Memory Loss Noticeable, May No Longer Be Good Fit for AL nor Memory Care Yet

[Anonymous]

Parent was very independent until recently. Memory loss is becoming noticeable. We had been looking at AL but now that may not be right fit. Not close to memory care yet. What do people do? Is there any way to kind of forecast how quickly things may change?

Parent is also becoming more secretive, no longer wants us to attend doctor's appointments, etc. and had never officially added us to the doctors' forms. If you have not done so, would recommend addressing it before this angry/agitated phase.

Any resources on best ways to speak with/interact with someone who is sometimes confused and scared by that are welcome.

[Anonymous]

If are able, look into hiring a caretaker to be with her in AL.
Memory care, imo the ones I toured, are terribly depressing.

[Anonymous]

I’ve seen this group recommended on here before. They may be able to provide some guidance. https://eldercc.com/

[Anonymous]

Doesn't sound like the person needs memory care, but AL is probably about right. The angry/agitated phase is an attempt to hide how confused/bad things are. You don't want to wait till something terrible happens. My MIL only had "some" memory loss, but then she left her stove on all day and melted it down.

[Anonymous]

First check to see if she has a UTI. My Mom's dementia got significantly worse when she had a UTI. Next, get yourself access to her doctors. When my Mom had gotten to this point, it was really easy to get her to sign stuff. Tell her its a health insurance form she has to sign. (Therapeutic lying)

Next is to get a handle on all the medication she is taking. If (when) she has to go to the emergency room, it's really important that you know what medication she is on. Also, unless you or another caregiver are giving her the medication, I can almost guarantee that she is either skipping doses or taking multiple doses in one day. My Mom kept getting really low blood pressure. We figured out she was taking multiple doses of her medication. (she had a long standing habit of filling her weekly medication container. So we kept filling it for her. But if it was put anywhere that she could see it, she would take a doses, even if she had already taken it. )

Next is make sure you have access to all her bank and bill accounts. Either through setting up online access (logging in as her) and/or getting your name added to the account. And make sure her bank accounts are set up as Payable on Death or Joint tenancy with rights of survivorship. My Dad had all his accounts set up properly accept one. And it has a little bit more money than the state threshold, so now it has to go through probate.

Also make sure she has a will, living will, POA, etc set up.

As for AL and MC, if there is a question about where to place someone, they usually will put them in MC. Transitions are hard, so it's better to put her in MC so she doesn't have to move. Also, dementia often gets worse when moved from a familiar area. They often have developed coping mechanism in their familiar home that they don't have in a new location.

[Anonymous]

This won't be your call. It will be the facility's call.

[Anonymous]

You could do AL with an aide, in some cases. In the meantime, try going with them to their doctor and make it a day out so they won’t suspect you are after information. If they are agreeing to AL you’ll need to help them pack and pair down things so you would be around more to figure out the important info.

[Anonymous]

Our AL facility has a number of levels. Memory care is different and really like a jail. I would avoid that unless its dangerous for her to be anywhere else.

We just stepped my mom up from zero to 1--medication management. Level 2 includes personal care (help with showering, dressing). Level 3 might be helping to walk to meals, toileting etc.

The question with memory is: what dangers does she face with her memory at the moment? for my mom, the only critical danger right now is taking too little or too much medication. The rest of thes tuff she forgets doesn't matter.

I end up doing all the doctors appintments, finances, etc, anyway so have a handle on those things.