Phone for 6th grade?

[Anonymous]

We have historically been reluctant to introduce our kid to screens/technology, believing that less screen time/tech is better while a kid's brain is still developing. Due to family health issues during the pandemic, our very strict approach to limiting screen time became severely eroded. For the past year or so we have been trying to claw back some on screen/tech time and reset some reasonable limits.

However, our kid believes that almost every other 6th grader in the world has a phone. He feels like he is an outlier at school because we want to wait until 8th grade to introduce a phone. To be clear, we aren't worried that he'll lose or damage it (he's responsible) or that we can't enforce use limits or teach him online safety (he already has an ipad and plays video game online with friends and we set limits on that). It's more that we don't want to introduce this addictive device that controls so many peoples' entire lives. We want him to engage with the actual world and enjoy his time in his non-online life. He spends a lot of time playing sports, so he does have outside activities, but we were planning to delay the phone until 8th grade because we think phones generally do more harm than good to kids.

So my question to the DCUM private school world is: do most kids at area independent schools have a phone in sixth grade? Is "wait until 8 still a thing?" Does this vary depending on the school or area (e.g. "big three" v. catholic schools or MoCo v. VA v. NWDC)? Is it actually stigmatizing for a kid not to have a phone (this seems ridiculous to us, but I guess it's possible?)? If your kid got a phone in 6th (or younger) any regrets?

[Anonymous]

Almost everyone has one. Necessary for logistics. Also, kids are out of the loop if they are not in their cohorts’ group chat. They ask each other things about assignments etc. Bite the bullet and give the kid a phone.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Almost everyone has one. Necessary for logistics. Also, kids are out of the loop if they are not in their cohorts’ group chat. They ask each other things about assignments etc. Bite the bullet and give the kid a phone.

He's on the group chat on his ipad (he also plays online video games with friends on the ipad). We are lucky that we haven't needed it for logistics (yet) because both parents have very flexible work schedules and we are able to pick him up and drop him off according to plan and don't need to change plans on the fly (which, I take it, is the main reason that it is necessary for logistics?).

[Anonymous]

it's Pandora's box. Don't do it- wait as long as you can.

Signed, speaking from experience

[Anonymous]

My son is in 7th grade and in Catholic school. No one in his group of friends have one. We don't expect to get him one until 9th grade at the earliest. We'll have a spare phone for him to use when he starts going to his activities (e.g., if he needs to take public transport) by himself. But for the most part, he and his buddies hang out at each other's houses or are never far from some ones house (or a phone or adult). We haven't had issues with logistics or school work at all.

[Anonymous]

I have a 5th grader at a local Christian. It seems to be 50/50. We have told DD if she gets all As this year she can have s phone next summer for her birthday. Do will have it to start MS although it’s a K-8. She does have kids messenger on an old android phone ( WiFi only) so Dan message with friends if an actual phone doesn’t happen.

[Anonymous]

Perhaps get them a non smart phone, that they would be less likely to use except when needed.

[Anonymous]

In private school with 6th and 8th grader. Some of the 6th graders have it - definitely not everyone or anywhere close. I’d guess under half. Pretty much everyone in 8th has it except our DC - who will get one soon. We hate the everyone-on-their phone culture for kids. They can text on an iPad. Hold off!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Perhaps get them a non smart phone, that they would be less likely to use except when needed.

Lots of people we know give their MSers dumb/flip phones. They can call and text, but it's not an addictive time suck.

[Anonymous]

I have seventh grader. Last year we got her a smart watch, for logistics. She doesn't like it, but I can reach her in an emergency. This year, I finally relented, but we can't reach consensus on which model of phone, so still haven't actually purchased it.

Yes, logistics will be easier, and she'll be able to keep in touch with her friends better, but I'm not looking forward to all the trade-offs. Generally, if you can hold off, keep at it. It helps if his closest friends also don't have a phone.

[Anonymous]

My 6th grader doesn’t have a phone and doesn’t even have an iPad (gasp). You aren’t the only one to wait.

My give-in is a little earlier though: siblings got one in 7th (13).

My kid really thinks they are the only human to not have one though

[Anonymous]

Does your kid travel independently? Would they need to contact you when at a friend's house? Do they figure out their own logistics for in-person hangouts?

Since no one seems to have a landline anymore, I feel more comfortable w/DS having a mobile phone when playing at or staying over at someone else's home. I can easily find him and he can easily get ahold of me if needed. Or, if practice ends early he can give me a call for early pickup vs wait out in the cold. Etc.

[Anonymous]

Pinwheel is a great early phone,

[Anonymous]

My big 3 dd got her first phone at halfway through 7th grade. It was fine.

[Anonymous]

Most, but not all. My 7th grader does not have one. Many 9th graders still dont. And I know families that held off until 10th-11th grade.

But most kids do have them.