Catholic Funeral and Burial in Northern Virginia

[Anonymous]

Hello, my mom has declined significantly, and I would like to make some arrangements for her to make things more manageable in the end, which is hopefully still some time away. She has no insurance or prepayment for arrangements, so my siblings and I will be handling this. We are Catholic, and I was thinking of contacting Fairfax Memorial Park and Funeral Home. If anyone has handled similar arrangements recently if you could share your experiences I would appreciate it, including an approximate amount it would be appropriate to budget for this. I am dreading this, but I feel like it might be time to put some plans in place. Thank you for your replies.

[Anonymous]

OP, no specifics to offer but you're smart to want to tackle this ahead of time. You will be the one empowered if you are meeting with them (any place) and yet do not yet need the arrangements. You get to decide what you're comfortable with - details including cost. Don't be shy about meeting with multiple places or coming back more than once before signing. Find arrangements comfortable for your family.

Different geographic area but I know I was freaked out walking into a funeral home the first time. I was emotional, shaking. My Dad had just died. It was the worst place ever. The same place handled arrangements years later when my Mother passed. Because of the prior experience (exposure to funeral home arrangements) the experience was entirely different and manageable. It happened to be a building with fascinating historic detail which I could actually appreciate and see, second time.

[Anonymous]

OP - You might get a cost for cremation versus not doing so. We are Catholic and both my parents were cremated and a mass was said. I do not remember my mom’s funeral, but my dad’s ashes were in an urn on the altar. In our area if VA, visitation is at the church as hour or so before the mass and burial which might reduce the cost of using a separate space etc. Consider what a parent’s wish might be and balance it against what is affordable.

[Anonymous]

Contact their Catholic Church. Someone there can help you with the process. See if they have recommendations for funeral homes.

If your parents want to be cremated, find an inexpensive cremation place (there is one here in Chantilly). They will pick up the body. Then you just have to coordinate with the church.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP - You might get a cost for cremation versus not doing so. We are Catholic and both my parents were cremated and a mass was said. I do not remember my mom’s funeral, but my dad’s ashes were in an urn on the altar. In our area if VA, visitation is at the church as hour or so before the mass and burial which might reduce the cost of using a separate space etc. Consider what a parent’s wish might be and balance it against what is affordable.

If it comes up, the parish the person lives in is obliged to provide a funeral service.

[Anonymous]

Please do it ahead of time. In the days following a death it is numbing to feel rushed into making plans and going to a funeral home for paperwork. After burying my dad, my mom was insistent to outline and prepay her own arrangements. Now we’ve heard exactly what she’d like.

[Anonymous]

When plans are in place ahead of time, it's not only a financial gift, and emotional gift but, I think importantly, it's more likely to help preserve sibling relationships. During grief there can develop unusual disagreements over what each sibling thinks Mom would have wanted. Since all emotions are heightened, those disagreements can escalate.

[Anonymous]

My Dad was in hospice. They gave us a booklet that had all the readings you could choose from. It was really helpful. I'm not catholic, so I have no idea what my Dad would like. So we went through it together and he was able to choose what he liked.

[Anonymous]

OP here. Thank you all for your kind suggestions.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP - You might get a cost for cremation versus not doing so. We are Catholic and both my parents were cremated and a mass was said. I do not remember my mom’s funeral, but my dad’s ashes were in an urn on the altar. In our area if VA, visitation is at the church as hour or so before the mass and burial which might reduce the cost of using a separate space etc. Consider what a parent’s wish might be and balance it against what is affordable.

We did this for my father as well. Their FL church had a visiting time with sandwiches and punch afterwards. Then we brought the ashes to NY and had a small service at the chapel at the cemetery (they already had their plots there). We then rented a room at an Italian restaurant and had about 50 family members and friends (from the NY area where he had lived until retirement) and had a monitor set up with a photo gallery.

When my dad was moved to hospice, he was adamant about being cremated, so we did that. You can skip the visitation at the funeral home if you have some time to talk with folks somewhere else, either in the church parish hall, basement, etc. He wanted "On Eagles Wings" played at the mass, and that about broke me. We did a full mass in FL but a nun in NY (!) talked my mom out of doing a second one.

Best wishes for you to move through this with loved ones around to help.

[Anonymous]

Funeral homes are obliged by law to provide a general price list upon request, so you can call a few places to get a general idea of expenses. Almost all are very familiar with Catholic services: I've been to Catholic services arranged by Money & King, Murphy and National Memorial Park, and all were done well and with respect. The only thing I've ever felt a bit of sales pressure with was the casket. An inexpensive casket will serve the same purpose as a fine quality one. It will be draped with a pall during Mass anyway.
I would recommend going ahead and meeting with them now, when you can be less emotional and make better decisions. They are very used to families preplanning.
Blessings to you and your family.

[Anonymous]

I also recommend Money & King Funeral Home in Vienna. They are so respectful and helpful. Their services are not cheap, but they are excellent. They even coordinated with an out of state funeral home because my MIL was going to be interred in a cemetery far away. Yes, if your parents were practicing Catholics, their parish will take care of them, give you a booklet to help select hymns, and lead you through it.

[Anonymous]

We used Fairfax Memorial Home for both my parents. I do not know the cost because one of my siblings handled, but as weird as it sounds they said they were really wonderful and very professional and caring. I would just call them for an appointment and they can go over costs. Also they have a much cheaper casket that’s made of this fabric, just ask to see it.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:We used Fairfax Memorial Home for both my parents. I do not know the cost because one of my siblings handled, but as weird as it sounds they said they were really wonderful and very professional and caring. I would just call them for an appointment and they can go over costs. Also they have a much cheaper casket that’s made of this fabric, just ask to see it.

Also, we prepaid for my mothers after having to do it for our father. It makes it so much less stressful. Sorry you are going through this.

[Anonymous]

I used Jefferson in Kingstown Alexandria for my Dad who will be buried. And Direct Cremation for my Mom.