Is it common to hoard teachers/tutors in this area?

[Anonymous]

We moved to the DMV area recently and I've been asking for all kinds of referrals on our local moms' Facebook groups.

I was looking for a specific type of tutor/teacher for my kid, saw someone else had just asked the same question, and DMd a mom who had offered to share her teacher's contact. She responded to me saying, "Sorry, I can only share our teacher's info with my friends. The woman who posted was a friend, so I offered to give it to her but not to you."

For context, this is music lessons for elementary school kids, not some exclusive academic / college prep service.

We've moved around a lot, so I am frequently asking for referrals, and never, ever heard of something like this. What gives?

[Anonymous]

She's weird.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:We moved to the DMV area recently and I've been asking for all kinds of referrals on our local moms' Facebook groups.

I was looking for a specific type of tutor/teacher for my kid, saw someone else had just asked the same question, and DMd a mom who had offered to share her teacher's contact. She responded to me saying, "Sorry, I can only share our teacher's info with my friends. The woman who posted was a friend, so I offered to give it to her but not to you."

For context, this is music lessons for elementary school kids, not some exclusive academic / college prep service.

We've moved around a lot, so I am frequently asking for referrals, and never, ever heard of something like this. What gives?

Call me maybe

[Anonymous]

It’s possible the teacher has asked for her contact info not to be given out indiscriminately.
My niece has an abusive ex who would totally pull trying to get info on her this way.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:It’s possible the teacher has asked for her contact info not to be given out indiscriminately.
My niece has an abusive ex who would totally pull trying to get info on her this way.

This would be my thought too. Most people don’t want their name and phone number plastered all over Facebook.

[Anonymous]

Sure , it’s resource guarding, and happens in parent groups as much as it does is feral dogs and rats. If a good teacher’s contact information gets out to the general public, it gets harder and more expensive to book sessions, not to mention they’re just not such a Special secret any more.

As far as giving info to friends, you could maybe ask if the person would give your info to the teacher if they are uncomfortable giving out the teachers credentials without their permission, but I don’t think that’s the case.

[Anonymous]

And OP good luck on anyone sharing their babysitter information

[Anonymous]

This is totally a thing. People are coy about everything as if I will swoop in, take their people, have better looking hair than them at a more convenient appointment time, and then my kid will get chosen for the last spot on the 2040 Olympic team and their kid will just be an alternate because they were dumb enough to give me the signup link for the next gymnastics session.

It has happened to me when I asked others for help with:

-hair stylist
-hair colorist
-kids’ music lessons
-contractors
-pest guy (as if there aren’t enough rats to go around?!)
-soccer team registration dates
-t-ball team sign-up deadline, which was somehow different than the individual deadline
-volunteering signups at school

My kids’ hair stylist jokes that I have sent half my kids’ school to her, but I literally have! I think that the only way to have a nice, cohesive community is to share.

[Anonymous]

My oldest is 6 and we’ve never found a reliable babysitter!!

[Anonymous]

I explicitly ask my clients not to share my contact information on Facebook/parenting groups. The one time someone shared my info on Facebook, I had dozens of people contact me and it led to zero actual clients, but wasted at least a dozen hours of my time. So many people who were really flaky or were "outraged" at my market-rate prices. I don't want to deal with that again, I am referral only and those referrals must be vetted.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:This is totally a thing. People are coy about everything as if I will swoop in, take their people, have better looking hair than them at a more convenient appointment time, and then my kid will get chosen for the last spot on the 2040 Olympic team and their kid will just be an alternate because they were dumb enough to give me the signup link for the next gymnastics session.

It has happened to me when I asked others for help with:

-hair stylist
-hair colorist
-kids’ music lessons
-contractors
-pest guy (as if there aren’t enough rats to go around?!)
-soccer team registration dates
-t-ball team sign-up deadline, which was somehow different than the individual deadline
-volunteering signups at school

My kids’ hair stylist jokes that I have sent half my kids’ school to her, but I literally have! I think that the only way to have a nice, cohesive community is to share.

Thank you!! I thought I was crazy thinking this was happening to me but now I feel better. I'm not from such a competitive culture and it makes no sense to me.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I explicitly ask my clients not to share my contact information on Facebook/parenting groups. The one time someone shared my info on Facebook, I had dozens of people contact me and it led to zero actual clients, but wasted at least a dozen hours of my time. So many people who were really flaky or were "outraged" at my market-rate prices. I don't want to deal with that again, I am referral only and those referrals must be vetted.

This is a good perspective. I’ve been in NoVA since 1994 and I’ve never seen the kind of stinginess about information that OP describes. But I can see a rational non-competitive reason not to share a teacher or tutor’s info on FB.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I explicitly ask my clients not to share my contact information on Facebook/parenting groups. The one time someone shared my info on Facebook, I had dozens of people contact me and it led to zero actual clients, but wasted at least a dozen hours of my time. So many people who were really flaky or were "outraged" at my market-rate prices. I don't want to deal with that again, I am referral only and those referrals must be vetted.

This is a good perspective. I’ve been in NoVA since 1994 and I’ve never seen the kind of stinginess about information that OP describes. But I can see a rational non-competitive reason not to share a teacher or tutor’s info on FB.

+1 I grew up here and now am raising kids here and I’ve never seen this. I’m in Arlington and our neighborhood mom board is constantly crazy with recommendations for everything under the sun - tutors, music lessons, etc. A recent post asking for piano teachers had like 8 responses. So this reasoning makes more sense. Or the lady is just a bit weird.

[Anonymous]

I am a personal trainer who works in my clients' homes. I work on personal recommendations only. I do not go to friends of friends. Only to immediate friends of well-known clients.

I get where the teacher is coming from.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:It’s possible the teacher has asked for her contact info not to be given out indiscriminately.
My niece has an abusive ex who would totally pull trying to get info on her this way.

It’s this (though not always abusive exes I hope). The really good providers we have for classes have had an incredible amount of abuse from parents over the last three years INSISTING they do X or Y for their precious Larla. They’re burned out. So ours ask that I only refer them to parents I know are not psycho. Sometimes they have me bring a friend to one of my daughters classes first to see if she has good chemistry with the other parents before agreeing to accept a new student.

The other thing is, some parents are paying a lot less for some of these things than the number the teacher will quote an unknown quantity. The teacher needs to know she can trust the parents discretion not to say they’re paying $60 while the new parents pay $150