Can't figure out how to stop hitting

[Anonymous]

I have a 22 month old who is definitely into the hitting phase, but mostly just with me (occasionally his dad). He's an only right now, with a sibling on the way. Hitting occurs maybe 50% of the time because he is frustrated, 50% of the time to clearly get a reaction out of the parent. this has been a good few weeks, and he does not do it to anybody else (grandparents, kids/teachers at daycare, etc). strategies we've tried that don't seem to do anything: grabbing his hand before he hits and firmly saying no, saying ouch very loudly (stopped this pretty quickly as he clearly wanted a reaction), and now we are just moving away from him and ignoring him for 5 minutes after he hits after saying "we do not hit." I feel like we're doing everything I read about - being firm, being clear, not being emotional, etc - but nothing seems to work. I'm happy for now that it's just mostly me, but obviously want the behavior to go away and certainly don't want it to escalate to him hitting other kids at daycare. any advice?

[Anonymous]

Can you be pre-emptive? Re direct as you see him start to escalate in frustration?
Is there a pattern - after dinner when he's starting to get tired, for example?

[Anonymous]

Time. He will stop as he matures.

You can try giving him words - “I am mad!” Etc. But it mostly just stops with time.

[Anonymous]

Sounds like you're doing everything right. How long has this been going on? If it's less than a few months, I wouldn't worry. My 3yo went through a similar phase around 2 (when her new sibling was 2 months old), although for her it was hitting the sibling. I didn't do as well as you; I totally freaked out the first couple times (I somewhat blame newborn sleep deprivation but also still feel guilty about it), but after I sorted myself out and worked on calmly holding hands away and moving her away from the baby, she stopped after about a month, I think? It was rough during that phase though, so you definitely have my sympathies.

[Anonymous]

No pattern that we see. I do my best to be pre-emptive, but a lot of it just randomly happens when he’s trying to get a reaction out of me. I’d say it’s been happening for less than a month or so. Thanks for the replies, and PP - I’m definitely much calmer when he hits me than I would be if he was hitting a baby sibling! I’m sure you did great.

[Anonymous]

It may not always be feasible, but since he wants attention, even negative attention, can you try leaving the room when this happens? If he is in a safe at place, stand up and leave without saying a word. Don’t make eye contact, don’t admonish, just leave.

[Anonymous]

OP one of the things I’m finding hardest about my kid a few months older is the concept of “no” is just not sinking in. It feels like she should get it but she just doesn’t. Attention is attention. Ignoring and redirecting/preventing are kind all I have. At 27 months she is JUST starting to connect the dots a little about activities ending because of behavior (like huge splashing in the tub or standing on chairs). So time may be the main thing you need.

[Anonymous]

Teach him sign language for some concepts he can't say yet. My dd's biggest frustration at that age was that she couldn't communicate all the thoughts in her brain. Sign language was a godsend for us.

[Anonymous]

123 magic. Google jt

[Anonymous]

I would get up angrily saying "I DO NOT PLAY WITH HITTERS" and get up and do something else. If my other kid was there, I would take him away too starting a new and fun activity on the other side of the room.

[Anonymous]

When our oldest hadn’t stopped hitting by 23 months our pediatrician was concerned about long term anger issues and referred us to play based family therapy.

We started that twice a week for about a year and half. At 4 she still has moments of what we call “flash anger” where she gets very mad very fast. We are working on her anger holistically at this point. We have a second child now as well who also went through the hitting phase but seems to respond to being told to stop.

[Anonymous]

It sounds like you are doing fine and it will just take a while for him to get through this phase. It's normal for this age.

However, my DS took a very, very long time to overcome hitting and in retrospect it was an early indicator of his impulse control difficulties, later diagnosed with ADHD.

[Anonymous]

Time out