Too much ambition?

[Anonymous]

Is too much ambition a bad thing to any of you?

Reason I thought of this is I've been dating a man for a few months now and I am wondering if I want to take it to a serious level or not. He's 32 and has done really well career wise (works in business / tech). He says he sees himself in a C level role and eventually a leader of industry in general. Problem is I can see some narcissistic traits as well, it may be a byproduct or something needed for extreme ambition. He does alot of speeches at industry conferences and I think he is falling in love with a crowd cheering him etc

[Anonymous]

Are you really beautiful? Like, are you a possession of his? Or does he think of you as a person he likes?

[Anonymous]

I bet when you're married and wondering if you can afford a nanny or need to work to pay for one, you'll appreciate his ambition. A lot of women don't realize how expensive kids are - especially if you're having them back-to-back over a 5-7 year period.

[Anonymous]

For me, there definitely such a thing as too much ambition. My husband went years without a consistent career and isn't likely to be a leader in anything. That's fine with me. I'm also happy to live a life that doesn't require a ton of income to maintain. If you're not, you might want a partner with more ambition.

[Anonymous]

For me it wouldn’t be the ambition per se that’s a problem but the signs of narcissism. I personally wouldn’t want a partner who works constantly but if I had a partner who was ambitious, smart, and talented, but still down to earth and prioritized relationships, awesome.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:For me it wouldn’t be the ambition per se that’s a problem but the signs of narcissism. I personally wouldn’t want a partner who works constantly but if I had a partner who was ambitious, smart, and talented, but still down to earth and prioritized relationships, awesome.

This. My DH is ambitious and driven, with a successful high paying career, but extremely balanced and kind and the opposite of a narcissist. I am also really driven and have a successful, high earning career, and while I am not as kind and balanced as DH (because he really just is that great) I am also not a narcissist and i have a lot of balance and time for my family (including being available consistently for my SN dS).

Conversely, my neighbor/close friend is married to a doctor who is "ambitious" but in a kind of delusional narcissistic kind of way. He keeps blowing up his career every 3 years through some dumb move, and their finances are fairly precarious. His narcissism seeps into their home life all the time.

[Anonymous]

I work in finance and have a lot of male colleagues like this. Some of them are good guys but all of them have wives who either don’t work or their careers come second. They need to be able to take those speaking invitations without worrying who will take care of the kids, and in my experience it goes further to an entitlement to go out after work whenever, etc. There is nothing wrong with this if both partners agree, but go in eyes wide open. It will not work if you have career ambitions of your own.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I work in finance and have a lot of male colleagues like this. Some of them are good guys but all of them have wives who either don’t work or their careers come second. They need to be able to take those speaking invitations without worrying who will take care of the kids, and in my experience it goes further to an entitlement to go out after work whenever, etc. There is nothing wrong with this if both partners agree, but go in eyes wide open. It will not work if you have career ambitions of your own.

+1 I have one of these husbands that works in finance. We are very, very wealthy. He is narcissistic and I have always been responsible for the kids and myself. I would have chosen differently.

[Anonymous]

Sure it can be a problem. The husband who works through every single vacation. Who takes a work call when out to dinner with you on your anniversary. Who misses events important to kids - heck, misses the kids' birth (yep, I've seen that one happy) because of work.

My husband seemed to have a lot of work ambition. Partner track. And then he decided to leave. Because he had a lot of ambition of being a well-rounded person.

[Anonymous]

When I was dating someone like this I just didn’t enjoy the time with them. Constant put downs of other people. Just wasn’t how I wanted to spend my days.

[Anonymous]

honestly… men who have that level of ambition are narcissistic more often than not. also they tend to possess sociopathic traits.

[Anonymous]

My husband had/has a ton of ambition. He is very successful at what he does. He definitely doesn’t view me as a possession (I am definitely not a trophy wife). But I did have to give up my biglaw job that I really liked. We (and by we, I mean I) could not manage the kids without 2 nannies, and that was something I was not comfortable doing long term. So I quit and started staying home with the kids.

He doesn’t much care what I spend or what I do, so I had quite a bit of help when the kids were little. And life is pretty easy and pleasant. But it could be terrible if he were controlling about money.

So, just go in with eyes wide open.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:honestly… men who have that level of ambition are narcissistic more often than not. also they tend to possess sociopathic traits.

Why is that

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:honestly… men who have that level of ambition are narcissistic more often than not. also they tend to possess sociopathic traits.

Curious on what you mean on sociopathic traits

[Anonymous]

I love a crowd cheering me on but I am not a narcissist. Is that the only narcissistic trait you're seeing?

My husband is very ambitious, but his ambitions line up with his values. His values are 1) family 2) financial security 3) health. So he is just as intense about spending time with his wife and kids as he is about work.

I think everything comes down to character. You have to see what his values are and whether or not his actions line up with those values.