DS doesn’t tell teachers when he needs the bathroom
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Anonymous
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Wondering if anyone can help with this. My almost 4 yr old is having trouble verbalizing and telling his teachers when he needs to use the bathroom. At home and with my parents (the other adults he sees most often), he either tells us or takes himself to the bathroom. But at school, he won’t say anything/ both when he needs to go and when he’s wet. any ideas to help?
Thanks! |
Anonymous
| Does he talk with his teachers in general, just not about the potty? |
Anonymous
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Yes. No other issues brought up to us re: participation or discussing things. We have been to class several times when they have circle time or other activities, and he answers their questions and does the little activities etc.
I have noticed that he seems SO MUCH more shy with the teachers than at home or with my parents. |
Anonymous
Sounds like he might have some level of social anxiety that impacts his ability to communicate with his bathroom needs with his teachers, and might be impacting his behavior in general. It's great that he is participating in the overall activities. Does he communicate verbally with his peers? |
Anonymous
| Sign language works great for this. Agree with the teacher that he (and the rest of the class!) can use the sign for the letter r (fingers crossed) for restroom or letter T (thumb tucked between first two fingers in a fist) for toilet |
Anonymous
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You need to role play at home. I had a kid who would just go up to a teacher on the playground and stare at her and then poop his pants.
We coached him over and over to tell an adult. So he would tell his teacher “I want to go inside” or “when do we go inside?”. The teacher would then say “in a few minutes” and ask him to wait for the scheduled time. We had to work with him to say loudly and clearly, “I need to poop” or “I need a potty”. |
Anonymous
Yes, he communicates, plays etc. |
Anonymous
Will try this! Thank you for the idea! |
Anonymous
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We struggled with this too at that age.
The thing that helped most was talking to the teachers and letting them know a couple good (and convenient for them) times a day that it would be helpful for them to prompt a bathroom visit. They were already onto this as well since the accidents always seemed to happen after lunch. They started suggesting a bathroom visit right after lunch but before nap (I mean they always mentioned it to the class but they started directly asking DD to go as well), and that seemed to open up some communication about the bathroom between them. It also headed off accidents during this period when she would not ask them directly. Also, yes, role playing helped. It takes time though, for some kids. It was probably several months before DD felt comfortable actually doing any of the stuff we'd role played at home. Anything you can do to increase independence helps too. It might seem like he's independent if he goes on his own at home, but that's in a place where he's super familiar, and always has the option of calling out for help. Try to make sure he has lots of opportunities to use the bathroom in other places (friend's houses, grocery stores, etc.) and diminish the sense of anxiety he might feel about using those bathrooms. Give him more and more independence during these visits so he starts to get used to being someone on his one in these places. All of this will help him acclimate. By kindergarten, my kid was totally comfortable letting teachers know when she had to go. Later than some kids, but still "on time" and before it would have been a huge problem (preschool teachers tend to be a lot more accustomed to accidents or needing to help kids a bit more with remembering to go). Good luck! It passes. I never worry about this stuff anymore but I remember all those days of constantly sending in extra clothes and worrying that my kid wouldn't make it through the day without an accident. It passes. |
Anonymous
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Until he's comfortable talking to his teachers they should put him on regular bathroom schedule so that there are no more accidents.
I agree with the recommendations to role play and use sign language as well. |
Anonymous
| They need to either put him on a schedule, or he needs to use a sign (in my child's ES they cross their fingers and hold up their hands). |
Anonymous
| He’s also still young and learning. It’s a process. He’s not doing it all the time. Hang in there. |
Anonymous
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What helped for my kid -
I asked my kid which of her two teachers she felt most comfortable asking to go to the bathroom. I pulled the teacher aside at drop off one morning and asked her, with my child there listening, Ms. X, if <daughter> needs to go potty can she come stand next to you? The teacher said yes, that’s fine, anytime. It is silly but my daughter needed to hear that exchange to not feel nervous about going up to the teacher. She started with just going up and standing next to teacher as her signal and quickly got to a point where she was comfortable asking out loud. I felt really proud, actually! |
Anonymous
| At 4yo they should be asking a few times a day if any kid needs the potty. |
Anonymous
| Would the teachers be willing to put him on a potty schedule? |