My 75+ stepDad widower is calling and anxious about health

[Anonymous]

I work full time with teens and am in healthcare so already burnt out. Helped Dad through cancer/death, then decades later Mom, and now I want to be helpful but live 50+ minutes away and my halfsiblings (his and my Moms kids) live really far away or are not caregivers exactly (but great companions and friends to my stepDad). My other siblings help but travel work etc. advice? Are there elder community centers for checking in/hobbies. I don’t want to get burned out but can tell he is having health anxiety and maybe loneliness.
Tips? Advice?

[Anonymous]

https://www.carecheckers.com/

[Anonymous]

JCA has programs and might be able to offer some guidance. Where does your step-dad live? Most of the areas where I’ve lived have had either senior centers, community centers, or both.



https://accessjca.org/

[Anonymous]

Yes, many places have senior centers and/or community centers with senior activities. There are people you can hire such as geriatric social workers to check on his and assess need.

In our experience, they don't access anything if you make life too easy and meet their needs at your own expense. Also, you have to be be clear and repetitive with boundaries. If you don't plan to pick up the phone except on weekends, you must be consistent, because if you break once it will be reinforced for the next oh 6 months. If it's an emergency, they will leave a message.

I spent too long rescuing. The anxiety needs treatment and they won't treat it until desperate. They figure you can make them feel better and it's "no trouble."

I would call his doctors to express concern about anxiety level. They cannot call you back, but they can assess.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I work full time with teens and am in healthcare so already burnt out. Helped Dad through cancer/death, then decades later Mom, and now I want to be helpful but live 50+ minutes away and my halfsiblings (his and my Moms kids) live really far away or are not caregivers exactly (but great companions and friends to my stepDad). My other siblings help but travel work etc. advice? Are there elder community centers for checking in/hobbies. I don’t want to get burned out but can tell he is having health anxiety and maybe loneliness.
Tips? Advice?

You can be helpful by not enabling. Stop answering the phone when it is not convenient. if there is a time/day you are willing to talk, let him know. Give him a list of senior activities in the area.When he gets wound up ion anxiety validate briefly and then suggest he see a professional. Don't get sucked in. You can be supportive and have boundaries. If yo give in to everything he will never build a life for himself in this new stage.