Question about attending Bat Mitzvah

[Anonymous]

DD is invited to attend her friend's Bat Mitzvah (morning ceremony+lunch, and evening reception). She's very excited about this, even though she has no idea what to expect (we're not Jewish).

Would you please share:
- Should she bring a gift to the ceremony or reception or both?
- How long is the ceremony? Do the attendees need to be quiet at all times? Is it weird for me to attend the ceremony (the invitation is for DD). She is well-behaved most of the time, but I don't know how she would react to novel, unexpected situation. I just want to make sure things go smoothly since it's such an important event for her friend.
- Any other tips?

TIA!

[Anonymous]

Bring a gift (often a check, although not required) to the reception. How long the service is depends on the synagogue, but usually 2-3 hours. If it's a conservative synagogue, which is on the longer end, it's ok to come late. Sitting still is generally expected, but bringing fidgets is fine, as is taking frequent bathroom breaks (just sit toward the back). Nothing at all wrong with you coming.

[Anonymous]

You don’t give money inside a temple. Bring the gift to the reception. No, you don’t go with DD. She’ll behave. Or, she won’t and she’ll be asked to step outside until she can behave.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:You don’t give money inside a temple. Bring the gift to the reception. No, you don’t go with DD. She’ll behave. Or, she won’t and she’ll be asked to step outside until she can behave.

I always enjoyed going to the ceremony as we are not Jewish either and I haven’t been to that many. I would just leave after and pick my DD up after the celebration.

[Anonymous]

How long the morning service/ ceremony is really depends on how religious it is. If this is a reform synoguge I would expect the service to be much closer to 1- 1.5 hours. Yes, you can attend the service. Gifts should be brought to the reception.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:You don’t give money inside a temple. Bring the gift to the reception. No, you don’t go with DD. She’ll behave. Or, she won’t and she’ll be asked to step outside until she can behave.

I guess it depends on the community, but in my circle, bnei mitzvah services have always been the more the merrier. As a parent, I would very touched if some kid's parents decided to attend too.

[Anonymous]

OP, make sure whatever she is wearing to the morning services is somewhat modest - covered shoulders (it might be cold inside anyway, so it's good to have a jacket or a shawl) and no micro mini skirts.

[Anonymous]

the morning services are open to the community, and so too (usually) the kiddush (coffee/cookies) afterwards. Dress nicely like you would for church - nothing sleeveless. bringing a small fidget is okay but nothing electronic and nothing noisy. the kids often all sit together and someone will shush them if they make too much noise. in general they behave pretty well. you would be proud.

[Anonymous]

Usually, if you do a monetary donation, it should be a multiple of 18. 18 is the Jewish number for "life" or "luck" (chai). Give what you feel comfy with. We've done amazon gift cards and DD gift cards. The ceremony is usually about 40 min to an hour. I would definitely eat before the event and the reception (maybe it's tacky, but whatever...we always bring a kosher snack in DD's purse just in case). We've been to 4 bar/bat mitzvah's so far and there hasn't been enough food. Plus my DD is a super picky eater and wasn't jazzed about the options to eat. boo!

I agree with the dress code from the previous posters. We do a simple dress down to DD's knees and a short sleeves, and cardigan. No short sleeves. I would bring comfy shoes to the reception. My DD and all her friends wore converse shoes (or knockoffs). We wore this dress to our last Bat Mitzvah to give you an idea of what to wear. https://smile.amazon.com/gp/product/B07L84QF2H/ref=ppx_yo_dt_b_search_asin_title?ie=UTF8&th=1&psc=1

If your child has a phone, make sure it's on "mute" and def no texting/snapchat/facebooking or use of it in the main synagogue.

Here are some basic tips we went over with my DD
https://www.jta.org/2019/09/04/culture/your-kids-first-bar-bat-mitzvah-invite-everything-you-need-to-know#:~:text=While%20attire%20varies%20by%20synagogue,grandma%20and%20covers%20the%20shoulders.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Bring a gift (often a check, although not required) to the reception. How long the service is depends on the synagogue, but usually 2-3 hours. If it's a conservative synagogue, which is on the longer end, it's ok to come late. Sitting still is generally expected, but bringing fidgets is fine, as is taking frequent bathroom breaks (just sit toward the back). Nothing at all wrong with you coming.

Checks are more from family members. Kids do not usually give each other checks as gifts.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Usually, if you do a monetary donation, it should be a multiple of 18. 18 is the Jewish number for "life" or "luck" (chai). Give what you feel comfy with. We've done amazon gift cards and DD gift cards. The ceremony is usually about 40 min to an hour. I would definitely eat before the event and the reception (maybe it's tacky, but whatever...we always bring a kosher snack in DD's purse just in case). We've been to 4 bar/bat mitzvah's so far and there hasn't been enough food. Plus my DD is a super picky eater and wasn't jazzed about the options to eat. boo!

I agree with the dress code from the previous posters. We do a simple dress down to DD's knees and a short sleeves, and cardigan. No short sleeves. I would bring comfy shoes to the reception. My DD and all her friends wore converse shoes (or knockoffs). We wore this dress to our last Bat Mitzvah to give you an idea of what to wear. https://smile.amazon.com/gp/product/B07L84QF2H/ref=ppx_yo_dt_b_search_asin_title?ie=UTF8&th=1&psc=1

If your child has a phone, make sure it's on "mute" and def no texting/snapchat/facebooking or use of it in the main synagogue.

Here are some basic tips we went over with my DD
https://www.jta.org/2019/09/04/culture/your-kids-first-bar-bat-mitzvah-invite-everything-you-need-to-know#:~:text=While%20attire%20varies%20by%20synagogue,grandma%20and%20covers%20the%20shoulders.

Not ennough food? Unusual at a catered event.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Bring a gift (often a check, although not required) to the reception. How long the service is depends on the synagogue, but usually 2-3 hours. If it's a conservative synagogue, which is on the longer end, it's ok to come late. Sitting still is generally expected, but bringing fidgets is fine, as is taking frequent bathroom breaks (just sit toward the back). Nothing at all wrong with you coming.

Checks are more from family members. Kids do not usually give each other checks as gifts.

Checks specifically or money all together? Confusing. Everyone has told us to give money in multiples of 18.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Bring a gift (often a check, although not required) to the reception. How long the service is depends on the synagogue, but usually 2-3 hours. If it's a conservative synagogue, which is on the longer end, it's ok to come late. Sitting still is generally expected, but bringing fidgets is fine, as is taking frequent bathroom breaks (just sit toward the back). Nothing at all wrong with you coming.

Checks are more from family members. Kids do not usually give each other checks as gifts.

My child got a lot of checks from non-family members. Maybe it depends where you are located.

[Anonymous]

DD is invited to attend her friend's Bat Mitzvah (morning ceremony+lunch, and evening reception). She's very excited about this, even though she has no idea what to expect (we're not Jewish).

Would you please share:
- Should she bring a gift to the ceremony or reception or both? Just one gift, usually to reception but some bring to ceremony.

- How long is the ceremony? Do the attendees need to be quiet at all times? Is it weird for me to attend the ceremony (the invitation is for DD). She is well-behaved most of the time, but I don't know how she would react to novel, unexpected situation. I just want to make sure things go smoothly since it's such an important event for her friend.
2-2.5 hours or longer depending on the type of ceremony. You can check with teh temple or the parents. DD attended 6-7 last year and I think nearly all were open meaning anyone could drop in but many did require you to send in a covid test so in reality the only people who dropped in are members of the congregation.
Many kids take bathroom breaks, just sit in the back.


- Any other tips?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Usually, if you do a monetary donation, it should be a multiple of 18. 18 is the Jewish number for "life" or "luck" (chai). Give what you feel comfy with. We've done amazon gift cards and DD gift cards. The ceremony is usually about 40 min to an hour. I would definitely eat before the event and the reception (maybe it's tacky, but whatever...we always bring a kosher snack in DD's purse just in case). We've been to 4 bar/bat mitzvah's so far and there hasn't been enough food. Plus my DD is a super picky eater and wasn't jazzed about the options to eat. boo!

I agree with the dress code from the previous posters. We do a simple dress down to DD's knees and a short sleeves, and cardigan. No short sleeves. I would bring comfy shoes to the reception. My DD and all her friends wore converse shoes (or knockoffs). We wore this dress to our last Bat Mitzvah to give you an idea of what to wear. https://smile.amazon.com/gp/product/B07L84QF2H/ref=ppx_yo_dt_b_search_asin_title?ie=UTF8&th=1&psc=1

If your child has a phone, make sure it's on "mute" and def no texting/snapchat/facebooking or use of it in the main synagogue.

Here are some basic tips we went over with my DD
https://www.jta.org/2019/09/04/culture/your-kids-first-bar-bat-mitzvah-invite-everything-you-need-to-know#:~:text=While%20attire%20varies%20by%20synagogue,grandma%20and%20covers%20the%20shoulders.

Not ennough food? Unusual at a catered event.

I'm the pp... I know right?!?!? I was VERY grumpy (and hangry) esp. since it happened twice. One time it was b/c the dad decided to forego formal catering and cook all the food himself (grossly underestimated quantity of food) and secondly it was because the caterer was... well....incompetent.

All I can say is be prepared.

Oh I also forgot to mention that sometimes these shin-dings can be VERY loud at the reception. Sometimes I wished I brought earplugs b/c I'm old and can't handle loud music volume... haha!