My sister has serious mental issues

[Anonymous]

My sister is sixty and on her second marriage. Unfortunately she has had alcohol and mental illness issues for years. She is VERY good looking and through great plastic surgery looks much younger.

Her second husband is a SAINT. He had no idea what he was in for. He is wealthy and caring. He told me unless she goes into psychiatric care he is going to leave her. I'm tried of her late night phone calls and her refusing to get help. My parents are elderly and I have young kids I need to care for. Plus a demanding job and a husband that works long hours.

I feel guilty cutting her off.

I guess I need to say it's OK to let her hit rock bottom.

[Anonymous]

Are you in a position to urge her to get psychiatric help? Your best bet for not having to deal with her is to have her remain married to this man.

[Anonymous]

Why do you think she refuses to get help?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Why do you think she refuses to get help?

She cannot not deal with how she messed up her adult children from her first marriage. They want nothing to do with her. And truthfully I don't blame them.

[Anonymous]

Go to AL Anon meetings. There you will find support - for your own serenity and ability to detach from her drama (with love!). Not your problem.

[Anonymous]

What does her looks have to do with her mental issues?

[Anonymous]

OP, my sister is very similar, though she’s younger than your sister. I draw boundaries not because I think hitting rock bottom is helpful for her (there’s no research to support that), but because my family and my own health come before hers.

I’ve offered help in the past in the form of contacts for mental health resources. She’s been in various forms of treatment too many times to count. I’m not living with her, I’m not driving her to treatment, I’m not financially supporting her, etc. You can offer what limited help you can, if you want to, but don’t feel guilty at all for prioritizing your spouse and children (and elderly parents) over her. Again, not because she should hit rock bottom or because she doesn’t deserve help, but because you can’t be her savior.

[Anonymous]

Borderline Personality.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:What does her looks have to do with her mental issues?

Well that is obviously how she found her second husband. Hot and crazy women meet rich men. This is not NEW news. Rich men seek out those that are NOT like their wives. The wives know their place. Raise great kids, they know how to dress the family. Cocktail parties, country club, private school act..

We rarely divorce but when we do we get more than half.

Has ha. Jokes on him.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Go to AL Anon meetings. There you will find support - for your own serenity and ability to detach from her drama (with love!). Not your problem.

People like this are the unraveling of our society. Yes, it is her problem. It's her SISTER. If your own sister isn't your problem, who is -- other than you?

OP, why do you have to do anything? Just talk to her when you can and don't answer the phone when you can't. Be supportive when you have it in you, and don't when you don't.