College dorm options

[Anonymous]

Entering a new phase where I will be sending my gay son to college this fall. He is open about his sexuality and I am wondering how dorms are handled at colleges. He wants the typical Freshman experience and has not expressed interest in living in a gender-diverse, LGBQTIA dorm; he wants the typical dorm. Ideally he will be able to snag a single but looking unlikely. He will not know anyone where he is going to school and will probably just get a roommate from the pool of other kids looking for roommates. What are some possible things to ask, look out for? Anyone have experience with this?

[Anonymous]

What school? My advice is different for UC Berkeley than Alabama.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:What school? My advice is different for UC Berkeley than Alabama.

University of Pittsburgh, possibly GA Tech if the deferral turns into acceptance.

[Anonymous]

Why would he ask for anything if he wants a typical
College experience. There are lots of gay people at college.

Most of my college friends are straight men and I went to college in the mid to late 1990s. It wasn’t a problem then. I cannot imagine it would be a problem today. At the schools you mentioned being anti gay would be frowned upon by the school and students.

I mean this far less harshly than it is about to come out, but there isn’t anything for you to do here.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Why would he ask for anything if he wants a typical
College experience. There are lots of gay people at college.

Most of my college friends are straight men and I went to college in the mid to late 1990s. It wasn’t a problem then. I cannot imagine it would be a problem today. At the schools you mentioned being anti gay would be frowned upon by the school and students.

I mean this far less harshly than it is about to come out, but there isn’t anything for you to do here.

+1 don't understand the question

[Anonymous]

I have a trans kid. There is gender inclusive housing on most college campuses today. So, if someone is open enough to select that, they’re likely going to be ok with someone gay. Is your kid ok with rooming with a girl or NB person if it happens? I think a lot of colleges will send out preference sheets, but if you were worried, you could call the school housing. My kid is a junior and doesn’t want to live on the lgbt floor/housing either, but I’m definitely going to make sure wherever roommate she ends up with knows she’s trans and is ok with it. It would be a really bad experience if they weren’t.

[Anonymous]

I have a DS freshman at U Pitt. Consider a freshman single in Litchfield Towers C. This is a mix of upperclass and freshman, but all singles dorm with a lot of single sex all freshman floors. Litchfield is considered to be the classic freshman experience - 3 huge dorm towers smack in the center of campus on top of meal service, package/mail delivery, laundry, etc.

My (cis/hetero) kid came in like yours - knew no one, down for having a randomly assigned roommate. He put 2 housing preferences for doubles ahead of Litchfield Tower C singles but didn’t get the double/roommate - I think those are mostly filled with kids who already have found roommates. Also, my DS did housing application very late, so I was surprised he got a single, which I thought would be very competitive - apparently not?

DC likes having a single and has made friends with other kids. DC has also mentioned in passing at least one gay guy on his floor who seems to be treated like any other member of the pack - going out and drinking and partying on weekends except hooking up with gay guys and with straight men as wingmen.

I think being gay is accepted and normalized for this age group, thankfully. Kids are often out in HS and even MS now, so a gay student isn’t some kind of major surprise in college.

Pitt seems like any other big state school - welcoming to LGBTQIA and tolerating no discrimination. The website says there are gender inclusive housing options. https://www.studentaffairs.pitt.edu/lgbtqia/housing/

Georgia Tech is a great school, and I don’t know anything about the campus gay experience there, but I would think the overall atmosphere in the South would be less accepting than Pittsburgh.

Have you done the online orientation? I was getting zero info when I asked DC Qs about housing registration, tuition payment, etc., and then I figured out that parents can do the same online orientation as kids. I forget how you register for this - maybe thru the MyPitt system? I got some answers there about the housing process and the website also has descriptions of each dorm, room types, location, pics, etc.

Also, you and your DS should absolutely go to an admitted students weekend in Pitt, do a tour or admitted students event in the area. This is how a lot of kids make friends before they get to school, and is one way of finding roommates and getting the 411 on dorms. You also will have a chance to ask parent Qs that way. My DS refused to do this - but I think it would have been useful.

FWIW, I would say let your kid make his own decision on housing. He is going to live there all year, and if he hates it, better that he own that decision instead of blame you for it or imagines he missed out on something because you wouldn’t let him try.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I have a trans kid. There is gender inclusive housing on most college campuses today. So, if someone is open enough to select that, they’re likely going to be ok with someone gay. Is your kid ok with rooming with a girl or NB person if it happens? I think a lot of colleges will send out preference sheets, but if you were worried, you could call the school housing. My kid is a junior and doesn’t want to live on the lgbt floor/housing either, but I’m definitely going to make sure wherever roommate she ends up with knows she’s trans and is ok with it. It would be a really bad experience if they weren’t.

By Junior year he should be able to figure that out on their own.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I have a trans kid. There is gender inclusive housing on most college campuses today. So, if someone is open enough to select that, they’re likely going to be ok with someone gay. Is your kid ok with rooming with a girl or NB person if it happens? I think a lot of colleges will send out preference sheets, but if you were worried, you could call the school housing. My kid is a junior and doesn’t want to live on the lgbt floor/housing either, but I’m definitely going to make sure wherever roommate she ends up with knows she’s trans and is ok with it. It would be a really bad experience if they weren’t.

By Junior year he should be able to figure that out on their own.

Figure what out? That she’s trans? Ummmm. I meant that when she eventually chooses a college, I would never have her blindly accept a roommate who didn’t know she was trans. In this political climate? Hell, no. But also by me I mean we. It’s not like she would do that either.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I have a trans kid. There is gender inclusive housing on most college campuses today. So, if someone is open enough to select that, they’re likely going to be ok with someone gay. Is your kid ok with rooming with a girl or NB person if it happens? I think a lot of colleges will send out preference sheets, but if you were worried, you could call the school housing. My kid is a junior and doesn’t want to live on the lgbt floor/housing either, but I’m definitely going to make sure wherever roommate she ends up with knows she’s trans and is ok with it. It would be a really bad experience if they weren’t.

By Junior year he should be able to figure that out on their own.

Figure what out? That she’s trans? Ummmm. I meant that when she eventually chooses a college, I would never have her blindly accept a roommate who didn’t know she was trans. In this political climate? Hell, no. But also by me I mean we. It’s not like she would do that either.

I think the PP to whom you’re responding misread “junior” as “junior in college” whereas you are talking about a junior in HS.

I would expect a jr in college, even if newly out as trans, to be able to decide about their own roommate situation better than the parent unless there was some comorbid disorder, like autism for example, which meant that the JR in college may not understand or read social situations correctly.

I would expect a jr in HS to have more input/guidance from a parent about room selection.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I have a trans kid. There is gender inclusive housing on most college campuses today. So, if someone is open enough to select that, they’re likely going to be ok with someone gay. Is your kid ok with rooming with a girl or NB person if it happens? I think a lot of colleges will send out preference sheets, but if you were worried, you could call the school housing. My kid is a junior and doesn’t want to live on the lgbt floor/housing either, but I’m definitely going to make sure wherever roommate she ends up with knows she’s trans and is ok with it. It would be a really bad experience if they weren’t.

By Junior year he should be able to figure that out on their own.

Figure what out? That she’s trans? Ummmm. I meant that when she eventually chooses a college, I would never have her blindly accept a roommate who didn’t know she was trans. In this political climate? Hell, no. But also by me I mean we. It’s not like she would do that either.

I think the PP to whom you’re responding misread “junior” as “junior in college” whereas you are talking about a junior in HS.

I would expect a jr in college, even if newly out as trans, to be able to decide about their own roommate situation better than the parent unless there was some comorbid disorder, like autism for example, which meant that the JR in college may not understand or read social situations correctly.

I would expect a jr in HS to have more input/guidance from a parent about room selection.

Oh. Yes. That makes more sense. My kid is in high school, and every day I see another stupid article in major newspapers about trans young people. Yes. By the time my kid was a Junior in college, I would also expect that she’d know who she would want to room with, if anybody.

That comment came off pretty obnoxious.

[Anonymous]

What do upper classmen do these days that are gay? Live with other gay men? I don't really know.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:What do upper classmen do these days that are gay? Live with other gay men? I don't really know.

I doubt this had changed since I was in collect 25 years ago.

They live where they want. Some live with gay male friends, some with straight male friends, some with both, Some with female friend. Some live alone and some with a boyfriend.

[Anonymous]

My husband (straight) was assigned a gay roommate for freshman year at university. It wasn't a problem, they got along. And the roommate never hit on him or tried to make him feel uncomfortable. He and the roommate are actually still on good terms, although not close we all still see each other sometimes as he also ended up living in the DC area. That said, the roommate was (and still is) a fairly quiet, easygoing guy and never talked much about his sexuality or his dating life or anything like that. If your son talks about sexuality very often that might be more likely to make a straight roommate feel uncomfortable.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My husband (straight) was assigned a gay roommate for freshman year at university. It wasn't a problem, they got along. And the roommate never hit on him or tried to make him feel uncomfortable. He and the roommate are actually still on good terms, although not close we all still see each other sometimes as he also ended up living in the DC area. That said, the roommate was (and still is) a fairly quiet, easygoing guy and never talked much about his sexuality or his dating life or anything like that. If your son talks about sexuality very often that might be more likely to make a straight roommate feel uncomfortable.

I hate this so much. Straight people don't shut up about their sexuality. They don't shut about who they're dating. Gay people? It might make the straights uncomfortable.