Vent/WTF?! Still recovering from Christmas with the relatives
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Anonymous
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Every year for Christmas my family (spouse and 2 kids) drive to my parents' house for about week long stay. 2 of my older siblings live in the same town as my parents (not our home town) and 2 of my siblings live elsewhere. (So grandma, grandpa and 2 siblings live in one town, 3 remaining siblings live in 3 different cities) Best case the drive is 8 hours for my family (that's a personal record - this year it took 11 hours to get there with only one stop). Also every year, my family stays with my parents but we all go to my older sister's house for Christmas morning and brunch. She is the only other sibling with kids. Her youngest kid is a little less than a year older than my oldest (mine are 3.5 years and 7.5 years).
So, this year the day before Christmas, in the afternoon I over hear a conversation between my mom and my sister that mentions my 7.5 year old. I go in and say "hey what's going on?" My mom says "oh we're talking about plans for tomorrow. We're going to do the brunch at grandma and grandpa's house instead of sister's house." I say "ok, that's fine." They go on to tell me that the fridge at sister's house is broken and pulled out into the middle of the kitchen, so that's why that change is happening. Then my sister tells me that my 7.5 year old told her two youngest kids (8.5 and 10.5) that santa wasn't real and that if you believe in santa you're a baby. I said wow, she shouldn't have said that, I will talk to her about it and she won't say that again. Then my sister said that because it would be so awkward and uncomfortable because our families have "such different values" her family would be opening presents at her house with grandma and grandpa, and then my family could do presents with grandma and grandpa separately at a different time. I was shocked and asked, "so you're saying my family isn't welcome with your family for christmas?" She continued to go on about our family's different values and how she didn't want to make a big deal out of the not believing in santa thing so I shouldn't even talk to my kid about that. Then she pivoted to how their fridge is broken and the house isn't ready and she hasn't wrapped presents. I mainly sat in silence. Periodically just saying things like "is there a way for the family to be together?" "It's Christmas eve and you're asking me to tell my 3 year old she won't be opening presents with her cousins tomorrow" and "this feels horrible." My favorite moment was when I said "I have a 3 year old" and she responded with "what does that have to do with anything?" Ultimately she and my mom landed on opening presents at my parents house with the whole family (parents have the biggest house so space is not a concern). I got up and walked away and was cordial but kept my distance from my sister the whole rest of the trip. For some added context - none of our families are religious. Christmas is very secular... about santa and gifts and time with family. Also, on Christmas my sister and her husband talked openly about where they bought their kids' presents from and lots of tags were on making it clear that gifts were bought at target and not made in the north pole. Also, my family had been there one full day when all of this went down, so our kids had been together for 1 dinner and maybe an hour or two of hanging out together - all of which seemed to go well and like the kids were having a blast. So, I've just got ask WTF? Also, I'm pissed and sad for so many reasons. One of which being we see my sister and her family once or twice a year when we go to visit and it sucks that this visit was tainted in this way... and I don't know how to move forward from this with her or if I even want to. |
Anonymous
| I think you call your sister and you hash it out. Clearly, there is more to this than Santa. She has been carrying some resentment for a while and you need to talk it out. |
Anonymous
| So you're saying that your child broke the truth about Santa and called older cousin(s) a baby for believing, but it's your sister who ruined Christmas? |
Anonymous
| Her kids really didn’t have a clue about Santa at 8.5 and 10.5? |
Anonymous
I mean, sure, the 7-year-old shouldn't have said what they said, but they're a child and children sometimes say things like that. OP agreed that her kid shouldn't have said it. Who un-invites someone from Christmas morning because of that? What does that have to do with a family's "values"? |
Anonymous
Yup. And they all still came up with a plan to accommodate OP’s 3 yr old. |
Anonymous
NP - yeah, I’d say that an adult’s grossly immmature response is the problem here, not that of a seven year old CHILD. JFC. I’m sorry, OP. Family stuff can be so painful. If you’re usually close with your sister, it’s worth hashing out, as a PP said. |
Anonymous
| Your focus should be on you 7 year old. Not that she told her cousins that Santa wasn't real, though I think that is uncool, but that she said they were babies for believing. |
Anonymous
This is a bad take |
Anonymous
The only reason there was a need to accommodate the 3-year-old is because the sister grossly overreacted. It's not like the 7-year-old spilled the beans about Santa to a preschooler, and family should be more important than a made-up man in a red suit. I can't imagine saying that my sister and her family weren't welcome to share Christmas with mine because her kid told the truth about Santa. |
Anonymous
Eh I think it’s pretty immature to turn a small tiff with your sister (that was resolved) into some big deal where you avoid her for the rest of your holiday and then post about it on the internet. Maybe OP’s sister overreacted, but certainly OP isn’t being mature. |
Anonymous
| What values are different between the two families? Has this come up before? |
Anonymous
The issue is that the 7 yr old insulted her cousins. Not that she spilled the Santa beans. It doesn’t even matter though, because in the end they all opened presents together. So why is OP still harping on this? |
Anonymous
OP, you are overreacting. Your sister started off overreacting but, as detailed in your story, softened by the end of the conversation with your mom and reached a compromise. Why don't you understand that your sister was hurt by your child's actions? My children were all around 9-10 when they were finally willing to admit the Santa ruse. Maybe your sister was simply hoping ofr this to be the one last Christmas they had with that Santa magic at hand. Maybe the tags and conversation about stores happened after your kid spilled the beans (she did, after all, say that she still had presents to wrap at the time of her call with your mom) and she and her DH had to sit the kids down for the truth talk. Undoubtedly, your kid stole a little bit of something from her kids and, even though your child is young, s/he had no business doing so and then insulting his/her cousin on top of it all! Kinda sounds like your kid took the bratty route and instead of trying to fix it for your sister, you took the bratty route and complained about your 3 year old. Your sister was right, what did it matter how old your youngest was. You were lucky her kids didn't turn around and tell your 3 year old that Santa is just a big joke. |
Anonymous
| People are so weird about Santa. Is it just DCUM? I know of no one who is like this in real life. Don't, like, 99% of kids find out about Santa from another kid? I know I never had a formal "sit-down" with my oldest child about it. The fact that it should cause any kind of family rift is ludicrous. (The kids calling the cousins babies is not that big of a deal either btw! Kids do this stuff, and OP should correct the behavior and maybe have her child make amends with his cousins, but the parents should not be this emotionally involved in this issue either). Lots of unnecessary drama here. |