Developing good relations

[Anonymous]

How to build good relationship with son's soon to be fiancee (he is planning to propose on her birthday)? They live in another state, in their early 20's and attending grad schools while working part time, live in another state for school.

[Anonymous]

Just play to your strengths! I got really sick right after getting married and my MIL was in the hospital every day, advocating for me and helping me brush my teeth and all that.

I think that if my kids get married, I'll be more the type to just chat with them and buy them gifts every once in a while.

And congrats!

[Anonymous]

Some of the things my MIL did: sent a congrats on your engagement card, sent me a garter that every woman in her family had worn at their wedding (no, we didn't do the pull the garter off with the teeth thing), sent me a jewelry dish and jewelry cleaner for my ring, reminded me to insure it, offered help with planning the wedding but also said if I wanted to make all the decisions she'd be happy to just tag along because she loves this stuff, asked if there was something specific I wanted her to wear (I told her to just be comfortable), and in general, reached out a couple of times a month to say hi and ask how I was doing.

She still reaches out to say hi regularly - maybe a bit more now that we have kids.

[Anonymous]

To me, being warm and not being judgmental are basic foundational principles.

[Anonymous]

Be warm, ask about her interests (but not too much to not seem nosey), send her notes or cards for holidays or special occasions.

[Anonymous]

Treat her as an equal

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Treat her as an equal

+1. She deserves respect and autonomy.