Exhausted to keep my kid engaged
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Anonymous
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My first grader boy is gifted and he needs to be engaged all the time or else he watches screentime. I already sign him up at all sorts of camps ( summer, spring, winter, school day off), beforecare/aftercare (5 days a week) or therapies (2x a week, speech & ot), and other activities (5x a week and they are swim/gym/art/foreign language). We are not home till 7pm on weekdays, and we are out of house between 10am to 4pm on Sat, and a 0 to 3 hours on Sun. At other time, I am exhausted to entertain him or I have to let screen time to entertain him. At home, he wants me to play all sorts of games that uses brain, such as board games, word games, math games, logic/trivia games, chess, sudoku etc. DH was the one buying him or getting him onto those games, but it has been me 80% playing with him. I know they are educational and beneficial to kids, but I really dislike them.
When I am done or exhausted, I sort of end up yelling at him to play by himself on toys ( which he does not care much), go to his bedroom to nap ( he does not nap), reading on his own ( he is not into reading, and we have hundreds of books at home), or just letting him to watch screentime. Does gifted child need to be engaged all the time? Do they need down time? Except screentime or video games, how do I make him keep himself engaged or just learn how to get bored? He is not home all the time, and I feel terrible and guilty sometimes but I really don’t like to keep him company on those great interests. |
Anonymous
| You just described my third grader to a tee but what saved me is he LOVES reading. I would try to get him engaged with comic or graphic books and go from there. Reading (other than screen time) is the only solitary activity he will engage in. I have had success with new lego sets. He does not play with toys and never has had an interest in them. |
Anonymous
| Everyone’s kid on dcum is gifted. I just tell my kids no screens. They figure it out from there. |
Anonymous
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If he's so gifted he can figure out how to entertain himself without screens. What does he do when you aren't entertaining him? Throw tantrums? Tell him he can't bother you for one hour and see what happens.
I think parents that constantly entertain their kids are setting up future humans who can't be by themselves and will bug their future spouse to no end. Let him learn now. |
Anonymous
| Chores and play dates. |
Anonymous
| All kids need downtime and time to be bored so they figure out ways to entertain themselves. |
Anonymous
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Or you get him apps that let him do the puzzles and games by himself. There are a ton of Euro Games available as apps. Splendor, Ra, Ticket to Ride, Roll for the Galaxy, Settlers of Catan, Lanterns, Sushi Go, 7 Wonders are on my iPad and get played regularly. My kid enjoys playing them and will set up the AI to play against.
Chess and Sudoko have a ton of apps that you can get, for free, for your kid to play on. Screen time doesn’t have to be youtube and the like, there are tons of options. DS is also known to pull out anyone of our board games and playing solo or making up his own rules for the game. |
Anonymous
| Kids need to learn to entertain themselves. When my kid was that age, we did a screen-free summer. It was a painful few weeks of adjustment before he got used to entertaining himself. I would write a rotating list of ideas for activities on the whiteboard part of his art easel. I would play some everyday, but otherwise refer him to the list when he was bored. |
Anonymous
+1 |
Anonymous
| OP, yes, he needs to figure it out. That's a hard precedent to maintain. |
Anonymous
+100. I was gifted as a child. Part of giftedness means understanding when your parents are exhausted and can’t play with you, so you need to do something on your own. Really gifted kids will ask you how they can help *you.* Give your kid an opportunity to exercise his giftedness by leaving him alone so he can figure this out. |
Anonymous
| The fact that he is gifted has nothing to do with what you described. Most gifted kids are creative and capable enough to entertain themselves. I am a teacher that has dealt with gifted children. Trust me, no one is entertaining them at school. You set up the foundation to be his playmate and that is on you. |
Anonymous
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OP - Agree that your goal is laudable, but your DS needs to learn to interact with other kids just playing or handing out, too. Even more important he needs to learn that Mom is not his "Best Buddie" all the time! Letting him figure out what to do is a good idea as well as having some home tasks to be doing. You also need to figure out with DH what time he will spend with DS on the weekends to be sure you get a break, too. DH might need some guidance on things he can do with DS or simple things they might do outside. But you will be helping yourself and the two of them by advocating that you need a couple of hours on the weekend for yourself and then not fretting about what happens. Also, it is important that you and DH engage a sitter for your son and get out together, too. There is nothing wrong with paying someone to entertain him at times for a break for both of you. You could also "guide' your son in what he can use his screen time for such as an educational related movie at times, perhaps encouraging dad to get your DS interested in a sport that he might work on with him on skills or drive him to practice/games on the weekend as par tof their time together and also watch a game on TV. At age 8 there are so many possibilities in youth sports such as basketball, soccer, baseball, lacrosse for team sports. Or taking lessons and exploring more individual sports such as biking, swimming, tennis, skating etc. This is the perfect time to help dad and son make a connection through sports on many different levels. |
Anonymous
| Your DS doesn't demand engagement because he's gifted. He demands it because he cannot entertain himself. He also likely needs more exercise. We did what we called 'green time to get screen time'. We even allowed our kids to do Just Dance and Wii Fit to earn video game time. |
Anonymous
| Have never heard anyone actually use phrase ‘gifted’ in real life - typically code for ‘my child is on the spectrum and I am in denial’ |