Toddler throwing tantrums over books at bedtime

[Anonymous]

My 20 month old and I usually read a few books together before bedtime, as we have since he was an infant. I feel like the last maybe 4-5 months he's had an opinion about what books to read, which has been cute and fun. But the last month he has really started to go full toddler tantrum about the books. One of us will pick one, i'll read like 1 page, and he freaks out and wants a different one. It's not that he doesn't want to read, he does. It can take us 30 minutes to finally decide on a book or two to fully read before he goes to bed. Sometimes like tonight he started crying in his crib looking at his basket of books because he wanted more. Is this typical of toddler behavior or not so much? He's my first one so I just don't have anything to compare it to. I'm wondering if maybe I should limit the number of books we keep in his room and he is feeling overwhelmed (there are probably like 15-20 in the basket).

Ironically we have like 30 more books downstairs in our playroom and he never cares about those at all lol. Also to be clear, i'm more than happy to read to him a lot -- I just wish we could like get past page 2!

Thanks in advance for the advice.

[Anonymous]

He’s sad and wants to connect with you. Rock him to sleep. He’s still a baby!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:He’s sad and wants to connect with you. Rock him to sleep. He’s still a baby!

OP here - I don't think either of those things are the issues. The issues are as soon as we settle in to read, he fusses and needs to climb down and runs back to his basket of books for a different book. Settle in again, freak out again. Repeat 1200 x.

[Anonymous]

I'm a child psychologist. What you need to understand is that toddlers are bat$hit crazy. My own child once had a huge toddler meltdown because he wanted me to read him a book, except, he didn't want me to read him a book. I stupidly spent like 25 minutes trying to figure out how to read a book without reading a book before I just put him in the crib and walked out. The screaming was like something out of the exorcist. Then he fell asleep and was, of course, totally fine the next day.

Limiting the books in the basket is a good idea. Most likely he is just really tired and his toddler brain is being extra special because of it. Even if you do everything "right" he might still get upset. If that continues, think about whether he's getting enough sleep and if an earlier bedtime might be in order.

[Anonymous]

He’s tired and not yet 2. Nuff said.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I'm a child psychologist. What you need to understand is that toddlers are bat$hit crazy. My own child once had a huge toddler meltdown because he wanted me to read him a book, except, he didn't want me to read him a book. I stupidly spent like 25 minutes trying to figure out how to read a book without reading a book before I just put him in the crib and walked out. The screaming was like something out of the exorcist. Then he fell asleep and was, of course, totally fine the next day.

Limiting the books in the basket is a good idea. Most likely he is just really tired and his toddler brain is being extra special because of it. Even if you do everything "right" he might still get upset. If that continues, think about whether he's getting enough sleep and if an earlier bedtime might be in order.

Thank you! This is really helpful. We usually start our bedtime routine at 7 and he's in bed by 730 (though sometimes 745 recently due to the book antics haha). He sleeps through the night until around 6:30 and I usually don't get him up until 7 because he just kind of rolls around with his stuffed animals and chats with himself. I think I will start his bedtime routine closer to 645 so he can be in his crib a little earlier.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I'm a child psychologist. What you need to understand is that toddlers are bat$hit crazy. My own child once had a huge toddler meltdown because he wanted me to read him a book, except, he didn't want me to read him a book. I stupidly spent like 25 minutes trying to figure out how to read a book without reading a book before I just put him in the crib and walked out. The screaming was like something out of the exorcist. Then he fell asleep and was, of course, totally fine the next day.

Limiting the books in the basket is a good idea. Most likely he is just really tired and his toddler brain is being extra special because of it. Even if you do everything "right" he might still get upset. If that continues, think about whether he's getting enough sleep and if an earlier bedtime might be in order.

I love this answer.

As the mom to two young kids, one in kindergarten and the other in full-on age 3, I can absolutely confirm that toddlers and preschool age kids are bat$hit crazy. Don't expect this to end anytime soon. More likely than not, it will get worse before it gets better.

And if you need a laugh, go online and look at some of the compilations of young kids throwing full-on meltdowns over stuff like, it's raining, or their parents won't let them ride on the roof of the car. Some of them are hilarious!

https://www.buzzfeed.com/mikespohr/parents-are-sharing-the-illogical-reasons-their-toddlers

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I'm a child psychologist. What you need to understand is that toddlers are bat$hit crazy. My own child once had a huge toddler meltdown because he wanted me to read him a book, except, he didn't want me to read him a book. I stupidly spent like 25 minutes trying to figure out how to read a book without reading a book before I just put him in the crib and walked out. The screaming was like something out of the exorcist. Then he fell asleep and was, of course, totally fine the next day.

Limiting the books in the basket is a good idea. Most likely he is just really tired and his toddler brain is being extra special because of it. Even if you do everything "right" he might still get upset. If that continues, think about whether he's getting enough sleep and if an earlier bedtime might be in order.

Lmao. Listen to this lady, OP!

I have a consistent "policy" with books for my now-preschooler. I will do 2 books a night if we are running on time. If she is delaying bedtime, making things difficult, etc. it's one book or zero books in extreme cases. She knows this policy and it works (and the prospect of reading books motivates her on difficult bedtime nights).

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I'm a child psychologist. What you need to understand is that toddlers are bat$hit crazy. My own child once had a huge toddler meltdown because he wanted me to read him a book, except, he didn't want me to read him a book. I stupidly spent like 25 minutes trying to figure out how to read a book without reading a book before I just put him in the crib and walked out. The screaming was like something out of the exorcist. Then he fell asleep and was, of course, totally fine the next day.

Limiting the books in the basket is a good idea. Most likely he is just really tired and his toddler brain is being extra special because of it. Even if you do everything "right" he might still get upset. If that continues, think about whether he's getting enough sleep and if an earlier bedtime might be in order.

+1

My child development, professor said toddlers were little psychopaths or was it sociopaths? The point is they are bat💩crazy.

[Anonymous]

I was just telling my teen last night that she used to do this at the same age!

We ended up taking the decisions out of her hands. We picked two books and only two books, we read them one time each and that was it. She cried the first two nights and by night 4 totally got it and we had the same routine for years until we got into chapter books and then it was a chapter a night.

Predictability and routine is very important to some kids.

[Anonymous]

Sounds like you have a power struggle on your hands! Also not helped by the fact that he's tired, but at the same time would rather stay up and hang with you than be put to bed and this is the best way he figured out to accomplish that.

As the mom of a very strong-willed preschooler, here's what I'd do:

First, get some new books from the library in case he's a little bored of his current books. Then, when he's excited about new books, set aside a time earlier in the day and say "honey tonight we are going to read 3 (or whatever) of these books. Let's pick them out now and then those will be the ones we read for bedtime. We won't choose any other ones at bedtime, so let's make sure these are the 3 we want." Take those 3 books and put them next to where you read at bedtime and put all the other books away.

When bedtime comes around, start reading. If he protests, say "It sounds like you don't want to read this book, but there are only 2 more books left. If we don't want to read any of them, then reading time will be over." Go through the next two books and if he doesn't want them, then that's it for books. You can be super chill about it like, "oh no! Seems like we didn't want to read any of our books tonight. Maybe tomorrow we can pick out some other ones we'd rather read." Then take him to bed. He'll probably throw a screaming fit if he's anything like my kid, but you gotta power through it, and just be compassionate and tell him tomorrow he can choose other books to read.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Sounds like you have a power struggle on your hands! Also not helped by the fact that he's tired, but at the same time would rather stay up and hang with you than be put to bed and this is the best way he figured out to accomplish that.

As the mom of a very strong-willed preschooler, here's what I'd do:

First, get some new books from the library in case he's a little bored of his current books. Then, when he's excited about new books, set aside a time earlier in the day and say "honey tonight we are going to read 3 (or whatever) of these books. Let's pick them out now and then those will be the ones we read for bedtime. We won't choose any other ones at bedtime, so let's make sure these are the 3 we want." Take those 3 books and put them next to where you read at bedtime and put all the other books away.

When bedtime comes around, start reading. If he protests, say "It sounds like you don't want to read this book, but there are only 2 more books left. If we don't want to read any of them, then reading time will be over." Go through the next two books and if he doesn't want them, then that's it for books. You can be super chill about it like, "oh no! Seems like we didn't want to read any of our books tonight. Maybe tomorrow we can pick out some other ones we'd rather read." Then take him to bed. He'll probably throw a screaming fit if he's anything like my kid, but you gotta power through it, and just be compassionate and tell him tomorrow he can choose other books to read.

I think you're making this even harder than it already is.

[Anonymous]

I'm a huge believer of consistency. So I set two books and two books only. Then I do, "if you don't choose a book in the count of three, I'm choosing for you" and "if you don't want to read the book we choose I guess we'll move to the next one/we're done reading for the evening." But I also let my kids take their books to bed with them like a lovey if they want to which seems to help for some reason.

But also, yeah. Toddlers are batsh!t crazy. You're doing great, OP!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Sounds like you have a power struggle on your hands! Also not helped by the fact that he's tired, but at the same time would rather stay up and hang with you than be put to bed and this is the best way he figured out to accomplish that.

As the mom of a very strong-willed preschooler, here's what I'd do:

First, get some new books from the library in case he's a little bored of his current books. Then, when he's excited about new books, set aside a time earlier in the day and say "honey tonight we are going to read 3 (or whatever) of these books. Let's pick them out now and then those will be the ones we read for bedtime. We won't choose any other ones at bedtime, so let's make sure these are the 3 we want." Take those 3 books and put them next to where you read at bedtime and put all the other books away.

When bedtime comes around, start reading. If he protests, say "It sounds like you don't want to read this book, but there are only 2 more books left. If we don't want to read any of them, then reading time will be over." Go through the next two books and if he doesn't want them, then that's it for books. You can be super chill about it like, "oh no! Seems like we didn't want to read any of our books tonight. Maybe tomorrow we can pick out some other ones we'd rather read." Then take him to bed. He'll probably throw a screaming fit if he's anything like my kid, but you gotta power through it, and just be compassionate and tell him tomorrow he can choose other books to read.

what a great idea! yes - OP, do this. Also try for a slightly earlier start to your bedtime routine. What a lovely "problem" to have, right? all the books all the time all the snuggles.

-mom who read endless books to a crowd of kids on my couch every single night. I remember kids laying on the back of the couch behind me, stretched full out, all the cozies. There is nothing better in parenting, I believe. I also remember actually falling asleep while reading to them. The kids would be like mom? and I would have been slurring my words and taking long pauses...
Now my kids are teens/twenties and they all like to read and it's the only thing -other than thank you notes and being a gracious gift-receiver - that I take credit for in parenting. Don't ever push the 'learning to read' thing, but make the act of reading the coziest and best and most relaxed thing you do with them.

[Anonymous]

My toddler is like this. If I read a page and she wants another book, I just start the other book. If she only wants to read a page - I just read a page in that book. Sometimes I read the same page multiple times. There is no reason why one has to read a whole book. random pages from 5 books is fine too. I let her direct because it's not worth the power struggle over something that doesn't matter.