Mother now incompetent/ incapacitated for medical and financial

[Anonymous]

There is a lot more to this story but, as a basic question, could someone share their experience with becoming guardian/ conservator. If guardian, was your parent compliant with medical treatment? I have a mother who is completely non-compliant with all medical care, she refuses to bathe, shower, wear clothes, etc. She is fairly young (76) and basically healthy although endangered with complete lack of self care and resistance to treating wounds etc. but this could go on for a while. any experience with this? The conservator seems like an easier thing to do. I am not sure if I decline to be guardian whether the nursing home will go ahead and seek one to be appointed by the state.

Long term mental health issues and now cognitive decline.

[Anonymous]

She needs to be drugged to the point where she will be compliant with the very minimum safety requirements: bathing and dressing.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:There is a lot more to this story but, as a basic question, could someone share their experience with becoming guardian/ conservator. If guardian, was your parent compliant with medical treatment? I have a mother who is completely non-compliant with all medical care, she refuses to bathe, shower, wear clothes, etc. She is fairly young (76) and basically healthy although endangered with complete lack of self care and resistance to treating wounds etc. but this could go on for a while. any experience with this? The conservator seems like an easier thing to do. I am not sure if I decline to be guardian whether the nursing home will go ahead and seek one to be appointed by the state.

Long term mental health issues and now cognitive decline.

They will if there's no insurance in place/ they aren't getting paid.

[Anonymous]

It really depends on the nursing home but if they take over and control the money it will not be spent on mom. I would take guardianship. I did it for my MIL and went to court. It was not difficult.

[Anonymous]

My mother has a court appointed guardian in FL. It is better for both of us if it is an independent person making the decisions.

[Anonymous]

Guardians are often abusive and steal money so I would take this on and not let the court appoint a guardian who may steal and also will have the power to prevent you from ever seeing your parent again.

I read a Buzzfeed News article on this topic in the Best American Magazine Writing book.

[Anonymous]

Does anyone happen to know off hand how much scrutiny the guardian gets? I won’t be able to force my mother to bathe, wear clothes, trim her fingernails, consent to medical care. All I have is the ability to document that I have tried but I am not goong to tell her every day to bathe and have her refuse every day. I know this sounds crazy and it is. I think I have to do it but it is not as though it will change everything because she is refusing.

[Anonymous]

If you do not intervene, the nursing home and the guardian will likely be in cahoots. I had this happen to my aunt who had no children. She was relatively young, was in a medicare facility because she had a trach and could not speak, but was mentally sounds. When she went into the ICU for pneumonia the nursing home petitioned to have her deemed mentally incompetent and requested a guardian be assigned, and suggested a particular guardian who then filed that his first request was to have the beneficiary of my aunt's life insurance to be changed (which he would have been able to do if he had been assigned as guardian). He wanted to change the beneficiary to the nursing home.

When I found out, I was able to get an elder care attorney involved to file an emergency injunction (or whatever it is called) to have me named as her guardian which I was.

This is a common scam. Netflix made a movie about a real one called" I Care A Lot"

[Anonymous]

Thanks but no scam here. This is a county nursing home and I need their help honestly. I am going to pursue guardian but I cannot make my mother conply with basic medical care

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Thanks but no scam here. This is a county nursing home and I need their help honestly. I am going to pursue guardian but I cannot make my mother conply with basic medical care

I'm not sure you understand what being a guardian means. You are not certifying that you can force them to do anything. You are the decision maker. Your mother will not be able to enter contracts, make legal decisions, etc., independent of you. It doesn't mean you are liable to get her to 100% comply with anything.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:If you do not intervene, the nursing home and the guardian will likely be in cahoots. I had this happen to my aunt who had no children. She was relatively young, was in a medicare facility because she had a trach and could not speak, but was mentally sounds. When she went into the ICU for pneumonia the nursing home petitioned to have her deemed mentally incompetent and requested a guardian be assigned, and suggested a particular guardian who then filed that his first request was to have the beneficiary of my aunt's life insurance to be changed (which he would have been able to do if he had been assigned as guardian). He wanted to change the beneficiary to the nursing home.

When I found out, I was able to get an elder care attorney involved to file an emergency injunction (or whatever it is called) to have me named as her guardian which I was.

This is a common scam. Netflix made a movie about a real one called" I Care A Lot"

I'm a PP from 1/4. The judge would have to be in on it too, because generally judges appoint independent guardians if family is unwilling or unable to be the guardian. At least in my state/ at every guardianship hearing at which I've testified, that happens. The facility is not able to request guardians, and the court always exhausts every family contact first. The NH resident is appointed an attorney by the court who represents them.
I'm not saying it never happens in other places, I've just never seen it, I guess. That sounds like a very corrupt state you live in.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:If you do not intervene, the nursing home and the guardian will likely be in cahoots. I had this happen to my aunt who had no children. She was relatively young, was in a medicare facility because she had a trach and could not speak, but was mentally sounds. When she went into the ICU for pneumonia the nursing home petitioned to have her deemed mentally incompetent and requested a guardian be assigned, and suggested a particular guardian who then filed that his first request was to have the beneficiary of my aunt's life insurance to be changed (which he would have been able to do if he had been assigned as guardian). He wanted to change the beneficiary to the nursing home.

When I found out, I was able to get an elder care attorney involved to file an emergency injunction (or whatever it is called) to have me named as her guardian which I was.

This is a common scam. Netflix made a movie about a real one called" I Care A Lot"

I'm a PP from 1/4. The judge would have to be in on it too, because generally judges appoint independent guardians if family is unwilling or unable to be the guardian. At least in my state/ at every guardianship hearing at which I've testified, that happens. The facility is not able to request guardians, and the court always exhausts every family contact first. The NH resident is appointed an attorney by the court who represents them.
I'm not saying it never happens in other places, I've just never seen it, I guess. That sounds like a very corrupt state you live in.

This was in Alexandria, VA

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Does anyone happen to know off hand how much scrutiny the guardian gets? I won’t be able to force my mother to bathe, wear clothes, trim her fingernails, consent to medical care. All I have is the ability to document that I have tried but I am not goong to tell her every day to bathe and have her refuse every day. I know this sounds crazy and it is. I think I have to do it but it is not as though it will change everything because she is refusing.

No one needs to bathe every day. We care very well for my parents who have dementia and they get two showers a week and they don’t smell

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Does anyone happen to know off hand how much scrutiny the guardian gets? I won’t be able to force my mother to bathe, wear clothes, trim her fingernails, consent to medical care. All I have is the ability to document that I have tried but I am not goong to tell her every day to bathe and have her refuse every day. I know this sounds crazy and it is. I think I have to do it but it is not as though it will change everything because she is refusing.

No one can force your mom to do that. They are required to provide financial reports yearly to the court but they can basically spend the money how they want and not for things she needs. A guardian is not a caretaker. Two different things.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Thanks but no scam here. This is a county nursing home and I need their help honestly. I am going to pursue guardian but I cannot make my mother conply with basic medical care

You get guardianship, they are the caretakers however, no one can force her to comply. You can schedule the appointments, etc. This is NORMAL with dementia, sadly.