I can't do my g-damned job with my father calling every eight seconds

[Anonymous]

My father is in hospice, blind, and mostly deaf.

He calls me for EVERYTHING all damned day long. "Order this from the grocery store." "Get the laundry repairman." Etc.Etc.

He has a full time 24-hour nursing assistant who is supposed to be helping him out. She costs me 30K a month. But every five minutes it's another damned phone call, another text.

I'm going nuts. I'm already taking off most of my FMLA and vacation leave to deal with him. But I am going to be SO GLAD WHEN THIS IS OVER.

We never got along and he was a neglectful single father. I so resent having to give up half my job, and most of my time with my own family, to deal with all this petty bullshit.

I am so angry.

[Anonymous]

DO NOT ANSWER THE PHONE. If there is a true emergency the nurse will call you.

[Anonymous]

I'm so sorry that you are going through this. You are a wonderful person for trying to help.

You already know that whatever he's calling about can't be an emergency, because he has a nursing assistant. Can you let his calls go to voicemail/set up a special ringtone so you don't pick up his calls? You could set up a certain time of day when you'll deal with all of them at once.

[Anonymous]

Don't answer all of his calls.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:DO NOT ANSWER THE PHONE. If there is a true emergency the nurse will call you.

Exactly this.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:DO NOT ANSWER THE PHONE. If there is a true emergency the nurse will call you.

I would also have a conversation with the nursing assistant about not being able to answer calls between Xam and Ypm going forward. If they can head him off from placing the call, great. If not, they can explain it when you don't pick up.

[Anonymous]

Can his assistant help him start a shared note on his phone, with you. That way he can write down all the things he needs help with and you can just do one phone call to go over the list.

$30k a month is a lot.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Can his assistant help him start a shared note on his phone, with you. That way he can write down all the things he needs help with and you can just do one phone call to go over the list.

$30k a month is a lot.

Op said the dad is blind, so that probably won’t work.

[Anonymous]

This was me. I had to block his number at times because he would call all day and night. He would break thru my do not disturb at 5am to tell me something minor.

Sadly.luckily his dementia progressed quickly and he stopped be able to figure out his phone. I can only imagine how scared he was. It is so hard to see them go through this. And it is so frustrating. I spent hours on the phone with him trying to solve problems that only existed in his delusional mind. It is a horrible way to go.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Can his assistant help him start a shared note on his phone, with you. That way he can write down all the things he needs help with and you can just do one phone call to go over the list.

$30k a month is a lot.

Op said the dad is blind, so that probably won’t work.

Voice notes, baby!

[Anonymous]

How can a blind man text you?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:DO NOT ANSWER THE PHONE. If there is a true emergency the nurse will call you.

I would also have a conversation with the nursing assistant about not being able to answer calls between Xam and Ypm going forward. If they can head him off from placing the call, great. If not, they can explain it when you don't pick up.

Yes, agree, tell him he needs to route everything through the nursing assistant and she will call you if needed, and let the nursing assistant know. I'm sure a small percentage of the time he actually needs something that you specifically have to address. But most of the time he's probably reaching out because he's bored, lonely, confused and anxious and you are his "person" he is comfortable with and feels he can call all day. It's understandable but you have to be able to focus enough to do your job.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:How can a blind man text you?

He talks and the phone types. It's a thing.

[Anonymous]

He's dying and knows he's dying. Hearing your voice is probably the best thing in his life right now. I'd. try to arrange a few minutes a day to talk to him and make sure he knows that it can't be during your work day

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:DO NOT ANSWER THE PHONE. If there is a true emergency the nurse will call you.

I would also have a conversation with the nursing assistant about not being able to answer calls between Xam and Ypm going forward. If they can head him off from placing the call, great. If not, they can explain it when you don't pick up.

+1