I'm a mom with executive functioning challenges: what can I do to help my kid with HFA, ADHD?

[Anonymous]

My kid has HFA and ADHD, and it's possible that I have ADHD inattentive type. I'm not the best at organization or the like. I've hobbled through life, though.

Are there any resources you would recommend for people like me? I've been told that the best way I can help my kid is through modeling and creating organization and structure, but how do I do that?

[Anonymous]

It’s not too late to get treatment for yourself. I’m medicated now at age 40 and it’s been life changing.

[Anonymous]

OP here. I sort of don't want to be on medication. I worry about high blood pressure, etc. I'm significantly overweight.

At this point, just thinking about behavioral interventions. Ty!

[Anonymous]

This is the question, right?

You should look at medication again. I know that isn't what you are looking for on this board, but symptoms of ADHD themselves can cause high blood pressure and other medical problems too. If your ADHD is under control you can have an easier time managing your lifestyle habits.

But other than that:

I outsource structure. I sign my kids up for activities and they go to camps when not in school. That helps provide them structure and I am good at getting places on time if there is something scheduled.

I watch lots and lots of YouTube videos about ADHD, both geared toward individuals with ADHD and toward parents of kids with ADHD. Just having the constant advice and more information about the condition motivates me to keep trying and I get better ideas.

A lot of the struggles with ADHD are emotional. It's very important for parents to learn how to stay calm in all situations. That has been difficult (and I'm still working on it) but my executive function difficulties aren't what makes it hard so parents with ADHD should still be able to do it.

Also I have just gotten way better at things. I used to be the hot mess mom, always forgetting something, frequently late, pretty unreliable, etc. I still struggle but it has gotten much better. Practice practice practice!

[Anonymous]

Why not get a family executive function coach? One who can help your kid understand how to organize school life and homework, and who will also wok with you to establish supportive family routines.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP here. I sort of don't want to be on medication. I worry about high blood pressure, etc. I'm significantly overweight.

At this point, just thinking about behavioral interventions. Ty!

I’d really encourage you to see a psychiatrist who specializes in ADHD and talk through medication pros and cons. There are a wide variety and some may fit your medical profiles. You don’t have to use medication, but at least make that decision after being fully informed. Also, you can try medication and ultimately decide not to take it or to take it only at certain times.

I eschewed medication for my DC until HS, thinking that we should try non-medical interventions first. by high school it became clear that those were not working well enough. DC tried medication and it was really helpful. I don’t think it’s a reasonable expectation to manage ADHD without medication the difference was so significant. And being medicated allow DC to be able to access and utilize some of the skills he learned in therapy and with an executive function coach and tutor.

[Anonymous]

Get a planner, get into a routine and develop habits that you commit to everyday. Also, if you're overweight, why not make one of the daily habits a good long walk with your child. It will help both of you.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Get a planner, get into a routine and develop habits that you commit to everyday. Also, if you're overweight, why not make one of the daily habits a good long walk with your child. It will help both of you.

Hahaha no. This is the exact advice that people with ADHD keep getting, and they keep trying it, and it fails, and then every time it fails we get disappointed and wonder what's wrong with us. Finding advice specifically tailored to people with ADHD is much, much. better.

Just a few examples:

- for people with ADHD a bullet journal works much better than a planner
- people with ADHD typically cannot just "develop a routine" for themselves so they have to come up with other approaches to doing the things they want to do. I'll link to a few YouTube Channels that have helped me, but basically they are approaches like doing the things you feel like doing first instead of doing the ones that are the highest priority.
- Also the daily walk is a GREAT idea and will help in a lot of ways, like family and health, but that isn't how overweight people become not overweight.

I really like this YouTube Chanel:
https://youtu.be/v8EaeKusFvA

This is another one that's great.
https://www.youtube.com/c/HowtoADHD

Maybe PP you have ADHD and productivity advice for neuroypicals works for you, but I find that's rare.