2 year old won’t play by himself

[Anonymous]

We send him to a playgroup twice a week for 2 hours, and he will play independently there because I am not there. But at home, he will not play by himself for more than 5 mins if I am around. He will literally stand next to me and bug me to play with him and if I refuse, he will just watch (and whine quietly) what I am doing no matter how boring it is (he’s standing right by me as I type this) or how long it takes. He has plenty of focused time with me. Im with him all the time except for those 4 hours a week. How do I get him to play independently?

[Anonymous]

Well, you’re his world right now so it makes sense. I understand it can be frustrating though. I would actually play with him for about 10 minutes or so. Then I’d go do my chores (dishes, dusting, laundry) and have him help. Helping with dishes can mean playing with your plastic ware on the floor with a wooden spoon or spatulas. Laundry help can mean letting him try to fold towels or washcloths. He folds it first then you fold it. Doesn’t work as well with clothes though!
Dusting help could mean giving him a rag and letting him dust his toys.

Just keep him busy with you. He will likely get bored and you’ll want to make sure he has a toy area where it’s safe and easy for him to wander off too. But the more you resist his desire to play at first, the more desperate and clingy he will be.

[Anonymous]

You wait 2-3 years for when this kind of thing is normal. A 2 yo playing 5 minutes alone is normal, more than that is an unrealistic expectation. I don’t mean this in a snarky way, I’ve been there…

[Anonymous]

Busy Toddler has alot of great recommendations to encourage independent play:

https://busytoddler.com/independent-play/

But it takes practice. I set-up sensory bins or arts and crafts near me. When mine were toddlers we lived in an apartment so they couldn't really be far anyway. Things like putting pom poms in a bottle, dot markers. gluestick and small pieces of paper, a bin with dried pasta and measuring cups, etc. all kept my kid's attention long enough for me to do fold laundry or do dishes. Over time they have gotten much better at it and can sometimes play for hours on their own (or with each other because I have two).

[Anonymous]

You have to teach him play skills, and increase the amount of time you expect him to play alone.

[Anonymous]

He’s *TWO.*

[Anonymous]

Most 2 year olds do not have this skill. Gofe it time.

[Anonymous]

Only have one two year old but disagree they don’t have this skill. They do - and most early childhood programs list it as a milestone for two year olds - so I’d continue working with him to get there. I like the tips you’ve been given.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Only have one two year old but disagree they don’t have this skill. They do - and most early childhood programs list it as a milestone for two year olds - so I’d continue working with him to get there. I like the tips you’ve been given.

I said most. And also 24 months and 30 months is a big difference. As is gender sometimes. I have 2 kids. One was great at playing by herself for 20-30 min around 2.5 and the other wanted people around her all the time. They are still the same personality wise at 5 and 8.

[Anonymous]

I was just talking about this with my partner. Our daughter is in her twenties now, but was terrible about entertaining herself as a little kid. I know that we entertained her too much, and looking back, I should probably tried some of the strategies listed above, like having toys that she could play with alongside me, while I did other things. I know some kids who just sat right down and played by themselves, but not mine. Keep in mind the developmental stage of needing to connect with you, and while it can drive you crazy, it’s emotionally important for the kid.

I had a neighbor middle school kid who would come over after school and play with my kid so I got a break.

Just plan for it, until the kid is old enough to be more independent. You can also have preferred toys that only come out when you need a few minutes to yourself, so they are novel enough to keep their interest.

[Anonymous]

I’m a SAHM with a reasonably independent two year old and sitting and typing is the hardest thing, honestly. Much more success with doing chores. When you sit, you become a magnet for cuddles and attention. A parent sitting and typing is like a very tempting toy. Also it’s easier to include them in most chores. I also say no, gently. If he wants to sit next to you and whine, that’s okay! Those are valid feelings. You just hold the line of whatever you said (like 5 minutes or two emails) and let him manage his reaction.