Need tips and advice for hosting small dinners

[Anonymous]

I have never mastered hosting - whether small dinners or get togethers at our house. I get so nervous before hand and despite preparing - clean house, small bites, drinks, dinner ready etc… I just get so high strung and stressed out. I’m honestly not even sure about what. The anxiety seems to have a life of its own and makes me so stressed the day of and then when our guests arrive I spend the whole time nervous and wondering if they are having an ok time, if I’ve offered enough beverages etc… anyway I know I sound like a nervous wreck and I kind of am.

Does anyone who feels like they have mastered hosting, or used to feel this way but doesn’t anymore have any advice or tips? What does your night look like for a nice but also casual dinner?

[Anonymous]

Aw shoot, sounds like you put in wonderful effort but then don't even get to enjoy all the work you did.

You could try experimenting -- leave the house a little less tidy, not invite the persnickety friend, order food, build in 30min of downtime for a glass of wine and a blanket right before guests come.

Is your partner stressing you (if you have one).

Are you worried people aren't having fun?

[Anonymous]

Start small and easy. Invite one friend or a couple and serve easy menu. Make spaghetti, salad, wine, garlic bread and a simple dessert.

Set your table before they arrive and with this menu (or something else easy) it won't be difficult to put food on table. You can offer a drink--wine, beer or non-alcoholic and a simple vegetable and dip tray. Small talk for 30 minutes.

Excuse yourself. Cook spaghetti and transfer to bowl, cover with sauce. You have prepared garlic bread earlier, put in oven to warm and brown, transfer to bread basket or dish. Toss salad and bring to table. Voila. Dinner is served. Food is always better shared with friends. Relax and enjoy.
.

[Anonymous]

Keep the meal simple and make ahead like a lasagna, salad, bread and dessert. Buy wine ahead and set the table early.

[Anonymous]

Like above. Have a plan. Doest have to be complicated.
I dont bother with appetizers or pre dinner drinks. We just sit to the meal and have a leisurely time.
Make food that requires little last min prep. So a baked dish vs a fried dish. Put all salads together ahead and dress at the last minute. Put a fresh towel and toilet paper roll in guest bath.
Invite max 2 couples at a time. People are overall nice and not judgy and appreciate others going through an effort. The more you do it the easier it will be.

[Anonymous]

Have an after dinner activity, like a card game, uno, yahtzee, something like that.

[Anonymous]

I find it easier to host medium groups, instead of small groups of people. Sweet spot for me is around 7 - 10 couples. I will tell you why.

- Small number of people, you will have a sit down. You have to care about placemats, table setting etc. You will keep getting up from the table to the kitchen to fetch different courses. Medium group of people, you can have buffet style dinner. You can choose to use real plates and cutlery or disposable ones. You have stations instead of courses. Appetizers, entrees and sides, desserts, beverages. Things can be very chilled.

- Small number of people, the food you serve will quickly get cold while they are eating it. Medium group of people, you can have the food piping hot in chafing dishes. In fact, you can start your chafing dishes around 2 hrs before the party with fridge cold food and it will be piping hot by dinner time.

- Small gp - hard to make sure that the guests will entertain themselves or find something in common. Md gp - They will talk to each other and usually there are 2 - 3 people who like to talk.

- Small gp - people sit in one place and do not circulate. Md gp - you will stage foods and beverages in different places and that keeps people moving and prevents one place being crowded. They will also help themselves.

- Small gp - more expensive per person to buy food and beverages. Md gp - you can get economy of scale and less wastage.

- Small gp - harder to accommodate food preferences. Md gp - easier to accommodate food preferences if you plan well.

- Small gp - people tend not to help themselves to alcohol and so you are serving them. Md gp - start with a signature cocktail that is ready to serve and a bar area, and folks will usually help themselves.

My tips for hosting any get together -

Planning - I visualize every hour of the party. How the guests will come into the house, where they will take off their coats, what drinks I will offer them, all the places they might want to sit at, different stations for booze, appetizers, dinner and dessert. And work according to that.

Cleaning and decorating - I start cleaning the house at least a couple week before the party. I usually clean and lock the rooms that we do not use very much, so that my kids don't mess it up in the interim. I will wash the table cloth, place mats, napkins etc to make sure that there are no stains on them and iron them, if I plan to use it. The yard is spruced up, lawn is mowed, exterior lights are checked etc. I usually cook 3 days before the party and put cooked food in the freezer in sealed chafing dish pans. Empty out the coat closet, so that guests can hang their coats there or assemble a moving coat rack in side room. Clean towels etc in the powderroom. Label the powder room.

A day before the party - I will set the tables and various stations. Transfer the food in the chafing dish pans to the fridge. Put the wine and beer in the fridge.

Two hours before the party - Make a big batch of signature cocktail that can be served quickly as each guest comes, have the bowls of chips and nuts etc already out and cling-wrapped, turn all the lights on, light the chafing fuel and start the chafing dishes directly from the fridge, start the oven for warming or baking the appetizers. Have the garnishes ready for food and beverage.

When guests come - welcome them, take their coats and hang it, introductions to your family and other guests, ask them what they want to drink and give them a drink, and then let the entertaining begin. Seriously, at this point, your food is being warmed and you just need to keep an eye on it, serve the appetizers (you can serve stuff that does not even need to be served warm) and enjoy.

Once you have more that 6 people at your home, they will be busy talking to each other and things become relaxed very soon. Once people have a nice drink in them, they become more chilled and the conversation flows.

[Anonymous]

Another tip.

To make your house look spotless, dust your furniture and light fixtures, shine your mirrors, windows, glass surfaces, appliances and granite - but - do not mop the floor. Your floors will get dirty, so you might as well mop it after the party is over and you are cleaning up.

[Anonymous]

OP here - wow, these are all really helpful responses - from describing the small get together to the larger sized gathering. Thank you for the explicit detail. I think it is this detail, and especially around transitions like going from drinks to dinner and when to excuse myself to get food etc… , that I am missing in my mind and that causes me to stress. Thank you

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I find it easier to host medium groups, instead of small groups of people. Sweet spot for me is around 7 - 10 couples. I will tell you why.

- Small number of people, you will have a sit down. You have to care about placemats, table setting etc. You will keep getting up from the table to the kitchen to fetch different courses. Medium group of people, you can have buffet style dinner. You can choose to use real plates and cutlery or disposable ones. You have stations instead of courses. Appetizers, entrees and sides, desserts, beverages. Things can be very chilled.

- Small number of people, the food you serve will quickly get cold while they are eating it. Medium group of people, you can have the food piping hot in chafing dishes. In fact, you can start your chafing dishes around 2 hrs before the party with fridge cold food and it will be piping hot by dinner time.

- Small gp - hard to make sure that the guests will entertain themselves or find something in common. Md gp - They will talk to each other and usually there are 2 - 3 people who like to talk.

- Small gp - people sit in one place and do not circulate. Md gp - you will stage foods and beverages in different places and that keeps people moving and prevents one place being crowded. They will also help themselves.

- Small gp - more expensive per person to buy food and beverages. Md gp - you can get economy of scale and less wastage.

- Small gp - harder to accommodate food preferences. Md gp - easier to accommodate food preferences if you plan well.

- Small gp - people tend not to help themselves to alcohol and so you are serving them. Md gp - start with a signature cocktail that is ready to serve and a bar area, and folks will usually help themselves.

My tips for hosting any get together -

Planning - I visualize every hour of the party. How the guests will come into the house, where they will take off their coats, what drinks I will offer them, all the places they might want to sit at, different stations for booze, appetizers, dinner and dessert. And work according to that.

Cleaning and decorating - I start cleaning the house at least a couple week before the party. I usually clean and lock the rooms that we do not use very much, so that my kids don't mess it up in the interim. I will wash the table cloth, place mats, napkins etc to make sure that there are no stains on them and iron them, if I plan to use it. The yard is spruced up, lawn is mowed, exterior lights are checked etc. I usually cook 3 days before the party and put cooked food in the freezer in sealed chafing dish pans. Empty out the coat closet, so that guests can hang their coats there or assemble a moving coat rack in side room. Clean towels etc in the powderroom. Label the powder room.

A day before the party - I will set the tables and various stations. Transfer the food in the chafing dish pans to the fridge. Put the wine and beer in the fridge.

Two hours before the party - Make a big batch of signature cocktail that can be served quickly as each guest comes, have the bowls of chips and nuts etc already out and cling-wrapped, turn all the lights on, light the chafing fuel and start the chafing dishes directly from the fridge, start the oven for warming or baking the appetizers. Have the garnishes ready for food and beverage.

When guests come - welcome them, take their coats and hang it, introductions to your family and other guests, ask them what they want to drink and give them a drink, and then let the entertaining begin. Seriously, at this point, your food is being warmed and you just need to keep an eye on it, serve the appetizers (you can serve stuff that does not even need to be served warm) and enjoy.

Once you have more that 6 people at your home, they will be busy talking to each other and things become relaxed very soon. Once people have a nice drink in them, they become more chilled and the conversation flows.

[Anonymous]

If you have casual friends try a "takeout" get together. Not pizza. I love to bake, so I bake a fancy homemade dessert, but for the dinner I get a bunch of meat, buns and sides from our local BBQ place. It's still a treat, quite a great hostess offering, and far better than things we can make ourselves (these are grillmasters with special spice blends, etc.).

[Anonymous]

Plan so that you can prepare most things (if not everything) ahead of time.

Keep the menu simple, and don't underestimate the appeal of snacks and finger foods. Put out a variety of crackers, chips, nuts, cheese, spreads, charcuterie, olives, fruit, crudite, etc. And shrimp cocktail is always a hit. You can always cheat and buy it worsen ahead of time, and then put it out in a nice bowl over ice so that it looks nice.

Offer drinks right away. Keep the drink menu to beer, wine, and a signature cocktail . . . plus something nice and a little more elevated than soda for those who don't want alcohol. Make sure the bar is set up so that guests feel free to serve themselves (or even consider hiring a bartender if it's a larger party).

Find a good, upbeat, and diverse playlist and keep the music going. Place the appetizers and snacks strategically so that people are encouraged to gather where you want them to gather. If you don't want people to hang out in your kitchen, you have to actively discourage that by making them find food and drinks in another room.

Having good pre-dinner treats and drinks makes it easier for you to get dinner service ready. I like to set things up buffet style rather than serve courses, pre-plate, or pass things around the table.

Make dessert no fuss---again, finger foods are always a hit and easy to prep ahead of time. Cookies, brownie bites, chocolate truffles.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Plan so that you can prepare most things (if not everything) ahead of time.

Keep the menu simple, and don't underestimate the appeal of snacks and finger foods. Put out a variety of crackers, chips, nuts, cheese, spreads, charcuterie, olives, fruit, crudite, etc. And shrimp cocktail is always a hit. You can always cheat and buy it worsen ahead of time, and then put it out in a nice bowl over ice so that it looks nice.

Offer drinks right away. Keep the drink menu to beer, wine, and a signature cocktail . . . plus something nice and a little more elevated than soda for those who don't want alcohol. Make sure the bar is set up so that guests feel free to serve themselves (or even consider hiring a bartender if it's a larger party).

Find a good, upbeat, and diverse playlist and keep the music going. Place the appetizers and snacks strategically so that people are encouraged to gather where you want them to gather. If you don't want people to hang out in your kitchen, you have to actively discourage that by making them find food and drinks in another room.

Having good pre-dinner treats and drinks makes it easier for you to get dinner service ready. I like to set things up buffet style rather than serve courses, pre-plate, or pass things around the table.

Make dessert no fuss---again, finger foods are always a hit and easy to prep ahead of time. Cookies, brownie bites, chocolate truffles.

That should be "frozen."

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Keep the meal simple and make ahead like a lasagna, salad, bread and dessert. Buy wine ahead and set the table early.

People on DCUM have slammed those who serve lasagna to company, but I usually make the exact meal suggested by PP. I hate cooking when people come over, I prefer to be a part of things. And popping a lasagna in the oven involves zero stress. I highly suggest serving meals that can be prepped almost completely ahead of time.

[Anonymous]

Yeah, the key for me is to do everything ahead.

I also like to entertain with prepared food, which is perfectly acceptable to me even if others would clutch their pearls.

But if I'm cooking anything, it's something that can be done in advance. The most I'm doing in the hours before guests arrive is cutting up a baguette.