extreme potty regression 3.5 year old

[Anonymous]

My sweet 3.5 year old had been potty trained since this February. We were away for most of the summer, in a few different places, and there were a few accidents, but nothing major. We didn’t have a potty at one of the houses, so he used older child’s insert on the toilet and that worked fine. So when we came back to DC in the middle of the summer, we tried no potty, just the insert, and that went well. The after that, we did a family vacation and there was a potty there, so he used it.

When we came back for good, I didn’t put the potty out because we had had that two week interlude at our house where he successfully used the insert when he needed to go. After a week of being home and seeing accidents, we asked him if he wanted the potty back out and said yes. I hoped that would help, but the frequency of accidents increased. He pooped in his pants twice today, pees in his pants all the time. his teachers at school say he’s fine there. We try to have him sit on the insert or the potty regularly, and before we leave the house, and he has big tantrums in reaction to being told he has to sit on the potty. We are at the point where he is experiencing natural consequences of the accidents that sting — for example, not being able to go to a party at the same time as older sibling, b/c he had to stay home and have a bath. But it doesn’t seem to be affecting his motivation to not go to the bathroom in his clothes. When he goes, he doesn’t tell us; we can either see it or smell it. It feels like we are back to having a baby who has no control over his bodily functions.

His school and teacher and classmates are the same as last year.

In typing this out, I am realizing that maybe we moved away from the potty too soon. If you have experience with this, how long do you think it will take to re-potty train him? We are planning on staying home and him having no clothes on tomorrow.

[Anonymous]

My son, who potty trained at 3.5, went through a regression when he began camp this summer at 3.75. Tons and tons of accidents, but according to his camp counselor, was perfect at camp. It was frustrating but the doctor thought it was the transition to a longer day and being tired when he got home, etc. we started asking him every ten minutes if he had to go to the bathroom and accompanying him. Who knows what the issue was… but this too shall pass.

[Anonymous]

Not much help but I’d suggest giving other options. Let him stand up to pee; you could get a kiddie urinal. You might try a ladder-style insert. Offering different options than what he has now may interest him to be more consistent. Otherwise keep
up with the incentives, the consequences (add making him clean up messes, help scrub clothing, put dirty clothes in wash etc), and making him sit and try at intervals.

Not a medical professional, but this seems like anxiety or a behavioral issue rather than a physical issue. I would talk to his pediatrician and ask for a referral to a behavioral pediatrician. To me there’s a difference between an almost 4yo child having an accident and being uncomfortable, embarrassed, and remorseful and an almost 4yo child having an accident and being fine to sit in his own waste without telling a grownup he has pooped himself.

[Anonymous]

^ This. Is he neurotypical? Behavior of not wanting or needing to change out of soiled clothing is alarming if he is not delayed at his age.

[Anonymous]

We dealt with a lot of anxiety- related toileting issues with DS. I don’t have much advice because my sons toilet issues were different from yours, but after a trip out of town when he was about 3.5 he redeveloped a fear of the toilet (terrified of the toilet, tantrums when we tried to get him to go). For a few days he ran outside to pee on a tree in our backyard. Luckily he was able to get back to the toilet after a few days but the tree helped him transition.

We also went to a psychiatrist to help us and we had a lot of luck with breaking things down into tiny goals, giving a sticker every time they do the small goal, and then after getting a certain number of stickers they get a reward (out for ice cream, screen time, etc). And then you move to the next goal and repeat. The trick is to really break the intended end result (going to the bathroom in the toilet every time) into really small goals. Look up a bravery ladder - you want to stretch them to do something they’re sort of scared to do so they feel brave, but not so scary that it’s impossible to be that brave.

[Anonymous]

Take a break for a little bit and go back to diapers. Tell him when he is ready to try the potty again he can wear big kid underwear. Have him tell you when he needs a clean diaper and make him bring you one. He can throw away his diaper when he is done.

[Anonymous]

Have you talked to your child’s doctor? It feels there’s something else going on physically or mentally here.

[Anonymous]

My kid had a short regression at age 4 when going to preschool. She had frequent accidents at home but not at school. She was just very busy at school and forgetting to go to the bathroom, so getting home really having to pee but she’d been holding it in so long that she’d forgotten she was and would tell me she didn’t need to go.

We asked the teachers to *make sure* she used the potty after lunch every day, no matter what. We also made sure she went in the morning before she left the house (even if she’d gone when she woke up, we’d have her go again to make sure her bladder was empty). They had to prompt her every day for about a week but after that she’d self-initiate and going to the bathroom at school became part of her routine again. And then she was fine.

Even if he was in this school last year, transitions are hugely disruptive for kids this age when it comes to potty training and between all the travel and then return to school your don probably does not have any set routines around using the bathroom at school. Getting him into the habit of using the potty around the same times every day will solve this problem and keep it from happening again. I was so stressed when my 4 yo started regressing but it turned out to just be a habit issue. Some kids really need to routine.