One Sibling hopd out on signing probate agreement

[Anonymous]

Looking for suggestions for DH: One of his 6 siblings is refusing to sign the modified probate agreement as she thinks there's a nefarious cabal where others are trying use this rather than standard probate to hide assests (both 'things' and financials.) If you went through this - what worked to move any hold outs to see the light and accept that this isn't a second best method but an appropriate one??

This isn't a complicated estate or particularly large - especially divided by the intended 7 equal shares. With eventual sale of the house the estate will MAYBE be $3mil. Her roadblock will mean every action needs to go through a judge - including just appointing the intended executor - dragging out the whole process and negating much of the estate planning ILs had done. Her delusions about the value of the household and insistance on hiring an appraiser is also a sticking point when in reality there's probably not one thing in the house worth more than $500. (The rugs, antiques and art work aren't anything special - and my very informed ILs collected what they enjoyed but weren't 'collectors' of high priced items and there wasn't anything that turned up
in an earlier appraisal when MIL died and first trust established. I am truly staying out of all discussions and just am ear to my DH after weekly sibling calls. At his wits end I suggested DCUM posting.

[Anonymous]

Sounds like my mother's family dynamics. After years of wrangling and accumulated costs, the estate turned out not to be worth much. The fallout among siblings was permanent, and the whole situation was really sad.

I hope it won't turn out like this in your husband's case. Who is the stubborn sibling likely to trust most? That person should try to convince them that they're reducing their own share of the estate if they add so much costs to the whole process.

[Anonymous]

This is OP: at this point she doesn't trust anyone. She is a very odd duck and has alienated pretty much everyone in her life.

[Anonymous]

I had a cousin pull this stunt. Finally after a year we had him agree to sign his immediately over to charity.

[Anonymous]

Hand her a copy of Bleak House by Dickens.

[Anonymous]

Op, I am a lawyer. Not trust and estates, but I learned a lot from interacting with my parents lawyers to set up their estate planning.

Can you give more detail? I don’t understand what’s happening. It’s okay to go through traditional probate. It’s more of a pain in the neck, but it’s ok.

Who is the executor? What process exactly are the rest of you trying to bypass?

[Anonymous]

You need to offer her a bone. Something like she can take anything in the house (after the will is doled out) that she wants. If she thinks an appraiser would want it, she can do all that and get all money.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Op, I am a lawyer. Not trust and estates, but I learned a lot from interacting with my parents lawyers to set up their estate planning.

Can you give more detail? I don’t understand what’s happening. It’s okay to go through traditional probate. It’s more of a pain in the neck, but it’s ok.

Who is the executor? What process exactly are the rest of you trying to bypass?

One of my DHs (unmarried) brothers is executor. He moved into house and took care of ILs. The value of the modified probate route is the speed and straightforward path - with the required reporting not being the onerous in person reporting requirement. This could wrap take 9-12 months. The standard probate on the otherhand will likely drag on for 2 years and ask for a tremendous amount of accounting and add steps that add nothing to the process as my BIL is already being as transparent as possible. No one wants the house, the only 'fight' over things are two sisters asking for old encyclopedias because the bindings fit their decor. The hold out just cannot seem to believe that the financial documents are real or even the photographic cataloging (still and video) of household items are complete. It seems mostly like its her flexing the only power she has just to delay.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Hand her a copy of Bleak House by Dickens.

18:31 here. Ha. When my mother read it, she was like: "Oh no, this is US!".

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Op, I am a lawyer. Not trust and estates, but I learned a lot from interacting with my parents lawyers to set up their estate planning.

Can you give more detail? I don’t understand what’s happening. It’s okay to go through traditional probate. It’s more of a pain in the neck, but it’s ok.

Who is the executor? What process exactly are the rest of you trying to bypass?

Same here. I recently went through this with both my parents and my spouse’s, with one set using a trust and one going through probate. I have never heard of “modified probate.”

Can you explain more, OP? Is this specific to the state where your in laws lived?

[Anonymous]

Just resign yourself to regular probate and proceed accordingly. My mantra is “you can’t argue with crazy.”

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Op, I am a lawyer. Not trust and estates, but I learned a lot from interacting with my parents lawyers to set up their estate planning.

Can you give more detail? I don’t understand what’s happening. It’s okay to go through traditional probate. It’s more of a pain in the neck, but it’s ok.

Who is the executor? What process exactly are the rest of you trying to bypass?

Same here. I recently went through this with both my parents and my spouse’s, with one set using a trust and one going through probate. I have never heard of “modified probate.”

Can you explain more, OP? Is this specific to the state where your in laws lived?

OP here:,This is in Maryland. I'm definitely not a lawyer so explaining as I understand. Standard probate would require the executor to appear regularly before a judge to give up dates and I believe oversight approval for each step of settling the 'affairs' of the estate. Modified allows the executor to carry out the interests of the estate in good faith with the reports to be made at completion. All but the one sister trusts that BIL is being fair and above board.
My BIL met w/the ILs attorney so informed as to what's expected and is a very through and honest man.

[Anonymous]

The best way to move things forward is in person. Can the hold out and someone who will openly listen go in person to the family home and walk through concern with executor?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Op, I am a lawyer. Not trust and estates, but I learned a lot from interacting with my parents lawyers to set up their estate planning.

Can you give more detail? I don’t understand what’s happening. It’s okay to go through traditional probate. It’s more of a pain in the neck, but it’s ok.

Who is the executor? What process exactly are the rest of you trying to bypass?

One of my DHs (unmarried) brothers is executor. He moved into house and took care of ILs. The value of the modified probate route is the speed and straightforward path - with the required reporting not being the onerous in person reporting requirement. This could wrap take 9-12 months. The standard probate on the otherhand will likely drag on for 2 years and ask for a tremendous amount of accounting and add steps that add nothing to the process as my BIL is already being as transparent as possible. No one wants the house, the only 'fight' over things are two sisters asking for old encyclopedias because the bindings fit their decor. The hold out just cannot seem to believe that the financial documents are real or even the photographic cataloging (still and video) of household items are complete. It seems mostly like its her flexing the only power she has just to delay.

I still don’t understand what is happening with the estate, OP. Did your in laws have trust or just a will? If there was a trust, was it fully funded, or are some items (financial and/or “things”) outside the trust?

Probate isn’t that big of a deal and it can actually be helpful to have some court oversight because then everyone is protected. Are any of the siblings, ie the executor or the sister who is asking questions, getting advice from a lawyer who specializes in probate situations? Good legal advice can be very worthwhile in situations like this.

[Anonymous]

Just go through Probate.