What's better for a high-functioning adult child on the spectrum? Living in a small or big city?
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Anonymous
| I'm trying to decide if I should change our living situation. I won't go into detail but will limit myself to the question: In general, would you say a high-functioning young adult child on the autism spectrum living with a parent would do better in a small town or a big city? I think a big city, where we live now, is better because of job and educational opportunities, treatment resources, transportation options, etc. Having grown up in a small town I could see that being lower-stress and slower-paced in a few ways ways, but limiting and more stressful in terms of lack of opportunities and resources. Thank you for your opinion. |
Anonymous
| Can your child drive? I don’t think mine will do they’ll need public transportation. |
Anonymous
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Np - I think about this ALL the time. We live in a suburb of a mid-sized city. Ds does not like the city - he says he’s a suburbs person. He has a license but will not drive by himself bc he is worried about other drivers. He thinks they are too reckless. I think about moving to a golf cart community eventually bc I think he could handle that. A lot will depend on what he ends up doing for a job. Dh and I like where we live and don’t want to move but we need to have him in a place where he is settled. His sister would not want to live in the South in a golf cart community bc she hates hot weather (I’m thinking down the road after dh and I are both gone).
For now we are staying where we are bc ds is comfortable and he will likely go to college next year. I figure we can decide what to do after he graduates so we have about 5 years or so. |
Anonymous
| You’re not alone. We don’t even have the official diagnosis yet (waiting on report) that will seemingly confirm ASD-1. I’ve also weighed the reality of access to specialists, etc. DH and I have not made an official decision but are coming to terms with moving to a different area all together that will be less expensive to have an adult child live at home. I haven’t even looked into disability services, but DMV is a very high pressure area. It has public transportation, but it seems like a less intense area will be easier. If MCPS is any indication of not granting IEPs, I’d rather be in a county where clinicians accept insurance and COLA is less. However, this might be part parental in that it’s hard watching neighbors wise kids graduate high school and go to college. Seems easier starting over, and putting the trauma of a system that kept telling us out kid was fine since K and who can’t even attend high school. |
Anonymous
| My sister lives in a small town about an hour away from the big city with an autistic child who is in HS. I think it was the dumbest decision she made. She has to drive somewhere a few times a week for services that are at least 45 minutes away. Even simple things like the dentist and orthodontist are a 45 minute drive. I think my nephew would have been better served in a closer in suburb |
Anonymous
| Our young adult kid prefers the close 'burbs to a larger city. Amenities within easy access. Public transportation and delivery services readily available. Some green space to walk around in. |
Anonymous
But there is also traffic in the DMV that can make a 20 minute ride a 40 minute ride. And living in an area where everything is easily accessible usually comes with higher priced houses as well as more expensive goods and services. OP- No place is perfect. I would make a pros and cons list. |
Anonymous
| Will your adult child need any ongoing treatment or therapy? |
Anonymous
| It's so individual. Any co-diagnoses? Will your child be driving? Will your child need ongoing treatment? How does your child do with loud, noisy places? What kind of job opportunities will your child be seeking? |
Anonymous
| Cost of living around DC is just brutal. Also tons of strong college graduates in the job market. Move to flyover country and suddenly housing costs fall and a college degree is more unusual and leads to better jobs. Flyover can also have more tight social networks, which can help disabled kids. Sure, you can get services and good medical care here, but social networks can be transitory. |
Anonymous
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I think a city is nice for the greater opportunity to find like-minded individuals and sometimes special interests are easier to access in the city. And some cities offer great green space. But it really is different for everyone.
Maybe you could find an adult autistic community online and ask them what they like? |
Anonymous
This is really important. If they have specialized support needs, a larger metropolitan area is vital. Or a close-in suburb, as a PP suggested. Smaller towns will have limited resources and greater demand for what little does exist. |
Anonymous
| I think smaller city near bigger university that has health care system. |
Anonymous
I think about this too and the above situation is what I think is ideal. My kid is still young but I take note of adult services that are available, rec opportunities, etc and I've come to think that Moco is probably a good place given that we leave him with a trust. |
Anonymous
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I think about this a lot because I would personally like to move out of the city, but we wouldn't have the supports we have here. People outside urban centers don't really understand HFA much, either. I appreciate that I have people and services here where they don't judge my kid as being "bad" because he misbehaves and is sometimes disrespectful.
I think a lot depends on the specific circumstances and needs of you and your kid. |