Kindergartener having poop accidents
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Anonymous
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For the third time in two weeks, our perfectly potty-trained kindergartener has had a poop accident at school—and didn’t tell anyone! For hours! I am absolutely shocked. He’s the kind of kid who doesn’t go to the bathroom unless it’s an EMERGENCY no matter how much we tell him to, but the actual act of soiling himself is new. He was in an all-day Pre-K program before this.
He’s extremely stubborn, so he claims he likes the feeling. We made him wash his underwear in the sink (under our supervision) the second and third time to teach him that this is not without consequences. It turns out that before he pooped in his pants today, he also had a pee accident because we found a wet pair of pants in his backpack. He initially lied to us, saying that a kid pushed him into a puddle so he had to change pants, but the smell told us everything we needed to know. I’m worried he has some physical or mental issue happening, but his doctor’s office doesn’t have any appointments available until November. I firmly believe that he has ADHD (it runs in my family), but my husband thinks he’s just lazy and doesn’t want to prioritize using the bathroom. I need to contact his teachers to see if they can force him to go, but with so many kids in his class, I don’t know how that is going to happen. I so am frustrated by the lack of doctor’s appointments available and the lack of support from my husband in figuring out what’s going on. This is a vent, but if you have suggestions, please, please, please tell me. What resources to schools have for his if it isn’t physical? Can I go to urgent care to get him seen? Help! |
Anonymous
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My kid has adhd and has always ignored her bodies signals and had accidents long after it was age appropriate. Even now at almost she gets defiant about going when it’s obvious she needs to (farting up a storm.) She actually has less issues in preschool because they took all the kids on a regular schedule.
Some thoughts for you: - adhd diagnosis will take a while and this is just one data point. - what’s wrong with the daycare that they didn’t notice this for hours? How did they not smell it? We’re they outdoors? - could he be constipated? Consider prunes or fiber. - consider some kid of outside timer to prompt him to go to reduce the tension between kid and parent. Best of luck. This sucks. I know. |
Anonymous
Pp here. Should have said my kid is almost 10. |
Anonymous
| Also urgent care is for ear infections, sore throats and sprained ankles. I totally understand your distress but this will not have a quick fix. It’s likely behavioral and therefore a much much longer road. Sorry if that stresses you out. But it could relieve some of the pressure you’re putting on yourself to resolve this quickly. |
Anonymous
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This is OP responding to PP:
- adhd diagnosis will take a while and this is just one data point. There are other data points. It is so hard to get into a doctor to diagnose ADHD and his pediatrician doesn’t seem to want to deal with it, even though I brought it up at his 4 and 5 YO appointments. She isn’t much a resource but it’s IMPOSSIBLE to find another practice. - what’s wrong with the daycare that they didn’t notice this for hours? How did they not smell it? We’re they outdoors? He’s in kindergarten and an after school program, not daycare. I don’t know why his teachers and caregivers don’t smell it. It was obvious to me when I picked him up. - could he be constipated? Consider prunes or fiber. He could be, but I can’t get in to a doctor for help. He says he pooped around 3, when he arrived at aftercare, and then he pooped in the toilet around 7. - consider some kid of outside timer to prompt him to go to reduce the tension between kid and parent. He doesn’t have accidents when he’s at home with us. He just runs to the toilet for an emergency poop. The accidents are happening when he get up to go IMMEDIATELY. I can’t help him when I’m not around. |
Anonymous
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Pediatricians won’t diagnose adhd especially in this age group. You’d need a developmental pediatrician or a neuropsych test from a legitimate outfit. This is less accurate when they are not yet reading. Meaning that the test can’t tell yet if he has other problems like dyslexia/language processing issues. Still worth doing but you’ll need to test again in two years for sure. It’s expensive and the wait lists are long. We are talking like $4k and a 3 month wait. Even if you start calling now and pay privately you may not be able to be able to get testing for months. Testing with insurance is even more difficult to acquire and a longer wait.
Hang in there. Make some calls on Monday. Including to his teacher to see if they’re observing the same issues you see at home. You’re not going to solve this tonight. I’ve been in your shoes. It’s rough. |
Anonymous
| To determine if it’s constipation you have to consider the quality of the poop. One big massive ball that was hard to pass? Lots of little pebbles? You can read up on encopresis if you want to fall down another internet rabbit hall. Miralax can help. |
Anonymous
I have been reading at encopresis, which is why I want to take him to a doctor. If it’s not that, then we know we have a longer road to go down with evaluations. |
Anonymous
| I’d read about encopresis and see if it resonates with you and your situation. It took us years to unwind and it’s not that easily resolved without a pediatric GI doc involved, so it’s worth exploring. |
Anonymous
| PP again - just wanted to mention that our regular pediatrician totally missed the encopresis diagnosis and it took about 20 seconds for the specialist to confirm the issue. |
Anonymous
Can you recommend the doctor or practice? |
Anonymous
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Neuropsych
It takes a few mingvs to get an appt so make it now and yiu can always cancel if your concerns are resolved. |
Anonymous
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I was diagnosed with ADHD as an adult and highly suspect my oldest has it as well. My ADHD kid is, as I was, a model student. He sits in his seat, does his work, and is not impulsive. He did however have we accidents 4-5 times in K and several times at extended day in 2nd. I also had pee accidents late into elementary - especially when laughing- and it made my mom glare at me anytime I was being silly with friends. I still have a lot of shame around constantly being told I was lazy, stubborn, sneaky and a liar. As an adult it is hard for me to laugh and have fun in a group. My likely ADHD kid seemingly has no sense of his body - he is clumsy, we have to tell him to go to the bathroom when he is squirming, he doesn’t recognize hunger, when he feels sick he can’t tell you what hurts. If he runs into a room crying you don’t know if you are looking for a stubbed toe or he is about to vomit.
He’s also very stubborn and extremely sensitive to what he perceives as criticism or correction. I have another kid who likely does not have ADHD and he just started K. It has reminded us how exhausting kindergarten is, even after full day preschool. Here’s what works for my older kid - vitamins with iron, omega 3 fatty acid supplement, strenuous exercise in the morning before school (scooter or bike for 15 min), high protein breakfast, earlier bed time. I also talk him through issues like the accidents and I ask him to help me come up with a plan to prevent it. Here is an example of a similar plan. When he was in preschool he would have poop accidents at recess. It took a while, but I figured out he would just go standby the teacher and not say anything. I told him he needed to tell her he needed to go potty. So he started going to the teacher and saying “I want to go inside” and she would tell him “yes, we will all go in in a few min”. We literally had to role play with him at home to teach him exactly what to say. |
Anonymous
PP, this is super helpful. Did you also do outreach to his teachers to let them know about the situation? |
Anonymous
| Omg OP, way to humiliate your child by making him wash the poop out. Trash the $3 underwear and work with a pediatrician. You suck. |