if you get aid what is your school experience

[Anonymous]

I want to apply but DH doesnt want to deal with being the poor family. If you get aid do you get it every year or do you apply every year and what does school want from you in return. If we have a problem or want to speak up DH says we have to keep shut. Do other parents not want you around events and playdatess? Or do we have to show up. The teachers will know it prettyobvious. Will my kid be treated different? I'm already stressing

[Anonymous]

You have to reapply for aid each year.

The teachers won't treat your kid differently and the school won't give you less of a voice although frankly, no parents have much of a voice at these schools (if you are talking about the top schools). Perhaps the giant donors do. But the regular full-pay families don't really have a voice either.

And the community? It depends. I'd like to say that class (and race for that matter) don't matter when it comes to socialization but they definitely do. Families(and later in high school---the kids themselves) tend to segregate in large part by these factors (in my experience with 3 kids at 2 different Big3 private schools).
I don't mean that your kid won't have any playdates but you also likely won't be finding your new BFFs among the wealthy crowd (which depending on the class can be a big part of the grade). They are surface courteous but tend to stick together.

[Anonymous]

We're on f/a at a "second tier" area private.

> If you get aid do you get it every year or do you apply every year

Yes.

> and what does school want from you in return.

Nothing. We volunteer a lot but we're would do that anyway, and the non fa families also volunteer a lot.

> If we have a problem or want to speak up DH says we have to keep shut.

I do honestly self censor a bit. But I'm generally not one to complain.

> Do other parents not want you around events and playdatess?

DC has more friends than he had in public school.

> Or do we have to show up. The teachers will know it prettyobvious. Will my kid be treated different?

The teachers don't know who is on fa. Honestly a couple of DC's many friends have remarked in passing in how we have a small house, that's about the worst of it.

[Anonymous]

At most well-known private schools in this area, 25% (or more) are receiving aid. If you have 600 students, that's at least 150 who are receiving aid - and that's probably the lower end of an average. That's not a scenario in which a single family will stand out.

[Anonymous]

You’ll get aid every year unless your financial situation changes. They assess each year.

[Anonymous]

I would not want to be poor at one of the "loud money" schools - like where the uber elite wants to send their kids, where they have the absurd auction, etc. I think being on aid at St Albans or Maret or Sidwell or Georgetown Prep is very different than being on aid at Green Acres or Good Counsel.

[Anonymous]

We receive financial aid at a K-8 and our child has loads of friends and is well-liked by his teachers. It's obvious by the way I dress and the car we drive and the size of our house that we are not wealthy or "powerful" people. The teachers aren't Rockefellers either, so they certainly won't be looking down their noses at you or your child.

We have not had any big problems with the school, so we haven't had to worry about "treading lightly" with the administration or teachers. But we reach out to teachers with questions or concerns and have never had any issues.

My husband and I make a concerted effort to volunteer when we can. I have no idea if anyone even notices these things, but frankly we do it to show our gratitude and show that we want to support the school that has shown support for us.

We skip the auction and give about $50 to the annual fund just to make sure they know we are team players.

When the kids are little, they don't realize that Khaleed's family is rich or Adele's house is small and old. But as they get older, they catch on pretty quickly. High school might be tougher. And I think girls can be snottier about the kids of clothes you wear etc. My son, who is in 4th grade now, does feel a little funny at first when some of his friends come over to our modest home, but we've used it to reinforce the idea that there are nice and unkind people at all socio-economic levels. Sometimes, we take the friend out for ice cream or an activity outside the house.

Our financial situation hasn't adversely affected our child's popularity or performance at school. For most people, it boils down to whether or not your kid is nice. My husband and I have found some nice people who we mingle/chat with at the school functions, but we're not looking to make BFFs at these functions.

As others have mentioned above, you re-apply for FA annually. Generally the amount you get will stay the same unless you have a change in income (a family member becomes seriously ill or loses a job, or you win the billion-dollar Powerball). The questions are extensive (What make/model/year of car do you drive? Did you take a vacation and how much did you spend? Do you have a boat? A vacation house? Have you inherited money? Are you supporting other family members like an elderly or disabled individual?). But frankly, they should be because you want people who actually need the money to get it.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:We receive financial aid at a K-8 and our child has loads of friends and is well-liked by his teachers. It's obvious by the way I dress and the car we drive and the size of our house that we are not wealthy or "powerful" people. The teachers aren't Rockefellers either, so they certainly won't be looking down their noses at you or your child.

We have not had any big problems with the school, so we haven't had to worry about "treading lightly" with the administration or teachers. But we reach out to teachers with questions or concerns and have never had any issues.

My husband and I make a concerted effort to volunteer when we can. I have no idea if anyone even notices these things, but frankly we do it to show our gratitude and show that we want to support the school that has shown support for us.

We skip the auction and give about $50 to the annual fund just to make sure they know we are team players.

When the kids are little, they don't realize that Khaleed's family is rich or Adele's house is small and old. But as they get older, they catch on pretty quickly. High school might be tougher. And I think girls can be snottier about the kids of clothes you wear etc. My son, who is in 4th grade now, does feel a little funny at first when some of his friends come over to our modest home, but we've used it to reinforce the idea that there are nice and unkind people at all socio-economic levels. Sometimes, we take the friend out for ice cream or an activity outside the house.

Our financial situation hasn't adversely affected our child's popularity or performance at school. For most people, it boils down to whether or not your kid is nice. My husband and I have found some nice people who we mingle/chat with at the school functions, but we're not looking to make BFFs at these functions.

As others have mentioned above, you re-apply for FA annually. Generally the amount you get will stay the same unless you have a change in income (a family member becomes seriously ill or loses a job, or you win the billion-dollar Powerball). The questions are extensive (What make/model/year of car do you drive? Did you take a vacation and how much did you spend? Do you have a boat? A vacation house? Have you inherited money? Are you supporting other family members like an elderly or disabled individual?). But frankly, they should be because you want people who actually need the money to get it.

Does life insurance / 401(k) from spouse (DC's other, recently deceased parent) count as inherited money? My income is crazy low for private school, and I'm thinking of applying for FA. Right now, I have a good bit of cash from the life insurance, but I'm going to need that to supplement my income for years.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:We receive financial aid at a K-8 and our child has loads of friends and is well-liked by his teachers. It's obvious by the way I dress and the car we drive and the size of our house that we are not wealthy or "powerful" people. The teachers aren't Rockefellers either, so they certainly won't be looking down their noses at you or your child.

We have not had any big problems with the school, so we haven't had to worry about "treading lightly" with the administration or teachers. But we reach out to teachers with questions or concerns and have never had any issues.

My husband and I make a concerted effort to volunteer when we can. I have no idea if anyone even notices these things, but frankly we do it to show our gratitude and show that we want to support the school that has shown support for us.

We skip the auction and give about $50 to the annual fund just to make sure they know we are team players.

When the kids are little, they don't realize that Khaleed's family is rich or Adele's house is small and old. But as they get older, they catch on pretty quickly. High school might be tougher. And I think girls can be snottier about the kids of clothes you wear etc. My son, who is in 4th grade now, does feel a little funny at first when some of his friends come over to our modest home, but we've used it to reinforce the idea that there are nice and unkind people at all socio-economic levels. Sometimes, we take the friend out for ice cream or an activity outside the house.

Our financial situation hasn't adversely affected our child's popularity or performance at school. For most people, it boils down to whether or not your kid is nice. My husband and I have found some nice people who we mingle/chat with at the school functions, but we're not looking to make BFFs at these functions.

As others have mentioned above, you re-apply for FA annually. Generally the amount you get will stay the same unless you have a change in income (a family member becomes seriously ill or loses a job, or you win the billion-dollar Powerball). The questions are extensive (What make/model/year of car do you drive? Did you take a vacation and how much did you spend? Do you have a boat? A vacation house? Have you inherited money? Are you supporting other family members like an elderly or disabled individual?). But frankly, they should be because you want people who actually need the money to get it.

Does life insurance / 401(k) from spouse (DC's other, recently deceased parent) count as inherited money? My income is crazy low for private school, and I'm thinking of applying for FA. Right now, I have a good bit of cash from the life insurance, but I'm going to need that to supplement my income for years.

You can submit a special circumstances letter, which I would absolutely do in this case. Explain how you intend the money to be spread out over the years

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I would not want to be poor at one of the "loud money" schools - like where the uber elite wants to send their kids, where they have the absurd auction, etc. I think being on aid at St Albans or Maret or Sidwell or Georgetown Prep is very different than being on aid at Green Acres or Good Counsel.

Not true at ALL! You find your people at these schools. Not everyone is uber rich but EVERYONE is well educated and can hold a conversation regardless of where you live. Almost everyone is at least middle class, including families on aid. My DC on aid has uber-rich friends and goes to parties with kids of all colors/financial statuses. If their parents don't want their kids around you, because of your financial status (which is extremely shallow) especially when our kids are going to the EXACT same school, then they aren't worth your time. I know my child is still in the lower school years and it may change in HS school, but they wouldn't change their Big 3 experience for the world.

Sincerely a Big 3 Parent

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I would not want to be poor at one of the "loud money" schools - like where the uber elite wants to send their kids, where they have the absurd auction, etc. I think being on aid at St Albans or Maret or Sidwell or Georgetown Prep is very different than being on aid at Green Acres or Good Counsel.

Not true at ALL! You find your people at these schools. Not everyone is uber rich but EVERYONE is well educated and can hold a conversation regardless of where you live. Almost everyone is at least middle class, including families on aid. My DC on aid has uber-rich friends and goes to parties with kids of all colors/financial statuses. If their parents don't want their kids around you, because of your financial status (which is extremely shallow) especially when our kids are going to the EXACT same school, then they aren't worth your time. I know my child is still in the lower school years and it may change in HS school, but they wouldn't change their Big 3 experience for the world.

Sincerely a Big 3 Parent

It really depends on the school and the grade. At my kid's Big3 the high schoolers definitely segregate by economic class and even more by race. Not to a person but there are definite groupings.

Also, I think it depends what degree of friendship you or your kids aspire to. Everyone is "nice" and when you're young you get things like birthday party invites regardless of your economic class. But ultimately, you will find yourself on the outs. Which as a parent I did not mind (I was not there to make BFFs) but when my kids got older they did mind.
It's hard to explain exactly but I will sum it up by saying that it is not some utopia where rich and poor ride off into the sunset together. These school communities which are so bipolar in terms of income have a lot of income related issues when you scratch beneath the surface. The surface being 2nd grade parties at Zava Zone. Any deeper and it can get ugly fast.

[Anonymous]

Speaking just for HS experience here:

You wouldn't have a voice at Sidwell even if you are full pay.

RE "loud money" - there are plenty of full pay families that are not uber rich. Ours included. Kids sort themselves and I think it does often have to do with how families choose to live their lives. I guess there are uber rich, but there are also many academic type families in DC that are well off but do not choose to live "large and flashy".

(This is coming from full pay) I think different kids take this differently. I know some that care about going on a fancy summer trip (not talking family trip) or wanting to have the new car vs the second-hand parent car. Meanwhile, others don't spend time/energy on this sort of status-striving nonsense.

[Anonymous]

Playdates? I have no idea the situation of any of the parents in my kids class. For playdates I only care about if it's a kid my kid likes. The end.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Speaking just for HS experience here:

You wouldn't have a voice at Sidwell even if you are full pay.

RE "loud money" - there are plenty of full pay families that are not uber rich. Ours included. Kids sort themselves and I think it does often have to do with how families choose to live their lives. I guess there are uber rich, but there are also many academic type families in DC that are well off but do not choose to live "large and flashy".

(This is coming from full pay) I think different kids take this differently. I know some that care about going on a fancy summer trip (not talking family trip) or wanting to have the new car vs the second-hand parent car. Meanwhile, others don't spend time/energy on this sort of status-striving nonsense.

I completely agree and I am a family on aid. Both my spouse and I chose careers in the government and hence we don't have tons of money, but wanted the best education for our child who is bright and was accepted to multiple Big 3 schools. The families are nice, I have been to a diversity of homes through playdates, and social outings with the kids but ultimately people find who they like based on their personality and interests. Even the so called "country club set" will most likely not stay in contact once the kids graduate from the school and move onto college. This is a temporary time, this isn't forever. More solid friendships are formed in college when you have a greater diversity of people to choose from. Please stay focused on the academics and don't get caught up in the hype. Your child will be fine and will survive.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Speaking just for HS experience here:

You wouldn't have a voice at Sidwell even if you are full pay.

RE "loud money" - there are plenty of full pay families that are not uber rich. Ours included. Kids sort themselves and I think it does often have to do with how families choose to live their lives. I guess there are uber rich, but there are also many academic type families in DC that are well off but do not choose to live "large and flashy".

(This is coming from full pay) I think different kids take this differently. I know some that care about going on a fancy summer trip (not talking family trip) or wanting to have the new car vs the second-hand parent car. Meanwhile, others don't spend time/energy on this sort of status-striving nonsense.


I completely agree and I am a family on aid. Both my spouse and I chose careers in the government and hence we don't have tons of money, but wanted the best education for our child who is bright and was accepted to multiple Big 3 schools. The families are nice, I have been to a diversity of homes through playdates, and social outings with the kids but ultimately people find who they like based on their personality and interests. Even the so called "country club set" will most likely not stay in contact once the kids graduate from the school and move onto college. This is a temporary time, this isn't forever. More solid friendships are formed in college when you have a greater diversity of people to choose from. Please stay focused on the academics and don't get caught up in the hype. Your child will be fine and will survive.