How to determine if the frienship is authentic from wealthy people?

[Anonymous]

My 18 years old college freshman DS's dorm roommate is from a super wealthy family.  The roommate, according to my DS,  has a 2022 Porsche 911 Targa 4 on campus.  The dorm room is filled with expensive gadgets.  My DS is on a 50% athletic scholarship and is a music major.   We're a family of two Fed workers.

The roommate really likes to hang out with DS because DS is an athlete and popular with girls.  He always picks up the check whenever they go out and he even lets DS borrow his Porsche.  Last week, he invited DS to his parents' vacation home for a party in Florida and they flew on a chartered jet.  DS said that he had neve met so many rich people.

I told DS that he should be careful because rich people always want something from you.  The roommate wants to hang out with DS because he is an athlete and is popular with girls and that might be something the roommate wants to like like my DS.  Or the roommate is just genuinely a nice person. 

thoughts?

[Anonymous]

Are you a troll?

Don't you think the common perception is that the shoe is on the other foot. Ie, that wealthy people always fear that their friends are only there for their money?

Here's the truth: people always want something from you. Maybe it's straight-up money, if you have it and they don't. Maybe it's companionship, because they like your company. Maybe it's love. Maybe it's attention or drama. Maybe it's because you're better are making friends or attracting people from the other sex than they are, and they benefit from that.

Tell you kid to be a good friend, and try to network and possibly make contacts in view of a nice internship later on.

[Anonymous]

Your kid hit the social network jackpot. It sounds like the rich kid genuinely likes your son. The question for your son: does he enjoy hanging out with the rich kid, even if there was no money or fancy trips involved?

My big concern is that your son would get distracted by partying and mess up his scholarship eligibility. Or go into credit card debt trying to "keep up" with the rich kid.

Those are the conversations you need to have with your son.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Are you a troll?

Don't you think the common perception is that the shoe is on the other foot. Ie, that wealthy people always fear that their friends are only there for their money?

Here's the truth: people always want something from you. Maybe it's straight-up money, if you have it and they don't. Maybe it's companionship, because they like your company. Maybe it's love. Maybe it's attention or drama. Maybe it's because you're better are making friends or attracting people from the other sex than they are, and they benefit from that.

Tell you kid to be a good friend, and try to network and possibly make contacts in view of a nice internship later on.

Oh my gosh, and tell him to figure out how he’s going to turn his music major into a career so he doesn’t have “wealth regrets” later in life. What’s his job plan after graduation? Hopefully networking in that strata can open his eyes a bit to different job opportunities. Congrats on the sports scholarship! That’s really cool and I bet fulfilling.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Your kid hit the social network jackpot. It sounds like the rich kid genuinely likes your son. The question for your son: does he enjoy hanging out with the rich kid, even if there was no money or fancy trips involved?

My big concern is that your son would get distracted by partying and mess up his scholarship eligibility. Or go into credit card debt trying to "keep up" with the rich kid.

Those are the conversations you need to have with your son.

The idea that you think the wealthy kid is using your kid is absolutely bananas.

My biggest concern in addition to PP's good point about distraction is that this roommate may or may not be one of the spoiled kids who never had to deal with the consequences of their actions, like the kid who plead "affluenza" as a defense. And it raises so many questions about inequality and wealth. There is so much more to think about here than "my kid is a popular jock who gets lots of girls."

[Anonymous]

The wealthy kid pays for your son's outings, takes him on expensive trips by private jet, and you suspect he wants something from your son? The rich friend should learn that no good deed goes unpunished.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I told DS that he should be careful because rich people always want something from you.  The roommate wants to hang out with DS because he is an athlete and is popular with girls and that might be something the roommate wants to like like my DS.  Or the roommate is just genuinely a nice person. 

thoughts?

lol

What a weird perspective. I mean, hell, I'm a socialist/leftist and even I wouldn't default to that thought. You really think the 18yo with cartered jet flights needs your son's help getting laid?

[Anonymous]

Tell your son to NEVER hold drugs for the rich kid.

The rich kid will blame shift any legal issues onto the athlete on a scholarship. If the cops are ever involved, the rich kid will hang your son out to dry. Seen it a million times before.

Whenever the drugs come out, your son needs to excuse himself.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Tell your son to NEVER hold drugs for the rich kid.

The rich kid will blame shift any legal issues onto the athlete on a scholarship. If the cops are ever involved, the rich kid will hang your son out to dry. Seen it a million times before.

Whenever the drugs come out, your son needs to excuse himself.

Yeah the only bad thing I can imagine a rich kid wanting out of a regular-income kid is to be the fall guy.

I dunno, maybe I'm a Pollyanna but I encourage my kids to assume the best of people unless given a reason not to.

[Anonymous]

There’s flashy fake rich people that think they’re rich and show off to make other people think they’re rich. And then there’s actual rich people. The ones that actually have money rarely show it or speak about it and rarely need anything from you.

“Rich boy” sounds like an accident waiting to happen.

[Anonymous]

I had a friend like this in college...his father was the CEO of a household brand we all know. We are still friends 20+ years later. I always worried the friend would wonder if I was using him for primo concert & sporting experiences, which I couldn't offer in return. I think at the end of the day my friend knew he was extremely rich and he wanted to enjoy these experiences with friends, recognizing they couldn't necessarily afford it unless it was his treat. He didn't expect anything in return except to be included and respected. His parents were so nice, just a really great family.

Your son just needs to be a good and honest friend and expect the same in return from his roommate. It is a two way street.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I told DS that he should be careful because rich people always want something from you.  The roommate wants to hang out with DS because he is an athlete and is popular with girls and that might be something the roommate wants to like like my DS.  Or the roommate is just genuinely a nice person. 

thoughts?

lol

What a weird perspective. I mean, hell, I'm a socialist/leftist and even I wouldn't default to that thought. You really think the 18yo with cartered jet flights needs your son's help getting laid?

Hell yes. Lot of people with money want to be athletes but can’t.

[Anonymous]

The two things I would tell my kid to watch out for is
(1) any kind of illegal or unethical activity. The consequences of that are going to fall MUCH harder on the non-wealthy kid.
(2) the power/entitlement imbalance. Some wealthy people are so used to getting what they want and having people do what they want that they get upset if you tell them no or push back on anything. Make sure that your son knows that he can, and should, speak up and speak his mind, and not just be a yes-man just because the kid has money. Make sure that the rich kid wants a friend, not just a mascot and that he doesn't think your kid owes him something for the money he spends.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My 18 years old college freshman DS's dorm roommate is from a super wealthy family.  The roommate, according to my DS,  has a 2022 Porsche 911 Targa 4 on campus.  The dorm room is filled with expensive gadgets.  My DS is on a 50% athletic scholarship and is a music major.   We're a family of two Fed workers.

The roommate really likes to hang out with DS because DS is an athlete and popular with girls.  He always picks up the check whenever they go out and he even lets DS borrow his Porsche.  Last week, he invited DS to his parents' vacation home for a party in Florida and they flew on a chartered jet.  DS said that he had neve met so many rich people.

I told DS that he should be careful because rich people always want something from you.  The roommate wants to hang out with DS because he is an athlete and is popular with girls and that might be something the roommate wants to like like my DS.  Or the roommate is just genuinely a nice person. 

thoughts?

What is your HHI? Some people may think you are rich. It is all relative.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:The two things I would tell my kid to watch out for is
(1) any kind of illegal or unethical activity. The consequences of that are going to fall MUCH harder on the non-wealthy kid.
(2) the power/entitlement imbalance. Some wealthy people are so used to getting what they want and having people do what they want that they get upset if you tell them no or push back on anything. Make sure that your son knows that he can, and should, speak up and speak his mind, and not just be a yes-man just because the kid has money. Make sure that the rich kid wants a friend, not just a mascot and that he doesn't think your kid owes him something for the money he spends.

Getting caught in something illegal was meant first thought. The second point sounds reasonable also.