Hiring nanny for newborn while WFH

[Anonymous]

Would love to hear experiences of families that have hired a nanny while one or both parents work from home (each with dedicated office area). I’ve heard this is not ideal for some nannies but don’t know specifics and how people navigate that. Is it just that nanny might feel micromanaged? Any insight into typical days, do’s and donts, and other guidance?

For us, mom is permanently WFH and has been most of her career, with occasional face to face meetings or travel, but those days have been rare since start of covid. Dad‘s office became fully remote during the pandemic; he might eventually move to a new job that requires office commute but for now that’s unknown. Babe would be 3 or 4 months when we’re aiming for a nanny to start.

Many of the nannies in our neighborhood pick up in the morning and are generally out all day, most days, including stroller naps. I had initially assumed they’d be watching the babe at home about half the time.

I’m generally ok with outings, and it’ll help us focus, but there are times when we (me especially) can have flexibility — would it be weird / a conflict to want to see babe on my breaks and maybe even nurse? Is that realistic? Or is the nanny hire the point to fully switch to bottles (at least during the day)?

[Anonymous]

We both WFH with a nanny. Kid is in that deep separation anxiety phase and will whine when we come down to grab a snack but otherwise we’re pretty busy with meetings and don’t interrupt too often. I do catch her on her phone a little more often than I’d like, not sure if it’s because I am home so I see it vs. if I wasn’t here, I’d be none the wiser.

Typical day is that nanny comes and makes kid breakfast, we all sort of eat together while checking emails, and then head to our offices. They definitely do a long stroller nap which is fine with me, fresh air and gives her a break.

I think nursing is fine - it’s your baby! And setting expectations about what you’d like your day to look like will be good and you can let them know you’re not looking to micromanage.

[Anonymous]

I WFH with a nanny. Have been since our oldest was a baby. He's 3 now, and his little sister is 1.5.

I'm sure there are different ways to make this work, but for me, I have a desk in my bedroom, which also has a bathroom, and the children do not see me during the day at all. I do this for a few reasons: 1) I like the space! I love my kids, but I also like a little break from them. It also helps me focus on work. 2) I didn't want them to have to deal with separation anxiety, crying for me, unpredictibility, etc. Since day one, they know they don't see me during the day, so they adjust quickly and fully. 3) I don't want to interrupt their routine. On the very rare occasions when I have seen them (leaving the house for a doctors appointment, for example) it really pulls them away from their routine in a way that's negative for them, I think. 4) I don't want the nanny to feel micromanaged 5) I don't want to get in the nanny's way or have her think she needs to work around me or my schedule. I work around HER schedule during the day.

When the oldest was on two naps, the nanny took him out in between, so she was around in the morning, put him down for first nap, then fed him lunch and took him to the park, then put him down for nap two and then was around with him. I would come to the kitchen for a quick breakfast when he was down for his first nap (around 10am), eat quickly and go back to my desk. Then I would come to the kitchen for lunch when they were at the park.

Once he dropped down to one nap, they started going to the park or library in the morning, and once baby #2 entered the scene, she would take her morning nap in the stroller at the park. So, I'd would have breakfast then. Then I have a late lunch after both kids are down for their naps.

Nursing I can't speak to. We started our first at 10 months old when he was already weaned to formula, and our second at 5 months old when I was already exclusively pumping, so nursing wasn't part of our routine. If you're still nursing though, I'd probably try to do that (I've done both and pumping is a pain). I would work with the nanny to see how that would work.

[Anonymous]

WFH is secondary to having clear and healthy communication and roles. It’s just that being physically away solves a lot of the potential problems.

I think nannying is hard but I think being an infant mom and handing your baby to a nanny is harder. You’re taking your most important and passionate project and turning it over to someone else who is new. It’s hard!

Be up front about your expectations for the baby and the nanny. Clearly communicate what you’re going to do. Of course it’s fine to pop out and to nurse. A nanny is going to be frustrated if she is implementing the agreed upon nap schedule and you pop out because you hear crying, for example. And hearing crying is going to be really hard. It’s hard for everyone and you are nursing, which means you’re going to set off a whole biological situation. That’s why women bring recordings for the pumping room.

Just be a good employer, as best you can.

[Anonymous]

It's totally ok for you to see and nurse your young baby during the day! You are the employer and you get to set the rules. You may have some nannies who decline the job due to the rules, but then they're not the nanny for you. We hired a nanny when my baby was 7 months, and I breast fed until 16 months. My husband and I telework every day and each have our own office. Mine is upstairs by the nursery and playroom, and because I rarely have important meetings, I was always available to breast feed when my baby was hungry. I loved having that time to bond with my baby and it meant I didn't have to pump. Pumping sucks and so does washing the parts. My understanding is that nannies will wash bottles but feel they should not have to wash the pump parts.

I find it bizarre that nannies in your neighborhood are out all day. Even in the winter? A big part of why I hired a nanny was to avoid germs so I would not be ok with my nanny taking my kid to indoor venues all day. I live in a non-walkable suburban neighborhood without much of a nanny scene. But even in the city, it sounds odd to make the babies nap in the stroller every day. How will the baby get trained to nap int he crib? On the weekends, you're going to be annoyed if you have to push the stroller for hours to get your baby to nap. I think those nannies are acting in their own self interest. They'd rather hang out with their nanny friends at the park than be bored in your house where you might see them on their phone. And lastly, if you do allow the nanny to be out all day with your baby, consider putting an airtag on the stroller (and of course let the nanny know). I have some anxiety and need to know where my kid is at all times.

[Anonymous]

We both WFH and only see the baby at lunch time. During that time the nanny takes a break. I don't know if she's just sitting in the rocking chair and closing her eyes or what, but she generally leaves the kitchen and we get a bit of family time. I nurse then, otherwise pump and the nanny feeds bottles. Other than lunchtime we stay out of sight until the work day is finished. With a newborn that doesn't have the majority of their vaccines they're really not going out much especially if born in winter during flu season. If it's spring/summer then it's easier to spend time outside but away from others.

The nannies here like to make friends and they all meet up at the park. We've actually gotten a few friends from our nanny making friends with other nannies who watch kids similar ages.

[Anonymous]

I'm the PP who hired a nanny at 7 mo. There are a few more things I wanted to mention. At only 3-4 mo, your baby won't have separation anxiety. It'll start to develop around 7 months. But it wasn't so bad for us, even with a nanny starting then. I made myself scarce initially except for BF, and that got them bonded. My husband and I love seeing our daughter when we have a free moment and are making coffee, doing laundry, etc. Our daughter runs over to hug us and then happily goes back to playing with her nanny. Working from home is isolating, so we love having these extra moments with our child.

You may have more luck with getting a nanny who wants to stay in your house if you hire one who is introverted or possibly older Our nanny is very shy so it's a good fit for us.

What do the nannies in your neighborhood do about toys? Many of them are too big to fit into a stroller, especially as the babies turn into toddlers (ball pit, cozy coupe, tunnel, arts and crafts, etc). How are the nannies developing manipulative skills, etc if they're at the playground all day? How will the nanny heat up the milk you've pumped if she is out all day? As your kid gets older, it'll mean not eating a hot lunch. I wouldn't want my kid eating PB&J every day. Also, if your nanny is gone all day, she can't wash bottles and baby laundry during crib naps.

You should decide if you're ok with a nanny bringing your baby to her house. Personally, I would not be ok with that. You don't know who else could be in the house, or what is going on. Also, I have pretty specific standards for cleanliness and safety (baby proofed, no guns, radon remediation, air purifiers, reverse osmosis water filter, vacuum several times a week, no shoes in the house, no pets). I know I'm extra, but my point is that you have surely spent a lot of time designing your house to suit your baby's needs, and you can't expect the nanny's house to be equivalent.

[Anonymous]

We both WFH a majority of the time with a nanny. For us, it's key that our office space is in the basement, away from where nanny/DC spend their time. That helps us focus and nanny/DC not get distracted by us.

Our nanny is also awesome at taking DC out for activities like storytime, music class, playground outings, and the library. Except for lunch and snack time, they're pretty much always out of the house. I find it odd that other parents have commented here that they don't like this. Yes, my kid has picked up a few illnesses from indoor activities, but it's nothing compared to daycare germs. That said, we live in a walkable city neighborhood with lots to do and a lot of other kids with nannies.

[Anonymous]

We have a nanny and my husband and I have primarily worked from home since the start of the pandemic. We have separate home offices in our basement and the nanny/kids stay upstairs. The separation really helps both of us. I stay away from the kids all day - one is a toddler and gets upset if he sees me and then I leave again. That doesn’t happen for my husband, so he pops in a bit more frequently during the day for snacks, etc.

With respect to nursing, it really depends on your work schedule. When I had a baby, I pumped and left bottles for my nanny. If your work is really flexible so that the nanny could bring the baby to you any time, then nursing might work. But if you wanted to nurse at set times, I could see a nanny getting frustrated with that because babies often get hungry at different times. It might also be harder as the baby gets closer to a year old and might start experiencing some separation anxiety when you give return the baby to the nanny after nursing.

[Anonymous]

So many parents think this is a bonus. For experienced, capable nannies, it’s a red flag.

[Anonymous]

3:59 gets the jackpot re: nursing. Infants feed on demand, not at set times. If you don’t have calls or meetings, there’s no reason that you can’t breast-feed on demand, and there are many nannies that would love your position. If you have calls and can nurse during them, that can work. If you have zoom meetings, you need to allow the nanny to either give formula or pumped milk if you cannot be immediately available. This is about what is best for your child, and that is why so many nannies have an issue with parents who are constantly in and out or want to breast-feed on a schedule. We know that that just does not work long term.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:We both WFH with a nanny. Kid is in that deep separation anxiety phase and will whine when we come down to grab a snack but otherwise we’re pretty busy with meetings and don’t interrupt too often. I do catch her on her phone a little more often than I’d like, not sure if it’s because I am home so I see it vs. if I wasn’t here, I’d be none the wiser.

Typical day is that nanny comes and makes kid breakfast, we all sort of eat together while checking emails, and then head to our offices. They definitely do a long stroller nap which is fine with me, fresh air and gives her a break.

I think nursing is fine - it’s your baby! And setting expectations about what you’d like your day to look like will be good and you can let them know you’re not looking to micromanage.

You have a nanny who is agreeable to work with both parents who WFH and you think she is in the phone too much? Count your blessings and don't complain.