When does personality set at a child?

[Anonymous]

I have 2 kids. 1 kid (age 7) has no patience, loud, careless, competitive, friendly, rushy and excel in academic. 1 kid (age 4) is caring, friendly, loves to dance, attention to detail, cheerful, social and kind of know what she wants and how to get what she wants.

Is it most likely what I see now is their personality for the future years growing up?

[Anonymous]

I mean sort of - my kids (now 18 and 20) are sort of the same personality they were when they were little.

But of course some things have changed...... my very active boy who couldn't sit still is not a good student with a part time job - he still likes to run around and play sports and has a fun attitude, but he is still grown up.

But personality wise? Both of my kids are the same as in their preschool class. One is fun and active and can have swings of really great attitude and then being more upset - he is very passionate, other is serious and a bit anxious, loves music and his friends.

[Anonymous]

Some of it is already there at birth. Personality traits are about 50% genetic. The other 50% is shaped by environment and the people in it but those innate traits that one has throughout life can be predominant.

However developmental stages also impact on how personality presents in day to day life.

But most people don't have major personality trait shifts assuming a non traumatic life.

[Anonymous]

Both of these personalities have great attributes. Fost the great attributes of each and down play the attributes you don't like. You will be surprised at the results.

Kids are born with inclinations that can be shapes along the way. I was a bit like your 7 yo, which it sounds like your least favored child. Try describing her as: determined, assertive, big-picture thinker, competitive (in a good way), friendly, fast, and academically inclined. You really used a lit og negative words for her. Can you see her as a lawyer now? A scientist? A CEO?

You kid of describe your little one as "sugar and spice and everything nice". I really hope you don't parent this way as you'll be limiting her too.

[Anonymous]

I feel like my kids have been the same since they were infants! One is a cautious perfectionist afraid to fail, one will try anything just to see what happens. I feel like I am the same person I’ve been since early childhood - but as an adult I can control my words and actions better and think about others more.

[Anonymous]

Personality is set at birth. Maturity helps take the edge off, but each of my kids is who they were as infants/toddlers.

[Anonymous]

I have three kids. I swear their personalities were apparent in utero. Even the non stress tests and ultrasounds tracked with what they are like now.

[Anonymous]

It's decided with gene reassortment at conception, OP.

You can tweak it with behavioral modification, but essentially, personality is determined by genes.

- geneticist.

[Anonymous]

Yes

[Anonymous]

Many times, things that frustrate us about our kids become some of their greatest strengths as adults - if cultivated in a healthy manner. Accept, truly accept your kids for who they are.

[Anonymous]

My kids had their personality as soon as they were born. They have similar personalities now as young adults. We worked on making the most of their strengths and finding strategies for coping with their weaknesses.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:It's decided with gene reassortment at conception, OP.

You can tweak it with behavioral modification, but essentially, personality is determined by genes.

- geneticist.

Word?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Many times, things that frustrate us about our kids become some of their greatest strengths as adults - if cultivated in a healthy manner. Accept, truly accept your kids for who they are.

This. I think some traits can make a kid harder to parent, but those same traits can serve them well as adults.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:It's decided with gene reassortment at conception, OP.

You can tweak it with behavioral modification, but essentially, personality is determined by genes.

- geneticist.

I hope this is true! I have two toddlers whose personalities I adore and I keep worrying they’ll grow into sulky threenagers or bad tempered teens or something. Hopefully this is a good sign for longer term family harmony…

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Both of these personalities have great attributes. Fost the great attributes of each and down play the attributes you don't like. You will be surprised at the results.

Kids are born with inclinations that can be shapes along the way. I was a bit like your 7 yo, which it sounds like your least favored child. Try describing her as: determined, assertive, big-picture thinker, competitive (in a good way), friendly, fast, and academically inclined. You really used a lit og negative words for her. Can you see her as a lawyer now? A scientist? A CEO?

You kid of describe your little one as "sugar and spice and everything nice". I really hope you don't parent this way as you'll be limiting her too.

I assumed the older kid was a boy. As a society there is a lot more acceptance and even celebration of some of these so-called negative traits in boys.