Playdates 101
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Anonymous
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Due to covid and the fact that school doesn't give out a contact list, my kids have never had playdates. 3x this past month my kids have brought notes home from other moms asking for playdates. I've texted the moms saying we'd love a playdate, but nothing gets scheduled. If you ask my kids for a playdate, then shouldn't you plan something? How do I get playdates to start happening? Do I schedule a meetup at a playground? Invite the kid to my house? I really would love to have the kids over and I could plan a craft to do with them. But I have 3 kids (one is a baby) and I don't have much time to entertain the mom too, is that expected? What age do parents do drop off playdates? Should I get my other two kids a babysitter so that I can go to the playground/someone's house with just my one kid? (DH travels a lot) I would never bring my other kids to someone's house.
Explain it to me like I'm 5. |
Anonymous
| If they ask then it’s your job to suggest days, times, places that might work or not work for you. |
Anonymous
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OP it doesn't have to be a big deal. Yes, I think the other mom would prefer you have it at your house. When my kids were small, I preferred them at our house, because I could hear and pay attention, especially when they were young.
How old is your kid? Drop offs usually start around 6, depending on the kid. If there are SNs involved, it really is not fair to drop off without pertinent needs in place. What you should do is write a note back with your contact info, saying the kids are interested, and if you can host, tell them when and where. If you want to meet at a playground, or get permission to take their kid after school, suggest that. You want to be careful of the moms who never reciprocate. Most moms are pretty good about it. |
Anonymous
Wait- really? I'm supposed to come up with the place and the plan for the playdate? I already said that I was free anytime this weekend. |
Anonymous
To some families, weekend is family time. |
Anonymous
OP here. Okay... well if weekend time is family time then why are they asking me for weekend playdates? I would be okay with weekday playdates too but we're busy on weekdays and I'd need advance notice. I'm not trying to make this complicated, it's just that I need more specifics and I have to make arrangements for my other kids. The kids who are asked for playdates are 4 and 6. |
Anonymous
| If they suggested the play date, they should host it and offer the day and time. |
Anonymous
| For 4 and 6 I would start with a meetup at the playground. After you are familiar with the familiar with the family move to drop off playdates at your house or theirs. When they get a little older it's easier because the expectation is drop off. We have kids over somewhat frequently for my 5 and 8 year old and it's pretty easy because they just play and entertain themselves. |
Anonymous
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Hey Op -
It can all be a bit complicated at these ages. 4 is generally at home or a nearby playground with the parents sticking around. By 6 we are usually dropping off. it is not your job to suggest the activity since they invited you but I also wouldn't be afraid to suggest something to move it forward. As we all know, they could have written you with the best of intentions and then gotten busy with kids, work, etc. Clearly by reaching out they want to make it happen. In our school the playdates are usually reciprocal, one parent hosts one week and then another parent the next time. And another tip- in general I think it helps to just be super up front - 'do you prefer we drop off or stick around'? 'What time should I pick them uo', etc. Much better than leaving anything to interpretation. |
Anonymous
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OP here. OK got it.
If I suggest a playground meetup, I shouldn't bring the baby correct? I wouldn't bring him to someone else's house, but I'm not sure about playgrounds. |
Anonymous
For a playground I would bring all the kids. It’s just a regular trip to the playground with a guaranteed friend to play with. |
Anonymous
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If you have the parent email or phone, just write what you've explained here (3 kids + baby, busy but want to make it work). Then propose a time and place, they can counter. Usually the family proposing the playdate will set a time, but it sounds like you may be the one with a busier schedule, so you should give the time/place that works for you.
Likely will not be drop-off with a 4 year old, and for a new family with kids that age, usually I plan to meet and chat with the parents. I also like to stay to make sure they play well together. Once you get to know them better, it's drop-off on the 2nd playdate. |
Anonymous
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If you kid ends up needing a band aid for something, do not freak out.
Kids get skinned knees; it happens. No, it is not cause for a civil suit against the other parent. |
Anonymous
| Always pack a snack & water. And enough to share if you can. |
Anonymous
I'm in a similar situation (3 kids, oldest is in k, youngest is a baby). If I got a note like that'd i'd 1) Respond with something like "we'd love a playdate! we're busy this weekend but wide open next weekend. I was thinking about taking the kids to xyz play space / playground...would you want to meet up for that? Or I'm happy to do either house (or you could more specifically offer your house if that works for you) 2) If we land on my house, I tell them they're welcome to stay or go get some other things done (I've also often been told this by other parents). If they stay, it's never been a probably that I can't just sit and chat the whole time. Often we'll send the bigger kids to the playroom and i'll stay in a quieter area with the little kids and other mom 3) If it ended up at their house, either my husband or I would go the first time. after that i'd do drop off (even for my 3yo after a few more supervised playdates) if they were offering and i and my kids felt comfortable with them. I'd definitely try to switch my 5yo to drop off quickly, mainly because I feel like drop off playdates lead to the kids actually playing together without adult leading / intervening more, where parent stay ones it leads to parents and kids all hanging out together. Which can be fun and we do that sometime too when we want to do family hangouts, but part of the benefit of a playdate is the kids learn how to navigate social interactions without adults guiding everything |