Incontinence in Assisted Living

[Anonymous]

My mom has been in an assisted living for a little over a year, and it has been an up and down experience. She clearly needs to be there, but she will go from participating in activities to not going down to meals or participating at all. She has recently been in a funk (she sees a psychiatrist and takes medication) and we found out that she had several accidents in the common areas. She is understandably upset and is staying in her room. She is also, however, against using any form of absorbent undergarments. Her doctor is aware of this, and I have reached out to her assisted living to discuss. If anyone has any experience in how to do deal with this sensitively I would appreciate it. Thank you.

[Anonymous]

Tell her most of her friends in assisted living are wearing them, but she just doesn't know it since no one talks about it. Unfortunately, it is reality for many people when they hit their most elderly years. Every relative I have had over the age of 85 had to wear something for extra protection.

[Anonymous]

There are pull ups for adult incontinence that are like underwear with a pad inside. No one will know she has them on. As PP said, I'm sure most of the others are wearing them too.

[Anonymous]

It's incredibly common. At my mom's assisted living, I often see the evidence of accidents on chairs, carpets, the floor of the elevator. My mom wears Depends but she didn't need any encouragement to do so.

[Anonymous]

OP here. Thank you for your kind suggestions.

[Anonymous]

There are also underwear that is absorbent (like THINX for periods). That way it’s like a normal underwear and no pad, just needs to be thrown into laundry.

[Anonymous]

OP, how about this? A unique approach I know. Visit her and show her - that you wearing the product. No you don't need it. The point isn't to make her think you need it - it's just to make the product seem more familiar to her. If you talk about it while it's on your body.

[Anonymous]

It sounds like she needs a higher level of care than she is getting and assisted living doesn't provide that.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:It sounds like she needs a higher level of care than she is getting and assisted living doesn't provide that.

Solely for incontinence? Not true at all. My mom’s issues started in independent living and had zero to do with her transition to assisted living, much less long term care. As long as she can change the underwear herself, that is.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:It sounds like she needs a higher level of care than she is getting and assisted living doesn't provide that.

Solely for incontinence? Not true at all. My mom’s issues started in independent living and had zero to do with her transition to assisted living, much less long term care. As long as she can change the underwear herself, that is.

The issues are not just incontinence if you read the original post.