Which school for anxious 5 year old?

[Anonymous]

It’s becoming clear that DD struggles with anxiety. Social shyness even with people she knows, serious nail biting and ripping, very sensitive to criticism, terrified of breaking rules. Which local private will provide the least stressful environment for a kid who is so compliant and sensitive? My first thoughts are NPS or Sheridan.

She is gifted but not PG. We will pursue therapy and would love for the school to be a supportive backdrop. Thanks so much.

[Anonymous]

Where are you located? Newton School in Sterling might be worth looking at depending where you are.

[Anonymous]

Concord Hill. My anxious child loved it there. Smaller schools with only young children on campus are better. You could also look at River School or Primary Day — similar models to Concord Hill (PK-2/3rd grade only).

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Concord Hill. My anxious child loved it there. Smaller schools with only young children on campus are better. You could also look at River School or Primary Day — similar models to Concord Hill (PK-2/3rd grade only).

These are great recs.

[Anonymous]

Lowell! Our anxious dd has thrived there. It’s worth a look. We loved NPS and Sheridan too, but since starting at Lowell we haven’t looked back 4 years later.

[Anonymous]

Our anxious child has made tremendous progress while at NPS. It's a comforting and safe environment, and the teachers and administration could not have been more helpful and supportive.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Lowell! Our anxious dd has thrived there. It’s worth a look. We loved NPS and Sheridan too, but since starting at Lowell we haven’t looked back 4 years later.

My anxious child didn't go to Lowell, but went to a similar progressive, child-led school because I thought that the learning through play and exploration would be best for her. It was terrible. Having a more relaxed structure and more invisible (to her) expectations ramped up her anxiety and she stopped talking at school at all. We transferred to a more traditional school (that I would never have considered under normal circumstances) and it was much better.

My daughter ended up being diagnosed with autism, although at age 5 we just thought she was very shy and anxious. She went to Maddux after our disastrous year at a progressive school and did great.

(This is not a knock against progressive schools -- it has been great for my neurotypical child.)

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Lowell! Our anxious dd has thrived there. It’s worth a look. We loved NPS and Sheridan too, but since starting at Lowell we haven’t looked back 4 years later.

My anxious child didn't go to Lowell, but went to a similar progressive, child-led school because I thought that the learning through play and exploration would be best for her. It was terrible. Having a more relaxed structure and more invisible (to her) expectations ramped up her anxiety and she stopped talking at school at all. We transferred to a more traditional school (that I would never have considered under normal circumstances) and it was much better.

My daughter ended up being diagnosed with autism, although at age 5 we just thought she was very shy and anxious. She went to Maddux after our disastrous year at a progressive school and did great.

(This is not a knock against progressive schools -- it has been great for my neurotypical child.)

This is not our exact experience, but we had a more structured environment for elementary and that was best for our anxious DS. He knew the schedule and memorized it; knew exactly what to expect on any given day. It was a public and we worked with the school closely and they did a good job of matching him with the right teacher. With maturation and meds, the anxiety has improved and he’s at a progressive school for middle and doing really well.

[Anonymous]

OP here, grateful for those who shared their experiences. I am also torn on the structured v freewheeling environment and which is better for a timid child. Based on preschool experience, DD thrives when she is “known” and in a small environment.

I guess what I really want is the best behaved group of peers since DD is stressed by too much discipline, but I don’t know how you find that…and it must vary year to year. At home she has never needed rewards or consequences because she is cooperative. But she is hard to parent since she is so nervous to engage with peers or novel situations

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP here, grateful for those who shared their experiences. I am also torn on the structured v freewheeling environment and which is better for a timid child. Based on preschool experience, DD thrives when she is “known” and in a small environment.

I guess what I really want is the best behaved group of peers since DD is stressed by too much discipline, but I don’t know how you find that…and it must vary year to year. At home she has never needed rewards or consequences because she is cooperative. But she is hard to parent since she is so nervous to engage with peers or novel situations

You may want to check out the smaller schools....Springwell or Oneness.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP here, grateful for those who shared their experiences. I am also torn on the structured v freewheeling environment and which is better for a timid child. Based on preschool experience, DD thrives when she is “known” and in a small environment.

I guess what I really want is the best behaved group of peers since DD is stressed by too much discipline, but I don’t know how you find that…and it must vary year to year. At home she has never needed rewards or consequences because she is cooperative. But she is hard to parent since she is so nervous to engage with peers or novel situations

For an anxious kid, you need structure and routine so they know exactly what to expect each day. As for NPS, we found it to be overly focused on discipline but it was in the middle years in a class with behavior issues.

[Anonymous]

I would push back against the idea that you want an unusually well behaved, compliant peer group. I can see how very boisterous would be stressful for her. But it’s actually important for her to see that mistakes aren’t the end of the world and be able to cope with unexpected behavior—and see that everyone else can too. My anxious kid’s therapist was always pointing out that the kid needs to see things “go wrong” and then be fine. That is how she will learn to reassure herself.

[Anonymous]

This may be an unpopular opinion, but what about GDS? We have a shy, fairly anxious child and everyone vehemently steered us away from GDS saying it was too unstructured etc. But our 6 year old LOVES it. They are very nurturing and honestly I’ve found them to be incredibly structured!!

[Anonymous]

We did play-based progressive school for our anxious youngster and whilst the anxiety was kept at bay at school, they didn’t learn much at all nor track well versus the rest of the class. We had to ask around to find that out. By 6th grade, it created anxiety due to being behind or in pullouts.

I think the best way to quell anxiety is through confidence, support and skill building. Not by avoiding work, tests or competition.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I would push back against the idea that you want an unusually well behaved, compliant peer group. I can see how very boisterous would be stressful for her. But it’s actually important for her to see that mistakes aren’t the end of the world and be able to cope with unexpected behavior—and see that everyone else can too. My anxious kid’s therapist was always pointing out that the kid needs to see things “go wrong” and then be fine. That is how she will learn to reassure herself.

We found something similar with our DC. It might not be the easiest path from day one, but I can say at least from our experience that learning how to adjust to new people, make mistakes, and get up after you fall ultimately worked wonders for our anxious DC--who is now far less anxious.

DC was supported, and challenged (ultimately in this good way), at BVR.