Split guardian/ conservatorship

[Anonymous]

All — I posted before but wanted to connect with anyone with experiences with petitioning for cinservatorship but getting a social worker or social services agency to serve as guardian for medical decisions. My mother is mentally ill but never treated. Refuses treatment of all kinds. Also refuses to bathe, etc. she is also very verbally and emotionally abusive. I was heading down a path to being her guardian and now an]m backing away as I realize could really wreck my mental health to deal with more of it and she will fight the petitions I am sure, well respected psychiatrist will support the petition. If you have experience with a third party being ok as a guardian could you please respond.

[Anonymous]

Does she have money that can be used to for her care? You can hire a case manager to check on her, assess her needs and get the appropriate services in place. That person can even be POA if needed. You can ask if they do conservatorship as well, but make sure it's a reputable company because that is A LOT of power. That said, you have to protect yourself and your own health.

My brother and I got a case manger involved because we have a mentally ill mother aging and a sister who is manipulative, has paranoid tendencies and is difficult to work with and we felt it is was better to have an outside expert assessing and letting us all know what is needed to keep things peaceful. Our sister is a physician, but goes into strange episodes of denial and hostility. Like dad clearly had terminal cancer and the Dr. was top notch, yet she disagreed (her field is not oncology) and wanted to sue with no evidence there was malpractice-that level of crazy.

My heart goes out to you. These are such complicated situations.

[Anonymous]

I went through guardianship with my mother in Florida. She has been with a court appointed guardian for the last year. Almost at the point where I will take over. It was best for both of us to have a professional guardian who is local to manage everything at the beginning.

[Anonymous]

I don’t have experience with that personally. But I’ve read articles about it and those make me very cautious. This can be a money making business for some and some are unethical and corrupt. I would not go down this route. I would give yourself the legal power and then hire a case manager or someone similar who you can fire yourself if it isn’t working out

[Anonymous]

This only makes sense if your mother has a lot of money to pay for someone to become her guardian and you don’t need the inheritance. Or decide that not dealing with your mother is worth a huge amount of money, because a professional will charge an hourly rate and it likely won’t be inexpensive.

The folks who get an assigned social worker (I have a friend who does this for Fairfax county) are ones with minimal assets, who need a guardian to make decisions for them - my friend gets assigned when someone reports them and no family steps up. My friend gets paid by the county, not by the person she is helping.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:All — I posted before but wanted to connect with anyone with experiences with petitioning for cinservatorship but getting a social worker or social services agency to serve as guardian for medical decisions. My mother is mentally ill but never treated. Refuses treatment of all kinds. Also refuses to bathe, etc. she is also very verbally and emotionally abusive. I was heading down a path to being her guardian and now an]m backing away as I realize could really wreck my mental health to deal with more of it and she will fight the petitions I am sure, well respected psychiatrist will support the petition. If you have experience with a third party being ok as a guardian could you please respond.

You can have the court appoint a guardian but that means that you get no opinion or decision making power so they can do what they want with her and too bad. They can put her at a bad nursing home and you cannot move her. They can waste the little money she has and too bad. Really bad idea.

Even if you get guardianship, you cannot force bathing and mental health treatment.

We had guardianship. My loved one was in a nursing home and if she refused to eat, bath, or cooperate there was nothing the nursing home or we could do about it.

I don't think you understand how this works.

[Anonymous]

PP — I am OP and I am an attorney. I do understand how it works. I have hired case managers. We have them on the ground. I realize this is a lot of power but if I take it on, I will likely face a court fight with my mother and she is just awful. Nothing any of us do will make a difference for my mother so J am trying to find the best way to protect everyone involved.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:PP — I am OP and I am an attorney. I do understand how it works. I have hired case managers. We have them on the ground. I realize this is a lot of power but if I take it on, I will likely face a court fight with my mother and she is just awful. Nothing any of us do will make a difference for my mother so J am trying to find the best way to protect everyone involved.

She has to be declared legally incompetent. If she understands it, you probably don’t have a case. Leave things alone.

[Anonymous]

It is actually lack of legal capacity, not strictly incompetent. A well respected psychiatrist has made that determination. But she will still have the wherewithal to call the court she receives notice.

I really do not want to be her guardian. I do think conservator might make more sense as I hate to watch the irrationality of not paying bills and not taking steps toward house sale and soend down for Medicaid. She is too out of it to implement it.

So hard when the person wsnta to resist everything and third party caregivers feel they need you to make decisions.