notice a difference.


She has asked my advice about leaving her paid off single family home to move to an independent living place near her home. It costs 4k a month rent and has a buy in of 50,000 which is apparently refundable.

I have no idea how to assess whether this is a good place for her. I’m due to talk to one of the representatives later this week. She wants to move in April (I would fly up and help her).

What should I make sure to find out to assure this is a good decision? Thanks everyone.

[Anonymous]

OP, that's a lot less expensive than the DMV, so that's a plus. She knows the area and feels at home there, so that's a plus. You will/and should learn her complete financial picture. If money is no object, you have less worries. If projected money for the future might be slim, you will need to think about a place where: she goes in as "private pay" but the place accepts Medicaid once she runs out of money.

Yes it's nice to have elders close. Usually though, finances drive the decision. And farther away means it costs a lot less.

[Anonymous]

14:14 again. Op, on the surface it looks like a reasonable choice. She's willing. That's a *very* big plus.

[Anonymous]

Does it have AL, NC and Memory care too or just independent. If it's just independent, not it's a horrible choice. They think it's as simple as hiring care givers. Not only is that expensive, but they quit and no show and all her more independent friends will drop her like a hot potato-especially if she becomes needy and guilt trips them or complains a lot as things decline.. At least as you move along at a CCRC, if your more able bodied friends dump you, you make new friends with more needs and you don't have to move to a whole new place.

[Anonymous]

IF she can afford it, that's very reasonable. Like pp said, look into what happens if she declines and needs more care. Do they have assisted living, memory care, skilled nursing on-site?

Assisted living really does bridge the gap between living alone in one's home which becomes unrealistic as one gets older, and needing a nursing home, which many people don't need until the very end of life and their medical needs increase.

I always recommend reading the book "Being Mortal" by Atul Gawande on these boards. It's a really good reflection on end of life issues, our culture's view of it, medicine's view of it, and the history of assisted living as an industry. I picked it up rather randomly as an airplane read, and it's been really helpful as I'm helping with elder care issues for various family members this year.