Tell me About Your IVF

[Anonymous]

I have been trying for four years unsuccessfully. Am leaning towards IVF. I have a DC already, and my husband is not helpful. I do everything in the home, plus work and elder care for my mom.

Honestly, how hard is IVF? How big of a mess will I be, and for how long? Is it very painful?

FWIW, the doctor said I would not need any intramuscular shots since I have carried a pregnancy to term prior. (I have no idea what this means, just quoting her. If someone can explain, I'd appreciate it!)

[Anonymous]

For me, the physical part of IVF wasn’t so bad (of course, experiences vary), and not nearly as hard as pregnancy and the postpartum period. But emotionally it can be very hard, and I wouldn’t want to do it without a spouse who was at least reasonably supportive. Plus, it can be very expensive and you may get to the end and not achieve your goal, which can obviously be disappointing and a stressor for couples.

The intramuscular shots are progesterone. It’s perhaps true that you won’t need them if your body makes sufficient progesterone naturally (or you can use vaginal suppositories), but I would guess that your fertility specialist would have you take at least some progesterone before a transfer and immediately after even if you don’t need it all the way through your first trimester. The shots aren’t pleasant, but they aren’t that bad and I could do them myself when my husband was out of town.

[Anonymous]

It’s such an emotional roller coaster. I was prepared for it to be successful and to have a baby or not be successful and I didn’t get pregnant. I wasn’t prepared for it to seem like it worked, then for there to be some doubt about viability, then to have non viability confirmed and to have to wait for my body to get the message. I wasn’t prepared to try again and go through all the injections and monitoring appointments, only to have the retrieval canceled because of a single follicle developing faster than the rest. I was mentally prepared to transfer a single embryo, not have my doctor recommend transferring more due to the low odds of success, but also telling me he’d later recommend embryo reduction if I ended up pregnant with more than two embryos.

Even if these situations don’t happen to you, if you do IVF and still don’t get pregnant, it’s tough to deal with the knowledge that you’re running out of options. It’s not like there are still completely different treatments you can try.

I didn’t find it physically painful, but I have small veins so the phlebotomists were worried that they’d run out of veins in my arms they could use for blood draws. They had started preparing me for the possibility of using veins in my hands. Thank God I didn’t reach that point. It’s a of appointments, a lot of injections, a lot of blood draws, a lot of vaginal ultrasounds, and a lot of following specific instructions, while feeling like you ultimately have little to no control.

[Anonymous]

It was a very hard time for me. It basically took over my life for months, and it was hard to focus on work or anything else because of the mental/emotional toll. I only had 2 viable embryos from my egg retrieval, so after the first one failed it was so nerve wracking waiting for the final FET and then waiting on if it was successful (it was).

I definitely could not have done it without the emotional and physical support of my husband - he administered all of my injections for me, was with me every step of the way, even drove me to some of my appointments because he wanted to be there for me as much as possible. I would not do this with an unhelpful spouse. Why do you want to have another child if the burden of everything is already on you?

[Anonymous]

My first successful pregnancy was conceived by IUI. We conceived twice by IUI after that, but both were losses due to aneuploidy. We finally opted to do IVF with PGT in order to try for kid #2. I did two rounds at two clinics. My trigger shots at both clinics were IM, but that was the extent of my IM injections. I used vaginal progesterone suppositories (generic Prometrium) only after my FET, which I continued to use until toward the end of 1st trimester. The injections and monitoring are a commitment, but can be administered fully by yourself if you're up for it (I even did my IM injections myself). You need someone to drive you to/from the egg retrieval and any other procedure you may have under anesthesia. Monitoring is done in the early morning and can be tricky to make based on your childcare arrangements and how far of a drive it is to your clinic.

Finally, as so many other PPs have already said, emotionally it can be incredibly difficult. I had a terrible experience with the first clinic we did IVF at, despite having had good experiences with all my IUIs there.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:It was a very hard time for me. It basically took over my life for months, and it was hard to focus on work or anything else because of the mental/emotional toll. I only had 2 viable embryos from my egg retrieval, so after the first one failed it was so nerve wracking waiting for the final FET and then waiting on if it was successful (it was).

I definitely could not have done it without the emotional and physical support of my husband - he administered all of my injections for me, was with me every step of the way, even drove me to some of my appointments because he wanted to be there for me as much as possible. I would not do this with an unhelpful spouse. Why do you want to have another child if the burden of everything is already on you?

OP here. I want to do this *because* I have an unhelpful, withdrawn spouse. More chance at a bigger, warmer family. No guarantees, but that's my hope.

How was it physically for you? DId you have another child at the time? How were you able to juggle care -- emotional and physical -- for that DC, if you had one?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:It’s such an emotional roller coaster. I was prepared for it to be successful and to have a baby or not be successful and I didn’t get pregnant. I wasn’t prepared for it to seem like it worked, then for there to be some doubt about viability, then to have non viability confirmed and to have to wait for my body to get the message. I wasn’t prepared to try again and go through all the injections and monitoring appointments, only to have the retrieval canceled because of a single follicle developing faster than the rest. I was mentally prepared to transfer a single embryo, not have my doctor recommend transferring more due to the low odds of success, but also telling me he’d later recommend embryo reduction if I ended up pregnant with more than two embryos.

Even if these situations don’t happen to you, if you do IVF and still don’t get pregnant, it’s tough to deal with the knowledge that you’re running out of options. It’s not like there are still completely different treatments you can try.

I didn’t find it physically painful, but I have small veins so the phlebotomists were worried that they’d run out of veins in my arms they could use for blood draws. They had started preparing me for the possibility of using veins in my hands. Thank God I didn’t reach that point. It’s a of appointments, a lot of injections, a lot of blood draws, a lot of vaginal ultrasounds, and a lot of following specific instructions, while feeling like you ultimately have little to no control.

OP here. Thank you for this. It's funny you recommend veins, as mine are an issue too. Blood draws are so painful. I'm surprised you didn't have the same issue. They sometimes have to stick me four times to find a vein. That, after a lot of rubbing to bring them up. Did your veins dig further underground as they were poked and prodded? It's a lot of blood draws, so wondering if maybe I should have them try my hands once in a while just to keep the ones in my elbow from becoming even less cooperative. I heard that can happen.

I am hopeful I can keep a bit detached. Not too hopeful. I think that's the only way I can stay sane.

[Anonymous]

It is not bad at all if you don't experience complications and you get a take home baby with the first or second transfer. It can turn into a nightmare if repeated transfers fail and it turns into a rabbit hole of more testing, more egg retrievals, more transfers, switching doctors, switching clinics, research on internet, etc.

I did an egg retrieval when I already had a naturally conceived first. It was not that bad. I also did the progesterone shots myself. Make sure you have childcare the whole day for the egg retrieval (can't be scheduled BTW) and the transfer (can be scheduled). When you come back from the clinic you are not going to want mommy duty.

i'm sorry to hear about your dh

[Anonymous]

Honestly, the hardest part for me was going to all the appointments (my dc is old enough to question where I was, why cant I take him to school) and then coming home from some emotionally devastating appointments and having to just play it normal in front of dc. The shots and actual process is not that bad, and even if you hate it its a max of like 14 days.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:It’s such an emotional roller coaster. I was prepared for it to be successful and to have a baby or not be successful and I didn’t get pregnant. I wasn’t prepared for it to seem like it worked, then for there to be some doubt about viability, then to have non viability confirmed and to have to wait for my body to get the message. I wasn’t prepared to try again and go through all the injections and monitoring appointments, only to have the retrieval canceled because of a single follicle developing faster than the rest. I was mentally prepared to transfer a single embryo, not have my doctor recommend transferring more due to the low odds of success, but also telling me he’d later recommend embryo reduction if I ended up pregnant with more than two embryos.

Even if these situations don’t happen to you, if you do IVF and still don’t get pregnant, it’s tough to deal with the knowledge that you’re running out of options. It’s not like there are still completely different treatments you can try.

I didn’t find it physically painful, but I have small veins so the phlebotomists were worried that they’d run out of veins in my arms they could use for blood draws. They had started preparing me for the possibility of using veins in my hands. Thank God I didn’t reach that point. It’s a of appointments, a lot of injections, a lot of blood draws, a lot of vaginal ultrasounds, and a lot of following specific instructions, while feeling like you ultimately have little to no control.

I have “roll-y” veins so many of my blood draws were through a butterfly clip on the backs of my hands. It wasn’t bad at all.

What concerns me on your behalf is that the early morning appointment schedule is hectic. My husband and I had no kids and healthy parents when we went through it. It was still … a lot.

OP here. Thank you for this. It's funny you recommend veins, as mine are an issue too. Blood draws are so painful. I'm surprised you didn't have the same issue. They sometimes have to stick me four times to find a vein. That, after a lot of rubbing to bring them up. Did your veins dig further underground as they were poked and prodded? It's a lot of blood draws, so wondering if maybe I should have them try my hands once in a while just to keep the ones in my elbow from becoming even less cooperative. I heard that can happen.

I am hopeful I can keep a bit detached. Not too hopeful. I think that's the only way I can stay sane.

[Anonymous]

If your husband is so unhelpful, will he be willing to give sperm samples? He’ll have to give some during the diagnosis stage. And give more as you go through your cycles. Some places allow you to do it at home. Others make you go into the clinic. Will he be willing to rearrange his schedule so he can give his sperm at the right time and possibly in a clinic setting?

And I just want to say, I’ve seen so many women pushed past their ability to cope with a second child. If you are doing all the work now, do not underestimate how much additional load a second child will be.

And there is no guarantee that having another child will give you a happy family. What if your child has significant issues? What if the siblings don’t get along?

Please work with a therapist before moving forward.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:It was a very hard time for me. It basically took over my life for months, and it was hard to focus on work or anything else because of the mental/emotional toll. I only had 2 viable embryos from my egg retrieval, so after the first one failed it was so nerve wracking waiting for the final FET and then waiting on if it was successful (it was).

I definitely could not have done it without the emotional and physical support of my husband - he administered all of my injections for me, was with me every step of the way, even drove me to some of my appointments because he wanted to be there for me as much as possible. I would not do this with an unhelpful spouse. Why do you want to have another child if the burden of everything is already on you?

This is spot on for me too. We got one embryo and she’s now 2.5. It was one of the hardest things I’ve done emotionally. I am in awe still that it worked out for us, but it’s nothing I would undertake lightly. The uncertainty was very hard.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:If your husband is so unhelpful, will he be willing to give sperm samples? He’ll have to give some during the diagnosis stage. And give more as you go through your cycles. Some places allow you to do it at home. Others make you go into the clinic. Will he be willing to rearrange his schedule so he can give his sperm at the right time and possibly in a clinic setting?

And I just want to say, I’ve seen so many women pushed past their ability to cope with a second child. If you are doing all the work now, do not underestimate how much additional load a second child will be.

And there is no guarantee that having another child will give you a happy family. What if your child has significant issues? What if the siblings don’t get along?

Please work with a therapist before moving forward.

He really needs to do his part; as far as providing the sperm in the clinic. Most have gone back to in-clinic sample collection, as opposed to home collection. (Clinic is better).

Try to avoid freezing the sperm if possible.

But overall, your comment about him not being helpful generally is kind of troubling.