What do you do with friendships when you feel completely depleted?

[Anonymous]

I’m having a hard time in general. I’m just in over my head with work/family responsibility and really struggling to get above water. My cup feels empty, for lack of better way of explaining it. I have a few friends in my life who are having their own hardships and expect me to be a system of support or the person helping (for instance plan a shower). The issue is I’m completely struggling with life right now and I just can’t give any more of myself to anyone. What do you do in this situation? Aside from my 3 kids and my husband, I don’t feel like I have much to give.

[Anonymous]

You say, “I’m really struggling right now and can’t really give anything outside of my kids and husband. I hope you understand.”

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:You say, “I’m really struggling right now and can’t really give anything outside of my kids and husband. I hope you understand.”

This. But also if you are close enough…ask to just lie on the floor and do nothing. Or sit somewhere and do nothing. It’s weird but it’s also great support for both friends. Quiet rest in companionship where no one needs you. Snacks are also nice.

[Anonymous]

Learn to say no or have a stock line about "I'd love to, but I'm so busy with Berto's scoliosis and the Hedgehog's virus that I need to wait until everybody is feeling well." (Sick parents is a great excuse if they are out of town. It doesn't even have to be true. But you'd have to emotionally care for them, make doctor's appointments, get groceries, deal with caregiving, rides to appointments etc)

Do yoga with them (in line with the lying on the floor with a cuppa above)
retreat off of social media for a while
Don't reply to texts/phonecalls/emails

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:You say, “I’m really struggling right now and can’t really give anything outside of my kids and husband. I hope you understand.”

This. But also if you are close enough…ask to just lie on the floor and do nothing. Or sit somewhere and do nothing. It’s weird but it’s also great support for both friends. Quiet rest in companionship where no one needs you. Snacks are also nice.

Yeah. Don’t do anything, don’t plan a shower or serve in some way. When there’s a storm in your brain, it’s so comforting to just sit or lie down next to each other and be there without talking. Snacks and drinks.

[Anonymous]

Question for OP. I have a friend who I think is in your situation right now. Is there anything I can do to help other than backing off?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Question for OP. I have a friend who I think is in your situation right now. Is there anything I can do to help other than backing off?

I'm in the OPs position and I'm not good at asking for help. I'd love it if someone would text me and say, hey can I bring dinner over some night this week, or can I stop by with pastries and coffee. I have a friend who wants to help, but her helping always seems to involve me planning something for us to do together-in my case, I like hanging out and talking but I have zero executive function left for planning.

[Anonymous]

Just let your friends know how you feel right now. If they don’t even suspect that you are going through hard times, they may start wondering if you are rejecting them or have no interest any more in making plans with them. Also, be clear if you need help from them, don’t let them play the guessing game

[Anonymous]

Honestly I'm the kind of person who would never let a good friend down, to a fault. What are the hardships? Does your best friend have cancer? It's really situation dependent. Planning a shower, it's fine to say I can't do that right now. But that's not a hardship.

I think you are direct and explain to your friends if you really can't be there for them if you want them to remain your friends.

[Anonymous]

Tell them you're either taking a bath, washing your hair or you're out of the country.