If you think bride's parents should pay for the wedding - why?

[Anonymous]

Not talking about either set of parents voluntarily contributing money for the wedding, but specifically bride's parents having an obligation to pay for the wedding.
If you believe they should, what is your reasoning?

IMHO, it was relevant back in the old days, but now, when a marriage is between two adults who have equal rights, earn an income or have an ability to earn an income and the new family unit is mostly independent, then the expectation seems just completely random.

[Anonymous]

Nope. Women are no longer chattel so we can drop these payment/dowry expectations. families can decide who wants to gift any funds for a wedding. But now couples get married later so they can pay. That said, when my daughters marry, if i have the means, ill happily contribute to a wedding/house etc.

[Anonymous]

I think nowawdays a lot of couples pay for it themselves or they elope.

For both my kids (male and female) if I like who they are marrying and I think it's a good, stable and healthy relationship, I would contribute toward wedding and first home eventually (I would want them to rent for the first year to make sure all is well). If I don't think it's a good choice, i will respect their wishes and just give a generous gift and show up if asked to show up to a wedding.

[Anonymous]

We eloped because of complicated family dynamics. My parents are very into showing off for friends so they offered to throw a post elopement celebration fully paid, but they controlled everything including guest list. We declined, but got pressured into it. I didn't enjoy myself, but when my mother tried to guilt trip me like I owed her after that, I felt no obligation. I did not ask for it. She insisted. We allowed her to control every aapect so it was basically just a party we attended. Why should I feel like I owe anyone for that? It was really stressful too.

[Anonymous]

Parents should not pay for a wedding that’s ridiculous

[Anonymous]

Couples are older now and should pay for it.

[Anonymous]

We don’t believe that the brides’ families should pay for the wedding but our son’s wife’s family had feelings about wanting to pay for good share of it. So we just paid for whatever we could to reduce the burden on them as they paid for dress, reception and cake (such as renting chairs and furniture for outside ceremony/ professional photographer/ modest but thoughtful gift bags for guests/ modest forms of alcohol). We both agreed to do whatever we could to keep costs down but not compromise on what was important to our children. We had family members act as MC, family friend who is ordained conduct the ceremony, free music over loud speakers and just wine, beer, soda and water rather than expensive cocktails).

It was a beautiful and happy day. It was important to both sides that the wedding honor the love between our children in ways that they wanted but to keep costs down as much as possible.

[Anonymous]

I have three daughters and I believe 100 percent Father of Bride pays.

But the rules when that was in effect the grooms side pays rehearsal dinner, honeymoon, groom comes in debt free no student loans and the Groom traditionally provides a home and if wife decides to be a SAHM support her. And of course Groom has a good job and a good person with right values.

My brother married a pretty nice girl around four years younger, he was 29 she was 25. Her blue collar parents paid.

Well that was 30 years ago. She has not worked in 25 years. Drives a brand new Lexus, belongs to two country clubs at her primary and Florida home. My brother helps out in-laws both financially and physically. Paid all colleges. Hosts all holiday parties. Even pays for in-laws tickets for vacation.

But makes a lot. It was an investment and their community college pretty daughter is by far the richest person on their side of family.

[Anonymous]

Good Lord, no! Are we back to the Dark Ages or what?

Both sets of parents contributed to our wedding, and we paid the rest.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Not talking about either set of parents voluntarily contributing money for the wedding, but specifically bride's parents having an obligation to pay for the wedding.
If you believe they should, what is your reasoning?

IMHO, it was relevant back in the old days, but now, when a marriage is between two adults who have equal rights, earn an income or have an ability to earn an income and the new family unit is mostly independent, then the expectation seems just completely random.

Women work now and couples should pay for their own weddings.

[Anonymous]

No.

I have only boys. We will contribute a certain amount, perhaps the bride's parents will also contribute an amount (that's totally up to them), and the rest is up to the adults getting married.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I have three daughters and I believe 100 percent Father of Bride pays.

But the rules when that was in effect the grooms side pays rehearsal dinner, honeymoon, groom comes in debt free no student loans and the Groom traditionally provides a home and if wife decides to be a SAHM support her. And of course Groom has a good job and a good person with right values.

My brother married a pretty nice girl around four years younger, he was 29 she was 25. Her blue collar parents paid.

Well that was 30 years ago. She has not worked in 25 years. Drives a brand new Lexus, belongs to two country clubs at her primary and Florida home. My brother helps out in-laws both financially and physically. Paid all colleges. Hosts all holiday parties. Even pays for in-laws tickets for vacation.

But makes a lot. It was an investment and their community college pretty daughter is by far the richest person on their side of family.

[Anonymous]

I think because generally the bride wants most of the expensive stuff. If we left it up to grooms there'd be a DJ and an open bar and that would be it.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I have three daughters and I believe 100 percent Father of Bride pays.

But the rules when that was in effect the grooms side pays rehearsal dinner, honeymoon, groom comes in debt free no student loans and the Groom traditionally provides a home and if wife decides to be a SAHM support her. And of course Groom has a good job and a good person with right values.

My brother married a pretty nice girl around four years younger, he was 29 she was 25. Her blue collar parents paid.

Well that was 30 years ago. She has not worked in 25 years. Drives a brand new Lexus, belongs to two country clubs at her primary and Florida home. My brother helps out in-laws both financially and physically. Paid all colleges. Hosts all holiday parties. Even pays for in-laws tickets for vacation.

But makes a lot. It was an investment and their community college pretty daughter is by far the richest person on their side of family.

Did they have children? If she worked inside the Horne raising children and caring for her family then she definitely would have worked most of those 25 years.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:No.

I have only boys. We will contribute a certain amount, perhaps the bride's parents will also contribute an amount (that's totally up to them), and the rest is up to the adults getting married.

Exactly. I have a boy and a girl, and I plan to contribute the same to their weddings (if they have one!). The rest will be up to them and the other set of parents.