Have you ever lied to your parent how much assisted living/SNF is costing them?

[Anonymous]

I tell my mom it is only costing her $300 a month. Otherwise, she would never pay for it because she wants to save her money for us, which I would rather it go to the best possible care. She has dementia and is always worried about money.

[Anonymous]

OP - I think you do what you need to do in the best interest of your parent(s) and also of your own family and life. The idea of passing on an estate is fine, but the reality is also that aging costs money and the impact on the children and grandchildren needs to be considered as not everyone is able to provide direct care in their home. As long as you have the legal authority to spend their money in their best interest you just have to evaluate the individual circumstances.

[Anonymous]

I wouldn't have a problem lying about care costs to a parent with dementia.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

OP - I think you do what you need to do in the best interest of your parent(s) and also of your own family and life. The idea of passing on an estate is fine, but the reality is also that aging costs money and the impact on the children and grandchildren needs to be considered as not everyone is able to provide direct care in their home. As long as you have the legal authority to spend their money in their best interest you just have to evaluate the individual circumstances.

I agree. We lied to a parent with dementia. Independent living, even with drop in help, was an unsafe situation.

[Anonymous]

There’s really no way to do dementia care without some therapeutic lying. If you have power of attorney, it’s fine.

[Anonymous]

I’m lying to my parent that they are in a nursing home permanently. They were living with me but then had a stroke and can no longer live independently. I had to spend down their assets and Medicaid takes most of their social security too. They keep wanting to come “home” but they have no home to go to and cannot take care of themselves anyway. I did not lie regarding their finances, however, and they are quite upset at being destitute.

[Anonymous]

I have to. It's just so expensive, and she has no concept of math anymore, thinks things cost what they did in the 80s and 90s, basically can't process modern-day prices at all. It only upsets her to hear the real cost.

[Anonymous]

Damn this is sad I’m not looking forward to 10 years from now

[Anonymous]

I mean, what other option is there? It just upsets them. My grandma used to give the priest a quarter for the collection plate when he came by-- in 2014. He was used to it.

[Anonymous]

The reality is that if you want to avoid this for your adult children, then look into options for long term care funding ahead of time as part of your future planning as you can. If this is not feasible, then consult a financial advisor (fee for just the consult) to have a clear idea of your finances and how you might fund health care and other supports in the future as needed. Learn about housing options for seniors as well as services in your local area as one ages. Also be sure to talk to your adult child or children to do the legal planning ahead of time with a will, Power of Attorney, Health Care Power etc. so that they will be in a position to assist in making decisions if and when your are not. Or perhaps it will be setting up a professional relationship through a law firm, a bank or other group that provides fiduciary services for a fee to look out for your best interest or to help your child (children) to do so.

See if there are FREE presentations on topics related to aging, local providers of health care services, senior housing options, legal and financial basics to get in order. These may be offered through the local senior center, public library (suggest it as a topic for a speaker), local office on aging etc.

[Anonymous]

I dodged the question for awhile, but eventually told him. He was experience significant dementia, so I am not sure how aware he was. My dad had always told me that he was saving so he would be able to pay for his long term care.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:
The reality is that if you want to avoid this for your adult children, then look into options for long term care funding ahead of time as part of your future planning as you can. If this is not feasible, then consult a financial advisor (fee for just the consult) to have a clear idea of your finances and how you might fund health care and other supports in the future as needed. Learn about housing options for seniors as well as services in your local area as one ages. Also be sure to talk to your adult child or children to do the legal planning ahead of time with a will, Power of Attorney, Health Care Power etc. so that they will be in a position to assist in making decisions if and when your are not. Or perhaps it will be setting up a professional relationship through a law firm, a bank or other group that provides fiduciary services for a fee to look out for your best interest or to help your child (children) to do so.

See if there are FREE presentations on topics related to aging, local providers of health care services, senior housing options, legal and financial basics to get in order. These may be offered through the local senior center, public library (suggest it as a topic for a speaker), local office on aging etc.

Huh? This will not be helpful at all if you then lose your ability to do math and freak out when told that your rent is more than $100.

[Anonymous]

Not exactly the same, but my mom had an agreement with my grandmothers finance guy. She liked to call and see how much money she had. He would always tell her approx the same amount..even though her assets were being used for assisted living. Kept her from worrying about it. She would say "Oh so if I want to buy a new blouse, it is fine?" He would assure her it was.