Getting older question

[Anonymous]

This might sound strange but as I was in my 20's, 30's and in the workplace pushing along I felt like I was playing a workplace role. I would assume certain norms and strive for one thing or another. Now as a mom, I feel like I haven't changed much in some ways, inside I'm still the same. I'm older a bit wiser/jaded but inside I'm still the same. Is this weird? I thought when you got older you turned in to this better, different version of yourself. Is that not true?

[Anonymous]

I don't think it's weird. I also think it makes sense that personalities remain sort of stable...

[Anonymous]

I feel imposter syndrome at adult parties. Like I'm a teenager talking to the grownups.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:This might sound strange but as I was in my 20's, 30's and in the workplace pushing along I felt like I was playing a workplace role. I would assume certain norms and strive for one thing or another. Now as a mom, I feel like I haven't changed much in some ways, inside I'm still the same. I'm older a bit wiser/jaded but inside I'm still the same. Is this weird? I thought when you got older you turned in to this better, different version of yourself. Is that not true?

I know too many bitter kind of nasty 60 somethings. It's like life didn't pan out like they expected so they become less nice. People who seemed like great people over the decades have tremendous problems with jealousy. They take their unhappiness out on their friends and anyone who seems to have a little more.

[Anonymous]

I’m in my mid-40s and feel like I’m the exact same inside as I was when I was 16. I didn’t feel that way in my 20s and 30s. I was busy with work and small children and there seemed to be so much possibility in front of me. But lately I feel like I’m not so much regressing as settling back into this original version of myself.

[Anonymous]

I think personality is more changeable than that. But perhaps it takes an inciting event to change you?

One major change my personality has made in the last 20 years is that I am far less judgmental than I used to be. I have a lot of empathy for different kinds of people and different kinds of problems people might have, even people who are unpleasant to me or do things that harm me. I don't just tolerate mistreatment, but I have a much deeper understanding of what causes this kind of behavior. This has helped make me a more resilient person, and to be less offended by hurtful behavior from others. I'm not a total Pollyanna, but I recognize now that a lot of people who do hurtful things are acting out of impulse or their own hurt or insecurity, and that helps me to let things roll off a little easier. Definitely didn't have that ability 10 or 20 years ago.

Another major change that I notice when I visit my family is that I used to be a really sarcastic person (and my family largely still is) but I've all but eliminated sarcasm from my repertoire. I see now that it's a protective reflex, a way of keeping emotional distance from feelings like sadness or anger that can sometimes be uncomfortable to just sit with. Now I just sit with them. But I wasn't raised to do that and it took a lot of work on myself to get to that point. Now I find sarcasm really unpleasant and will distance myself from someone who uses it a lot. Whereas 20 years ago I would have gravitated towards someone like this.

I think the biggest reasons these changes happened is that I had a few very challenging things happen in my life in my 30s and it caused me to re-evaluate how I approached other people and the world at large.

[Anonymous]

My dad used to say to me that you always feel 18 inside. 40 now and he's right!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I feel imposter syndrome at adult parties. Like I'm a teenager talking to the grownups.

Me too. And a lot of the people in their 60s and 70s ( I am on my 60s): remind me of my parent's friends, who, of course, are all gone now. I just don't relate. It is a weird time of life.

[Anonymous]

I'm in my late 50s and I definitely don't feel 18 or 25 inside. I would say I feel early 30s. Gonna be weird in a few years when I'm retired and I still feel the same inside as when my career was just starting out.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I'm in my late 50s and I definitely don't feel 18 or 25 inside. I would say I feel early 30s. Gonna be weird in a few years when I'm retired and I still feel the same inside as when my career was just starting out.

I feel like I'm about 42, but I'm 65. It's a huge perception problem for me watching everyone else perceive my age, which to them is old. That number on paper always shocks me.

[Anonymous]

I used to be a really sarcastic person (and my family largely still is) but I've all but eliminated sarcasm from my repertoire

PP, NP here. I can really relate to this. I grew up thinking my family was very funny. Everyone believes they have a great sense of humor. I still think everyone does but I have worked hard to eliminate sarcasm from my language. Especially when you don't see people often and as people age, sarcasm becomes such a slippery slope. I notice old/older people around me and sarcasm is never a good look, imo.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I'm in my late 50s and I definitely don't feel 18 or 25 inside. I would say I feel early 30s. Gonna be weird in a few years when I'm retired and I still feel the same inside as when my career was just starting out.

I feel like I'm about 42, but I'm 65. It's a huge perception problem for me watching everyone else perceive my age, which to them is old. That number on paper always shocks me.

When I was 18, I considered "old" to be age 22.
When I was 25, I considered "old" to be age 35.
When I was 35, I considered "old" to be age 45.
When I was 45, I considered "old" to be age 55.
When I was 55, I considered "old" to be age 65.

I'm sure you see the pattern.

My dad is 90 and he said he didn't feel "old" until his late 80s. Wonder if that'll be true for me too.

[Anonymous]

People rarely change. And when they do, it's with great effort. So yeah, feel like a 65 year old with a 25 year olds mind. To the person who mentioned others getting bitter and jealous as they age. For me, it was somewhat the opposite. Saw those who seemingly had it all fall apart for a variety of reasons. And it made me realize maybe my life didn't turn out badly after all.....