Explaining differences to other children

[Anonymous]

How do you explain your child's differences to other children? My 4 year old is quite aware at this point that his brother (age 7, autistic, verbal but can be hard to understand) is different and he gets frustrated trying to play with him. My 7 year old desperately wants friends but the communication and social difficulties make it impossible at this point and he has no friends at school and the neighborhood kids run away when they see him. Occasionally I've been in a position when a neighborhood kid or classmate has asked me "why can't he talk" or "why does he say that over and over", etc., and of course our younger child has questions as well. Aside from murmuring platitudes about how everyone is different and special just the way they are, I'm feeling like I need to come up with a few stock answers that are appropriate for situations like this. Any ideas?

[Anonymous]

His brain works a different way than yours and mine, and that makes it hard for his words to be understood when he talks, but he’s working on it. He gets frustrated at never being understood and we try to help him deal with his frustration in a way that doesn’t hurt anyone.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:His brain works a different way than yours and mine, and that makes it hard for his words to be understood when he talks, but he’s working on it. He gets frustrated at never being understood and we try to help him deal with his frustration in a way that doesn’t hurt anyone.

Thanks. Just to be clear, he isn't violent or aggressive.

[Anonymous]

NP. My kids are older, 12 and 11, and they are starting to get more frustrated and upset that one is treated much differently than the other. Why does X get to do A when I am not allowed? Why do I get in trouble when I do B but when X does it he doesn't get in trouble? Why do I have to do C (and D and E and F) while X just doesn't do any of it or only does G?

I've explained a couple times in a couple ways but Y is getting more upset about X as he gets older, rather than more understanding. There's also a lot of anger because X can be aggressive although less so now. I've tried to prevent it and X does get in trouble whenever I've heard about it but Y is angry about it (understandably so) and I can't really explain this one away.

[Anonymous]

Explaining physical differences seems so much easier. Mental and developmental health and disorders are a completely different piece of business.

[Anonymous]

“ Larlo has autism, it’s something that affects the way he handled things with friends, things that you just know to do or not to, he just doesn’t because his brain is a bit different. This is what I told my kid at 5 when she started K and had a kid in her class with autism. They ended up becoming really good friends. You can also give concrete examples of differences and how your younger kid or neighbor kid might handle something versus your kid with autism.

[Anonymous]

I would just say "he's doing the best he can" to the why can't he talk comment and leave it at that. You don't owe anyone an explanation.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I would just say "he's doing the best he can" to the why can't he talk comment and leave it at that. You don't owe anyone an explanation.

why not be honest? If it’s a kid that is going to be around your kid I think it’s fair to give them an honest answer. No you don’t “ owe then one” but it would help the SN kid more if friends had some empathy and understanding.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:“ Larlo has autism, it’s something that affects the way he handled things with friends, things that you just know to do or not to, he just doesn’t because his brain is a bit different. This is what I told my kid at 5 when she started K and had a kid in her class with autism. They ended up becoming really good friends. You can also give concrete examples of differences and how your younger kid or neighbor kid might handle something versus your kid with autism.

same PP. there are books about autism you can read to the younger sibling.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:“ Larlo has autism, it’s something that affects the way he handled things with friends, things that you just know to do or not to, he just doesn’t because his brain is a bit different. This is what I told my kid at 5 when she started K and had a kid in her class with autism. They ended up becoming really good friends. You can also give concrete examples of differences and how your younger kid or neighbor kid might handle something versus your kid with autism.

same PP. there are books about autism you can read to the younger sibling.

What books have you liked?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:“ Larlo has autism, it’s something that affects the way he handled things with friends, things that you just know to do or not to, he just doesn’t because his brain is a bit different. This is what I told my kid at 5 when she started K and had a kid in her class with autism. They ended up becoming really good friends. You can also give concrete examples of differences and how your younger kid or neighbor kid might handle something versus your kid with autism.

same PP. there are books about autism you can read to the younger sibling.

What books have you liked?

All My Stripes: A Story for Children With Autism https://a.co/d/dSqAh1z
My Big Brother Ben: An Autism Spectrum Super Story https://a.co/d/h28al7l

[Anonymous]

Also during autism month the moco libraries have a lot of books out.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:NP. My kids are older, 12 and 11, and they are starting to get more frustrated and upset that one is treated much differently than the other. Why does X get to do A when I am not allowed? Why do I get in trouble when I do B but when X does it he doesn't get in trouble? Why do I have to do C (and D and E and F) while X just doesn't do any of it or only does G?

I've explained a couple times in a couple ways but Y is getting more upset about X as he gets older, rather than more understanding. There's also a lot of anger because X can be aggressive although less so now. I've tried to prevent it and X does get in trouble whenever I've heard about it but Y is angry about it (understandably so) and I can't really explain this one away.

Wrong thread

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I would just say "he's doing the best he can" to the why can't he talk comment and leave it at that. You don't owe anyone an explanation.

why not be honest? If it’s a kid that is going to be around your kid I think it’s fair to give them an honest answer. No you don’t “ owe then one” but it would help the SN kid more if friends had some empathy and understanding.

Because your child's needs and diagnosis don't need to be shared with everyone especially without his consent.

[Anonymous]

This book might not be what you’re looking for, but:
https://www.amazon.com/Why-Johnny-Doesnt-Flap-NT/dp/1849057214