If you had just an ok marriage but still happy with your life

[Anonymous]

Tell me about it. I don’t think my marriage is ever going to be super successful. It’s fine but it lacks in some areas, it has strengths but also definite major downsides. If this was you but you got on with it and are happy with your life, can you say more about what that looks like?

[Anonymous]

I have my own interests and friends. I am a complete person without my spouse. I don't feel pressured by my spouse to do anything with him that I don't want to do, including intimacy and spending time together.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I have my own interests and friends. I am a complete person without my spouse. I don't feel pressured by my spouse to do anything with him that I don't want to do, including intimacy and spending time together.

In the context of this type of relationship, do you think he gets intimacy elsewhere? Just curious if this dynamic leads to infidelity.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I have my own interests and friends. I am a complete person without my spouse. I don't feel pressured by my spouse to do anything with him that I don't want to do, including intimacy and spending time together.

Me too. If we didn’t have kids I would have bounced years ago, but he’s a great dad and I see no reason to split up our family unit since outside of parenting he pretty much just leaves me alone to live my best life.

[Anonymous]

What are the "major downsides"?

No marriage is perfect. It's a sliding scale. Grass is not always greener. <insert more adage here>

[Anonymous]

My marriage was similar. We pretty much lived our own lives and parented well together. I was relatively happy with the arrangement. When I found out he had had an AP for over a year, I was more upset than I thought I’d be. I guess I was being naive to think that wouldn’t happen.

[Anonymous]

Our downsides were major enough that after the youngest seemed to be heading in the right direction (special needs), we are now divorcing.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I have my own interests and friends. I am a complete person without my spouse. I don't feel pressured by my spouse to do anything with him that I don't want to do, including intimacy and spending time together.

In the context of this type of relationship, do you think he gets intimacy elsewhere? Just curious if this dynamic leads to infidelity.

No. It's his choice not to be intimate.

[Anonymous]

Sounds like every marriage I know, OP.

I'm in my 40s and my friends are in their 40s and 50s. We're in the teen/aging parents period, and two of my close friends have been diagnosed with cancers. I had a life-altering diagnosis in my 30s. This isn't a time when any of us have the bandwidth to prioritize romantic bonds with our spouses, so obviously there are relationship strains. At this point, our spouses will not change, and we won't either. The tension is situational rather than imputable to personality differences. There's the general notion that we need to power through and things will be better on the other side. Or not, who knows?

What do we do? We have pets and we exercise, or at least walk our dogs

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I have my own interests and friends. I am a complete person without my spouse. I don't feel pressured by my spouse to do anything with him that I don't want to do, including intimacy and spending time together.

In the context of this type of relationship, do you think he gets intimacy elsewhere? Just curious if this dynamic leads to infidelity.

No. It's his choice not to be intimate.

Don't go out for hamburger, but don't eat the steak at home either because you're vegetarian

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I have my own interests and friends. I am a complete person without my spouse. I don't feel pressured by my spouse to do anything with him that I don't want to do, including intimacy and spending time together.

In the context of this type of relationship, do you think he gets intimacy elsewhere? Just curious if this dynamic leads to infidelity.

No. It's his choice not to be intimate.

Don't go out for hamburger, but don't eat the steak at home either because you're vegetarian

Huh?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I have my own interests and friends. I am a complete person without my spouse. I don't feel pressured by my spouse to do anything with him that I don't want to do, including intimacy and spending time together.

In the context of this type of relationship, do you think he gets intimacy elsewhere? Just curious if this dynamic leads to infidelity.

No. It's his choice not to be intimate.

Don't go out for hamburger, but don't eat the steak at home either because you're vegetarian

Think he is having an affair?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:What are the "major downsides"?

No marriage is perfect. It's a sliding scale. Grass is not always greener. <insert more adage here>

Emotional regulation and intimacy issues. Communication isn’t good either.

Spouse is otherwise responsible, reliable, supportive, compatible in values/lifestyle, caring (when not wrapped up internal crisis or anxiety), good co-parent. But stress due to the above does affect the family and negatively impacts my health.

I tell myself this is life and I need to get on with it. Can’t see much of a point in divorcing, unless I were to meet someone else.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I have my own interests and friends. I am a complete person without my spouse. I don't feel pressured by my spouse to do anything with him that I don't want to do, including intimacy and spending time together.

In the context of this type of relationship, do you think he gets intimacy elsewhere? Just curious if this dynamic leads to infidelity.

No. It's his choice not to be intimate.

Don't go out for hamburger, but don't eat the steak at home either because you're vegetarian

Think he is having an affair?

No, she thinks he’s gay.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I have my own interests and friends. I am a complete person without my spouse. I don't feel pressured by my spouse to do anything with him that I don't want to do, including intimacy and spending time together.

In the context of this type of relationship, do you think he gets intimacy elsewhere? Just curious if this dynamic leads to infidelity.

No. It's his choice not to be intimate.

Don't go out for hamburger, but don't eat the steak at home either because you're vegetarian

Think he is having an affair?

No, she thinks he’s gay.

So he could be having an affair- just with a man?