I have the biter

[Anonymous]

My kid (2.5) has been biting at daycare, almost daily. We talk to her about it, what to do instead, read books about no biting and I think they are addressing it appropriately at daycare. Any other suggestions? I’m pretty bummed about it. I hope it’s just a phase but I feel terrible. She doesn’t bite us but her poor little classmates are the victims. Thanks for any other ideas.

[Anonymous]

Don’t feel too bad, OP, many of us have had a biter! I don’t have advice, but as many as half of kids in preschool/daycare have been bitten. Both my kids were bitten in preschool by their friends, who were lovely kids with lovely parents. They just couldn’t help themselves when they got excited. Listen to the teachers rather than other parents on this. Preschool teachers see a lot of biting and they know it’s a phase.

[Anonymous]

I had one biter and one who was bitten. Honestly it was a lot easier having the kid that was being bitten even though it was a little alarming to see him coming home with tooth marks a few times.

It's a phase, she'll grow out of it very soon. Keep reinforcing that we don't bite and make sure she's being watched closely at daycare.

[Anonymous]

I had a biter. We moved him to a different daycare when he was ready to start preschool, and the biting stopped. Not sure if there was something about the previous environment / interactions with specific other kids that triggered him, or if the change was just disruptive enough to reset his behavior, or if he just grew out of it. But after months of biting daily, it just … stopped. Never bit once at the new school.

[Anonymous]

What is your daycare doing about it? Your child needs to be right next to one of the daycare workers at all times under constant supervision. Your child needs to be their shadow. He needs to shadow them for a week or two. Then he needs to be given limited freedom to evaluate, whether or not the fighting behavior has passed.

[Anonymous]

See if you can find a social story, a book, about going to preschool and what you do there. If you can't find one, write one on the computer. Keep it simple. Read it to your child, and read it again and again. Talk about the page where it talks about what happens at preschool. Talk about what doesn't happen at preschool. Talk about eating food, not friends.

This too shall pass, promise

[Anonymous]

This was my kid, and yes, it is an absolute parenting bummer. I vividly remember the biter phase. 2.5 is old enough for a sticker chart with a reward for no-bite days at the end of the week. Make a big show of earning a sticker. The other big factor that worked was moving my DD up a level so she was among older kids rather than being the oldest in the class. We joked that it was because the older kids wouldn't put up with her crap, but she was seeing better language and "using your words" modeled around her and it seemed to put an end to the behavior.

But really, it requires time. You have to ride it out. It's truly a phase for some toddlers.

[Anonymous]

My niece bit my son several times when they would play. She was 3 and he was 6. One day, we all visited my sister in law (no kids), who had a new puppy. The kids went bonkers for the puppy and the puppy got excited and started to nip them. Cue tears from the kids. My sister in law explained that puppies play by nipping and that her puppy went to puppy class once a week to learn not to nip his friends or they would stop playing with him. She asked the kids to pretend to be puppies and yelp loudly if the puppy nipped them. Apparently, this made quite an impression on my niece and she stopped biting. It could have been a timing coincidence, but my brother was convinced the puppy did the trick.

[Anonymous]

I think maybe you're paying a little too much attention to this at home.

Kids that age have a real drive to be "big" kids.

I would say to your husband in front of your daughter something like: "I heard that Larla bit at day care today. Biting is for babies, not big kids". Be neutral about it. Just facts.

And then just change the subject.

[Anonymous]

Most daycares don't have staff to be constantly watching one child but even if they do (generally something that is mandated for a specific diagnosis) you still won't prevent all biting incidents. There are many ways to deal with this but they need find the right approach for your kid. You could also look into teething type jewelry -chewelry (although I hate this term) if you will.

[Anonymous]

It'll go away as her language develops. Likely by 4 or so. Don't stress.

[Anonymous]

I had the biter too and it does go away. But I can empathize--it's an awful feeling when it keeps happening and most of the other parents were very understanding (I never made an effort to keep my sons' identity hidden and would email the parents directly to apologize).

This may be contrary to popular opinion on DCUM but once it had happened about 5-6 times, I had to get in his face, look him in the eye and very sternly tell him no more biting. It stopped after that.

[Anonymous]

Also dealing with the biter. His biting tends to come when he is overly stimulated and being very silly or when he is hungry. Our daycare knows to keep an extra watch on him when they are in situations where the silliness can be more likely, for example when they are singing and dancing/jumping around. They've also been good about keeping snacks handy for him and to make sure he is getting food frequently enough.

Another piece of advice from his teachers that's been helpful has been to be careful about the order of words that we use. Instead of saying, "don't bite" we will say "let's use our mouth to smile" or "let's use our mouth to say what we want." They emphasized that young ones hang on to the last words they hear, so in saying "don't bite," they actually might be prompted to bite. I realize this might be out of your control because you're not seeing the biting at home, but in the event you do witness it when your daughter is with other children, this kind of language might help.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Also dealing with the biter. His biting tends to come when he is overly stimulated and being very silly or when he is hungry. Our daycare knows to keep an extra watch on him when they are in situations where the silliness can be more likely, for example when they are singing and dancing/jumping around. They've also been good about keeping snacks handy for him and to make sure he is getting food frequently enough.

Another piece of advice from his teachers that's been helpful has been to be careful about the order of words that we use. Instead of saying, "don't bite" we will say "let's use our mouth to smile" or "let's use our mouth to say what we want." They emphasized that young ones hang on to the last words they hear, so in saying "don't bite," they actually might be prompted to bite. I realize this might be out of your control because you're not seeing the biting at home, but in the event you do witness it when your daughter is with other children, this kind of language might help.

I know you are in it right now and trying to manage your son’s biting, but the fact that he is not only bites when over stimulated and silly (very common), but also when he is HUNGRY, really makes me laugh. Kids are crazy. Please remember to tell him this story when he is older! My kid used to bite his friend in daycare. When he got bitten himself six months later, we reminded him that he used to bite and that the other kid is still learning. We asked him what made him stop biting his friend and he said “Because he moved to Ohio”.

[Anonymous]

I think talking about it with a 2.5 yo is useless and maybe even counterproductive. If you are always tAlking about not biting, it only drives their curiosity about why biting is something that makes adults so excitable and they will keep testing it out to see what happens. So, something like a sticker chart is just going to keep biting in the forefront of your kids mind constantly.

Correct it in the moment, for sure - but calmly and firmly. Don’t let them see that you are stressing over it.

Partner as much as you can with the school on a plan for how to handle/correct and redirect.