Dropping out of college

[Anonymous]

My freshman ds is home for Thanksgiving break. I am not surprised at all, but he told me he was thinking of taking a 'gap year' next year. He has been making noises/hinting about doing something like this. He wants to move to a city a few hours away and start a business with some friends from HS. They are already working on it. He has a plan.

I made it clear I don't agree with the idea and that he needs to get his college degree under his belt. He went away to a school in a totally new location while his HS friends stayed close to home and go to the same college and live together. They all want to move to this city next year. He has made some friends in college and even has roommates for next year but I think that this bond with his hs friends is really strong and where he is happiest/most comfortable.

It is not a financial issue for him, we are full pay. He just wants to 'try'. I explained to him this is not a gap year. This is dropping out of college. I asked what the metric is for him deciding when to go back if the business is not successful. I also told him it is going to be harder socially to transfer back in somewhere. I explained that it may be all well and good for a few years but at some point he is going to get to a place when his peers in college (where he is now) will be out earning/advancing because he either doesn't have the degree or got a later start.

His goal is to make a lot of money and be independent and have freedom. He seems to think this business has the potential for that. That is all he cares about right now and can't see the long term impacts. It is really frustrating. Can anyone relate to this? He is not depressed. He doesn't have financial issues. He just wants more autonomy and thinks college is a "waste of time" right now.

[Anonymous]

Let him discuss his plans with someone other than parents or friends, some neutral and smart adult whom he can trust to give unbiased and knowledgeable advice.

How is he planning to fund his business and support himself until business becomes profitable?

[Anonymous]

Op here. Yes, I agree he needs to talk about it with someone other than me. I can’t think of a single adult in his life who loves him who would advise this is a good idea. All the adults on his dad’s side have advanced degrees so they understand the importance.

His dad is a serial start up guy but he at least has a JD and an MBA. And his start ups have gone nowhere even with that.

I told him that I would not be funding any of this and that he would be on his own. I’m not sure where he would get the money to live on. His dad will certainly not fund him. He seems to think the business would just make money quickly and he also is willing to get a job for a while while working on this project.

His major in college is business, and he has always wanted to strike out on his own afterwards. So that part is nothing new. He is doing good in school.

But he is questioning the value in college - both money and time. I realize this is a big trend right now with kids his age, especially boys. I told him it may look appealing now, but wait until he’s 30 and he doesn’t have a degree and his business is flailing and his peers with degrees are shooting ahead of him. Of course, he’s unable to get this and thinks it is old fashioned thinking. Fwiw his goal in life right now is to “get rich.”

[Anonymous]

He does need a dose of reality. Where does he plan to live? What’s the plan to fund an apartment lease + security deposit + a car and insurance + phone and WiFi ? Arguing with a 19 year old is fruitless and I would call his bluff. When you pick him up from college in May, ask him the plans for drop off. All his stuff goes with him.

[Anonymous]

If no one can knock sense into him then make peace with it. You don't need to oppose or support him. Let him experiment, be patient. Keep him on your health insurance, he is welcome to live and eat at home when he is in town but otherwise he needs to figure out everything else on his own because he isn't an student anymore. If he succeeds, great. If not then he'll be eligible for need based aid for college due to his poverty.

[Anonymous]

Are you still married to his dad? Even if you aren't, discuss it with him, its a crisis and two heads are better than one.

[Anonymous]

What kind of business are we talking about? If he is smart and ambitious it may be worth a shot. Getting very wealthy involves risk for most people. If real wealth is his upside and his downside is going back to college after a year then that's not such a bad trade off. If its tech/finance/consulting/etc related I'd argue it'd look good on his resume down the road too. Definitely not traditional, but entrepreneurship isn't a traditional thing.

[Anonymous]

If he is doing tech stuff then accelerators like Y Combinator may be things he should look into

[Anonymous]

Are his HS friends dropping out of college to focus on this business, or are they staying in school? If they're staying in school, maybe he can transfer there and just rejoin the group. Nothing wrong with that.

[Anonymous]

It is not tech-related although it is online based.

My concern is that he will not get back into a school that is equal to the one he is currently in. I also strongly believe that a cohort of friends and peers is important to getting through college for boys at that age and if he leaves now and goes back a year or 2 later, where is his peer group/social support to finish? He will not live in a dorm again.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Are his HS friends dropping out of college to focus on this business, or are they staying in school? If they're staying in school, maybe he can transfer there and just rejoin the group. Nothing wrong with that.

They are dropping out of the current one and enrolling somewhere for online school - I don’t know where. My DS is at a great school currently and there’s no equivalent for him to enroll in if he moves.

[Anonymous]

College can be waste of time. If you invested the money instead, he would not have to work again in 20 years.
College doesn't guarantee a good job.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:If no one can knock sense into him then make peace with it. You don't need to oppose or support him. Let him experiment, be patient. Keep him on your health insurance, he is welcome to live and eat at home when he is in town but otherwise he needs to figure out everything else on his own because he isn't an student anymore. If he succeeds, great. If not then he'll be eligible for need based aid for college due to his poverty.

+1. Just stop talking about this until April. Then, Ask him where he will be living in May/June. Keep him on your health insurance to avoid a catastrophic medical bill (this happened to a friend of mine who took one semester off back before the ACA and didn’t think about insurance). Be very, very patient.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:College can be waste of time. If you invested the money instead, he would not have to work again in 20 years.
College doesn't guarantee a good job.

Academics, teachers, peers, social/extracurriculars, living experience and alumni network etc all adds to your personal, professional and social growth. Its not a waste of time or just a paper piece to get employed. I would rather gift my kids good education than a car, a wedding and a house.

[Anonymous]

Can you network to find some people who did this, so he can get their hindsight? Or if not people who dropped out, then people who tried to launch a business in a recession and had to pivot?

I was in college in the Silicon Valley area in the late 90s, and dropping out to join a tech startup was popular among young men who didn't like homework. None of the ones in my circle are particularly successful now. I've also got a cousin who finished his degree and has been living at home for 5+ years trying to launch his business idea (its going nowhere).