Counseling to deal with negative self-talk
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Anonymous
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Counselor suggestion needed: Ever since my 10-year-old DS (ADHD/anxiety) started school, he has engaged in negative self-talk that is particularly strong in classroom situations -- I'm so dumb, I can't do this, I'm an idiot, etc. And of course, once he settles down to do something, his knowledge or ability is actually fine. It's very painful to hear as a parent, but I know that it has become something of a crutch. And now that he is in 4th grade, the repercussions are becoming more severe. His teachers don't have time to soothe him like they did when he was younger; he needs to figure out a way to motivate himself enough to get over that initial hump. He's seen counselors but because he is normally a pretty chipper, friendly kid, they don't really see this the way my teachers and I do, and so they haven't been very helpful. Can anyone recommend a therapist or maybe a group that might be able to help him focus on this particular issue and come up with more tools? The teachers try all this "growth mindset" stuff and he can recite all the tenets by heart, but he doesn't actually practice them in the moment.
(FWIW, he is currently on ADHD medication (Concerta) but I don't think it's working well since he's at the highest dose and his teachers still report that he is highly distractible. We may need to revisit that) |
Anonymous
| Where do you live? |
Anonymous
| Montgomery County -- thanks for asking and sorry I forgot to mention. |
Anonymous
| Not sure who has availability but Rathbone and Associates is great. Alvord Baker, Jonah Green and Assoc., McClintock Therapies are also good possibilities. |
Anonymous
| I need this for myself as an adult! I'm glad you're getting your child help, it's really a terrible thing to do and I'm not sure how to fix it. |
Anonymous
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((Hugs to you)), PP. I'm the OP and it's such a difficult way to live; I have these impulses myself but the difference is I've developed some coping mechanisms to get through (some of them aren't the healthiest coping mechanisms, though!)
I don't even know you but I can tell you, you're not dumb. ❤️ |
Anonymous
| A good coping strategy for in class, is he has an IEP would be an accommodation for a break to work on a task that takes mental power. Not to listen to music, ect where you just keep going with the negative self talk. Something like a crossword puzzle, Sudoku, logic problems that require concentration. |
Anonymous
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We just discussed that issue with our family therapist this week. They recommended putting affirmations on their room and have them practice saying those things aloud.
DC is in third grade and the negative self talk is less academic and more behavior-based. It still breaks my heart. We don’t react anymore (realized that attention to the language reinforced it’s use) but it hasn’t gone away, so going to try to counteract with positive language. |
Anonymous
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Have you read anything about Carol Dweck's work on Mindset? You should. Everyone should. In short, it has to do with people's underlying beliefs of intelligence and learning. If you believe you're able to learn and to get smarter, you are more open to learning and more resilient in the face of failure/setbacks. It's the power of 'not yet'.
My kids ADHD/anxiety/LD sound a lot like yours. They engaged in a lot of negative self-talk (hell, my DH with ADHD still does!). After reading more about Dweck and mindset, I started making them repeat the mantra, 'whatever you practice, you get better at'. I also would talk to them about 'not yet'. I would also help them remember things that they didn't used to be good at but were now better because of practice. I even read to them parts of Dweck's book! If they said something negative about their sibling, I'd make them say 5 positive things and they couldn't be the same/repeats! Anyway, when your DC engages in self-talk, I would acknowledge what must be their frustration, remind them their work may not be at the level they want but that they, as a person, are not their work. That we learn from our mistakes and that we get better with practice. My kids are older teens now and, I can tell you, it's really made a big difference. https://www.mindsetworks.com/science/ https://www.amazon.com/Mindset-Psychology-Carol-S-Dweck-ebook/dp/B000FCKPHG/ref=sr_1_1?crid=22B24HEARPRBD&keywords=mindset+carol+s.+dweck&qid=1668790015&sprefix=mindset%2Caps%2C70&sr=8-1 |