secretly rooting against the lucky ones

[Anonymous]

ive had such a rough 4 years with losses and conceiving that i find myself rooting against the women i know who share their good news. my first thought is ussually something like "she'll lose it or she probably should." when will that go away? its totally wrong and i dont say it out loud but im totally thinking it. terrible, i know.

[Anonymous]

I know it's terrible, but in some ways I think its also a natural reflex. I ran into an old friend at a work conference about a month after I had a m/c and before I could even say "hi" she told me she was 5 weeks pregnant. I immediately started crying--- it was awful. I didn't wish or hope that she would lose her baby, but I did think condescendingly, "best be careful who you share that news with since you are so early along." She ended up losing her baby at 20 weeks -- and she actually had to go through labor, giving birth, etc. It was awful (the baby lived for a few minutes). I'm a big believer in karma, so really just try to think happier thoughts and tell yourself you will be pregnant someday and need all the good conceiving/baby vibes you can get (and would hate for someone to think you should lose your baby!).

[Anonymous]

I feel badly, but sometimes I feel that way too. It's definitely not with everyone, though. There are all sorts of people I feel happy for. The ones that trigger me are the friends/colleagues who tend to braggy and smug by nature -- not just about pregnancy but about other things in life, too.

It's unpleasant, and I don't like it when I feel that way. But I think it's pretty normal. Thanks for raising the issue. It's oddly helpful to hear others feel the same way sometimes.

[Anonymous]

Here is the thing that I will say, you don't know what your friend or friends journey was to get to that point. How do you know they didn't have some rough hurdles to overcome too? I feel badly for your struggles OP and I think a lot more women than would admit feel the same way as you. Really I applaud you for being able to admit, even if only on an anonymous board that you feel this way.
I have an older cousin that lost a baby at 22 weeks last summer, same story as above, had to deliver and baby lived a few minutes. Now I feel she resents that I am pregnant. All be it she doesn't know what it took to get us here.

[Anonymous]

Its human so don't beat yourself on it. I do this all the time on anything related to my family. Its why I go to church and ask for forgiveness.

[Anonymous]

I know it feels unfair, but one thing I used to tell myself when I was feeling like you are and secretly "rooting against" other women (which I did more than I care to admit) was that "it's not like she got the last baby, so now there's not one left for me." There's not a limited number of babies to go around. Someone else getting pregnant isn't hurting my chances; it just has nothing to do with me. Sometimes you want to scream "why is everyone pregnant except me?" but if you try to change your perspective and think that every cycle, you are just one cycle closer to success, I think it helps.

[Anonymous]

I totally understand where you're coming from. As awful as it is, I naturally feel a bit resentful when I hear my friends and co-workers gush about how 'easy' it all is. I try to be happy for them, as I would wish people to be happy for me, but I think it's just natural to feel a little cheated when it feels like such an awful struggle to us.