Help devising a “rite of passage”
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Anonymous
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A little backstory:
I am the only daughter of the only daughter of the only daughter of… etc. my great-grandmother was an extraordinary woman in her time (hardworking immigrant teacher who defied social norms etc), and she raised my grandmother to be an extraordinary woman as well. My grandmother lived an incredible and interesting life - going from being the daughter of a poor farmer in the south to a “society doyenne” of Washington who was in the political inner circle for decades. At some point in her midlife her husband (either second or third) dubbed her and her mother “those Smith women” and would refer to their “extraordinary” personalities and abilities as being related to them being “Smith Women”. (Smith is not the real name, but the real name is my grandmother’s maiden name). The moniker has been passed down through my mom and me. I now have 2 daughters (breaking with tradition!) and my husband and my dad and others who know the history will still refer to us as those Smith Women whenever we do something “particularly” strong or impressive. I’m not saying we are particularly impressive, but we are hardworking and tough and those are traits I’m hoping to instill in my daughters. Somehow my girls who are now 10 & 12 got it into their heads that in order to be come a “Smith woman” one has to undergo a rite of passage or pass some sort of test. I think my mom or my husband (who likes to mess with people for fun) said something to that effect. For whatever reason they think it happens at age 13. My eldest turns 13 next week and this morning my mom called me to say she can’t think of whatever it is that my dd has to “go through” and she asked for my help. So I am crowdsourcing for ideas. It shouldn’t be something painful (no blood oaths) or overly intricate. My mom isn’t local but will be visiting a few weeks after the bday so we could put it off until then, but I know my daughter is expecting “something”. Any ideas? I realize this seems silly and we could just say that it was all a joke but I expect my eldest will want to “keep the mystery” and the joke from her younger sister for the next 2.5 years so my mom (and I) think it would be fun to do something. Thanks for any thoughts -silly is fine (as long as it seems like something that could’ve happened in the 1930s when my grandmother turned 13…) |
Anonymous
| Write themselves a letter to read at ages 21, 50, and 75 with advice the teen thinks appropriate for those ages. |
Anonymous
| How sheltered is the older one? Can she cook dinner for the family? Can she take mass transit to get somewhere, do an errand, and come back without crying or getting lost? I'd tie the rite of passage to something involving independence or street smarts. |
Anonymous
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Set a chicken lose in the backyard and tell her she has to catch it, a la' Rocky Balboa.
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Anonymous
dp Where are they going to find a chicken in a week? I'd say cook a meal or take the metro to Smithsonian or somewhere and back. |
Anonymous
| Take her to lunch with you and your mom and tell her “the secret” that she was born, always has been and always will be a strong Smith woman and that she only ever has to be herself and that is and always will be enough. |
Anonymous
Then let her drive home. |
Anonymous
| Honestly, I'd make it less of a test and more of a celebration. Take her out to lunch or a treat, and talk to her about the strong women you admire, both in and out of your family. There's nothing she has to do to become a Smith woman, she already has what she needs inside of herself, and whatever she does with her life, you're already proud of her. |
Anonymous
16:30 here. Great minds think alike! |
Anonymous
And catch the chicken and box in a meat locker- I do like those suggestions too! |
Anonymous
| Tea at wherever people go for tea these days. Dressed to the nines. |
Anonymous
as long as it involves a montage |
Anonymous
A day trip to Philly to run up the stairs! (Seriously, though, all of these say "strong woman" more to me than "cooking a meal" or "going to tea.") |
Anonymous
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I agree with take her to lunch and tell her welcome to the club or whatever it is.
I will also gently say this sounds like a lot of pressure. Just be careful how you frame it. I agree with others. She should feel seen and accepted and loved for whoever she is and whatever qualities she brings to the table. |
Anonymous
| I would take her to lunch with you and Grandma, and challenge her to come up with a community service project that she will do during the year when she is 13. She could volunteer at a food bank, or local park clean-up days, or whatever. One long-term project, or a commitment to volunteer at X once a month, etc - something bigger than just a single day. The challenge is for her to come up with an idea, figure out how to implement it, and then follow through. It'll develop her strength of character more than any single activity. |