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How to tell 2-yr-TTC friend that I'm pregnant with #2?
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Anonymous
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One of my good childhood friends has been TTCing for about 2 years now. I had DC#1 before she started TTCing, and she knew that as of this winter, we were trying again. Now I'm 12 weeks with #2.
I usually talk with her over e-mail, not phone, and we're FB friends. I think it would be better to tell her first before announcing it over FB (right)? So, when I e-mail her, should I say something about how I know I'm lucky or how I'm hoping that she'll have the same news to share with me soon? Or should I tell her I had a m/c a few months ago, so she knows I've had struggles too? (As far as I know, she's never had a m/c; maybe this would sound bad to her, like she would love to risk a m/c if she could only get pregnant.) Thanks. I want to be sensitive to her but don't want to end up being insensitive by trying too hard or saying the wrong thing. |
Anonymous
| let her know that you're having a baby, that b/c she's such a good friend you wanted to share the news with her. a there's no need to mention your m/c. she'll be happy for you and, yes, she may be a little sad, but she won't be mad at you. it really pissed me off when a close friend of mine didn't tell me b/c she didn't know how i'd react, as if it would throw me off the edge or i wouldn't be happy for her. congratulations!!! |
Anonymous
| It's nice that you're being so thoughtful, but as one who's been ttc for a while, I would be really hurt/extremely irritated if any of my friends were to get pregnant and feel reluctant to tell me their good news just because of my ttc struggles. If you were to gloat, that would be a different story - just be honest and real and she will surely be happy for you! |
Anonymous
| Thanks, you're both very helpful -- it felt a little weird to acknowledge her struggles in some way or to tell her about my m/c, but I wasn't sure the best way to handle it. I'll do just what you said. thanks again. |
Anonymous
| I told two TTC friends in a similar way, over email before I announced it more broadly. I just said that I had good news, that they had been very much in my thoughts these past months, that I hoped that they would have the same good fortune in their lives soon, and that I wanted to let them know in person before a general FB broadcast. They were both nice and kind about it. |
Anonymous
| I have a friend who was in your same situation in the fall and I was really happy when she called to tell me she was pregnant. Even though I was TTC at that point, I was glad to hear her news, and didn't begrudge her pregnancy at all. In fact, she mentioned that she hoped we'd be pregnant together, and a few months later, we were. |
Anonymous
| Oh, I really agree with the last poster (I'm one of the pp's who's been ttc for a while). One of my good friends got pregnant recently after trying for 2 years. Of course I was really happy for her, but I also really appreciated her kindness when she said (and still says) that she's sure I'll be pregnant soon, and to hang in there, etc. Of course neither of us knows what the future holds, but i really appreciate her consideration in that regard. |
Anonymous
| Is it just me or other people think it's weird to announce your pregnancy through FB? |
Anonymous
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I am the PP who mentioned FB, and I only 'announced' on FB after everyone I communicate with in person already knew (family, extended family, neighbors, friends, work colleagues). Even online, I sent individual messages to my 'actual' friends.
The announcement was mainly so that (1) I didn't have to worry that people I only communicate with there (mainly grad school colleagues with whom I mostly talk shop) wouldn't be sending me worried notes every time I mentioned going to the doctor or being tired or whatever and (2) the people who already knew would know that it wasn't a secret anymore. |
Anonymous
It's not just you, but people do it all the time. I didn't announce anything on FB until I had a healthy baby. But I'm also pretty private and a tad superstitious. |
Anonymous
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Hope this doesn't hijack, but have another somewhat related question re: FB and infertility. I've never suffered from infertility (I consider myself very blessed and lucky) and genuinely try to be supportive of those who do suffer. One FB friend (used to be pretty close, but not as much anymore due to just changing lifestyles) posts things on FB about how much she hates pregnant women. I try to be supportive, but isn't that a bit much? I mean, to post on FB knowing that many of your friends are pregnant, that you hate all pregnant women.
I get that she is frustrated and angry at not being able to get pregnant (TTC for probably around 4 years), but still. All I want to do is avoid her when I read things like that... |
Anonymous
I am an infertile, and I think it is a bit much. But I also think she is in a very, very dark place emotionally. I have only been at this for 2.5 years, and I know it's taken a toll. I can't imagine four years of this struggle. If you aren't interacting with her on a regular basis, just let this pass. |
Anonymous
I agree, she's in a dark place right now and it can happen. While that doesn't give her license to say whatever she wants, I can understand where she is coming from. Perhaps, send her a message saying judging by her status updates, it seems that she needs someone to talk to and that you're there. I also struggled with infertility for 4 long years and multiple failed treatments until I recently got pregnant. I always appreciated when friends would take the time to comfort me or just to listen to my rants. |