Question re: Hand Me Downs

[Anonymous]

Question about hand me down etiquette from a FTM - do you pass along clothes and other baby items to family and friends as hand me downs as soon as your child outgrows them or do you hold onto everything that’s in good condition if you hope to have additional children? We had our first child 6 months ago, so she’s outgrown the clothes she wore as a little baby. DH’s cousin and his wife are expecting their first child next month and have asked us multiple times if we can pass along hand me downs. DH and I plan to try for a second child within the next two years, so I was assuming we’d hold onto a lot of DD’s outgrown clothes until we know whether we’ll be able to use them again. I don’t mind passing along a few items here and there, but I’d like to avoid having to accumulate all the baby clothes and gear again when we have the space to store DD’s old things. Wanted a gut check before I respond to some of the requests we’ve received - does this seem selfish?

[Anonymous]

I think it's common for people to wait to give hand-me-dones until later. If there are clothes you aren't attached to, you could give a couple of things to them, but you can also say it's too soon to know what you might want for a subsequent child.

[Anonymous]

If you hand down something, don't ever count on getting it back.

My personal advice: don't talk to them about having additional children bc you never know what will or won't happen. And if I were you I'd tell DH to tell his cousin in no uncertain terms that they should not count on you to supply their baby's needs. You may pass along a few outfits here or there, but they aren't getting your baby's entire wardrobe. I dislike pushy people.

[Anonymous]

It’s rude of them to keep asking. Definitely keep the big-ticket items if you plan to have more children. You can give them a few clothes to get them off your back but don’t feel obliged to part with things just because they demand.

[Anonymous]

I’d give away clothes and things you don’t currently use. You never know if you’ll have another or not and no guarantees about gender of the next. Let someone get some use out of them.

[Anonymous]

Its rude to ask. Give a few things and keep it.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Its rude to ask. Give a few things and keep it.

+1 I knew I wanted multiple kids and I kept all the stuff and clothes from my first. Your husband’s cousin should find someone enthusiastically trying to get rid of baby stuff. If you decide against another or it doesn’t work out you can give away stuff then when you’re sure.

[Anonymous]

Yea, I'd connect cousin with freecycle.. or ask her if she wants you to post to NextDoor on her behalf but you're not ready to part with your baby items just yet.

[Anonymous]

I would just say...our plan is to need these things again someday.

[Anonymous]

OP here - thanks all! I wanted to make sure I wasn’t being unreasonable by declining to pass along some of what they’ve asked for, and it sounds like the general consensus is that I’m not. The couple in question is younger than us, so I think they’re just unaware of the typical etiquette around hand me downs. Will pass along some things to them (particularly hand me downs we received), but I won’t feel guilty about holding onto the things I’d like to keep!

[Anonymous]

Very rude to ask someone this especially if they only have one kid currently. They seem really clueless honestly.

[Anonymous]

Not at all selfish. Just say, "oh, we're keeping Larla's things in case we have another one."

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:It’s rude of them to keep asking. Definitely keep the big-ticket items if you plan to have more children. You can give them a few clothes to get them off your back but don’t feel obliged to part with things just because they demand.[/quote
+1
Completely rude. It reminds me of when a friend kept insisting on my hand me downs bc ughh she was pregnant again by accident and was annoyed with it. I was just going through an awful miscarriage after a few years of Ivf. People are insensitive and you don’t owe them anything. Instead of getting into the discussion of wanting to save or any personal details, just say you have passed the items on locally if you need to nip the conversation. You can also say a lot of your items were from a friend who had asked for them back. I’d just kill the conversation with them so they don’t keep asking

[Anonymous]

It depends. My sister shared hand me downs with me, and asked I return them when I was done, since she was still planning to have more kids. I had no problem with that, since she was being so generous by sharing them. Your DH cousin sounds a bit pushy.

[Anonymous]

i think it's fine if you want to keep them for a second kid. Just let pushy cousin know.

Personally I just passed almost everything along (even though I want a second kid). Hopefully when the second kid comes around I will be able to get hand me downs from buy nothing group etc. But almost all clothes were hand me downs in the first place.

I'm planning on keeping some items (woolino sleep sacks for example) for the second child (or until I know there won't be one.)